I am tossing around the idea of using my own key to enter the shop and surprise them while they are upstairs having sex. Another worker told me she never hangs around the shop when she is finished, therefore, they are left alone. I am positive of what I will find but a little scared of what might happen during this confrontation. I am looking for the truth, I will simply burst if I don't get some truth in this situation. I am actually hoping that my husband and the OW will think I lost my marbles and maybe she will move on...this woman is my worst nightmare.......Is walking in on them with my key a good or bad idea ??? I need some advice,has anyone ever done this this ?

I see no good in this. Are so strong that you can take seeing what most of hate to even hear? you might need to know but this may be emotional suicide.

Is there a gun in the shop? That would be my first concern... honestly.<P>I think you should think carefully, weigh whether or not there is ANY other way to prove the affair. If there is REALLY NO OTHER WAY then I say to do it.<P>Be interesting to see what others say...<P>Don't do ANYTHING until you are very, very sure!!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Sad,<P>If you plan on walking in on them while they are having sex be very prepaired for what you will see and hear. It will stay with you for the rest of your life. I mean have a good idea what you plan on doing.<P>I could never live with that. Just hearing about what Tony did with other women makes my stomach turn. I have gotten to a place now where I am no longer thinking about it all the time. <P>Personally if it was me and this was the only way to find out the truth than I would do it. But I would not act like a crazy woman. I would just walk in let them know that I now know and walk out. Then I would probably inform her husband. Unlike some others on the board I have no problem letting the OS know what is going on. Second before I did it I would place a huge number of love units into the old love bank. Once I walked out of that room letting them know that I would no longer tolerate this I would lock my H out of the house and go to plan B. <P>My going to plan B would not be to punish him but because of seeing them having sex I would need some serious healing time.<P>Think really hard why you want this and what you plan to do and use every ounce of your fiber to stick to the plan.

I have to agree with Mr. Moyers on this one. I wonder if your strong enough to deal with the sight and what would it do. You believe this to be happening and know somewhat his reaction would be negative, wouldn't that be a lovebust? I would pose the question to betrayers how would they have reacted, having been betrayed and never seen them together I have all sorts of imaginings on how it was and I know it is better that I haven't seen them, it would have been too hard on ME, emotionally. I don't think we would have ever made it through recovery. Maybe if you were waiting outside to meet with him afterwards, that might be a better situation. Either way, may God Bless You!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<BR>

There is no gun in the place or at my house, I really don't believe in them and would not use one....however, I do believe in fists and I would be relieving a lot of stress and would feel so much better with just one fist in her face. I probably won't even go that far, I am just looking for the startled look on both of their faces, then want give them a disgusting look of my own, walk out and let him worry about if we still have a future together. I plan to give him some heartache<BR>and drive around for a couple of hours (let him wonder if I drove off a bridge)....I just want him to suffer...just like I am suffer.....I am not going to make it easy for them. Yes, I am love busting, but since I am so positive he is with the OW, I am also love busting inside their little nest.

Is there anyone - a trusted, trusted friend who could do this for you? Discover what is going on? That may sound crazy, but it would give you the truth you need without the trauma of witnessing their infidelity

BTW all I ever saw was my W's car in the OM' driveway, and that image has lasted and lasted. It was enough to flip me out....

I did walk in on my wife and the other man during their last excapade. Exchanged lots of angry words with both of them. Was not a pleasant thing to do, but I am glad that I did confront them. Hopefully it is not something I will have to do again, but I would do the same thing if I suspected they were back at it, as long as I am still married to her. Be sure to keep your sanity if you do.

Rather than letting her be your worst nightmare...why don't YOU become HERS...

Just having my H tell me what they did was enough. I thought about it consstantly and still will have thoughts. But to catch them in the act. I don't think I could ever get that picture out of my mind. I don't think you could ever. There has got to be another way! You may get the info you need but you would cause yourself more pain not them. Don't do it. find someother way. If you want to go in but make so much noise that they will know someone is there. I think you will be able to tell by just catching them there without catching them in the act. Again I don't think that sight will cause you anything but more pain and for a longer period of time. The picture in your mind is too hard to get rid of. <P>------------------<BR>di<BR>

sadforever - Yes, I think you should walk in on them while they're having sex. It is the only way you are ever going to get around all the denials I'm sure that your H is giving you. It is the only way you ever really will know for SURE that he's having an affair. (I know if I ever have a chance to catch my W and her OM like this, I will, painful as it would be. Just seeing her in his car and telling her about it has produced a remarkable change, even though she still denies she's having an affair. At least she treats me a lot better now, and I know for certain that she IS having an affair.)<P>And I think you should do it in exactly the way you describe in your last response. Walk in (surprise!), stand there a moment looking at them in disgust, then walk out and stay away for a couple of hours. Also, when you come back, DON'T SAY ANYTHING to your H about this. Just give him the cold shoulder and the silent treatment. Wait until he says something, then give it to him with both barrels! (Verbally, of course!)<P>Some pointers. Plan this VERY carefully. Make sure that you know that they really are going at it in his shop. In this regard, it might not be a bad idea to record a couple of their sessions first, as Stoney suggests. And when you do it, make sure your timing is perfect, and that they're so into what they're doing, they won't hear you or notice you until you're standing right over them. Since you have to use a key to get in, you'll have to do it very quietly. I'd even practice a couple of times when he's not there, before you actually do it.<P>Do be warned that the image will stay with you afterwards, maybe obsessively. I know the image of seeing my W in OM's car is always coming up for me. But I still would rather have seen them than not have seen them, because now I KNOW. Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Ok, I stick with my first response, but in regards to what wexwill said. Why not just go in and catch them and instead of looking digusted and leaving, how about busting out laughing? Maybe even proclaim "this is what you want over me?" point and laugh some more. I think humiliation can be very awakening. If I could handle this it would be great, my second choice. But I refer back to my original reponse for my suggestion.<p>[This message has been edited by Paul Moyers (edited October 05, 1999).]

You have to find out the truth and I agree with Wexwill. You'll have to be positive of what they are doing. If you walk in and they are just talking, they'll move to another place. If the video recorder is too much to hide, just get an audio tape recorder. They're cheap, battery operated and easily concealed. You'll have to buy a timer or get an extended play machine. I have tapes of my W and her OM. They are hard to listen to, but it is better than being in the dark.

sadforever:<BR>You need to be very careful with what you do and how you do it. Twenty years ago a friend of mine discovered and confronted her H in the middle of his "thing" with her best friend. He was so ashamed that a week later he put a hose from exhuast to window in his car, sat in their garage and did himself in. She didn't know which was worse, finding him in bed with the "other" women or finding him in the car in the morning. SOme guys can act real "macho" but they turn to jelly when confronted. Please be careful<P>Flip

Never thought of that Flip I guess that's why a person should read all the posts and not just some

To me - I guess it depends on the type of person you are. I am a dweller - and just "knowing" some of the stuff I know and "imagining" the rest still makes me crazy. I understand the need "TO KNOW". For me that would probably override the stuff you will have to deal with later. But like someone said before - keep your cool - don't do like I did when I found H with OW in his truck (and her laying down in the seat - hiding) I jumped in the truck and tried to beat the crap out of her - (and I'm not a fighter) but your emotions will get the best of you unless your are PREPARED. Good luck and be safe - don't be a wimp and a pathetic misserable fighting person (like me). Go with dignity and hold your head high - they are the scum.<P>------------------<BR>

Sad-<P>Please think this over carefully. I only saw H kissing the OW in her apt. The image still turns my stomach. I don't know what would have happened if i had actually seen the act. <P>God bless you with wisdom in this and all things

Sadforever--<P>First, I am VERY concerned about that full address in your profile. Please edit out the street address.<P>If you do indeed catch them in the act, that image will haunt you. Are you sure you will be able to live with it, and rebuild your marriage? Think it over carefully. <P>That being said, if it were me, I would. I'd have to.<P>(Is your H REALLY that stupid to fornicate in your shop????) Paul's suggestion of laughing...seeming completely in control and at ease....is FABULOUS. Heck, sit down and sip a drink while she must cover herself and beat a hasty retreat. It's YOUR shop. Tell your H calmly what your feelings are...come home, go to H***, whatever you decide. But know he may leave WITH the OW. You can't control that.<P>If nothing else, you will leave the OW with a lasting impression of who was right, and who is definitely wrong. <P>To complete the image, looking great yourself when you do it will give you loads of confidence. May even be a lasting impression left for your H too...who looked/acted like a lady (ok, an AMUSED lady, but lady nonetheless), and who was looking wilted in that moment.

Or sneak up behind him and grab him in a tender place with a pair of fireplace tongs you've been keeping in the freezer. Then tell him, "Don't stop now!"<P>Also agree that you should nix your addr. from your profile! There are a lot of genuine nuts lurking around here, including yours truly!<P>--Wex