Anyone ever heard of a website for this topic? An informational website, message board or a support group? I've seen plenty on schizophrenia (sp), and bipolar, but as far as I know, he doesn't suffer from either one of those. It's mostly severe depression, social anxiety and ocd. But the combination is horrible to live with. I don't want to leave him, I love him, but it's starting to affect me and our children. It's getting worse.
My Dh and I have been through counseling several times and last time we went to a counselor who used the same methods as Dr. Harley. The last counselor actually made quite a bit of progress with us, but there came a point where my dh was resenting it and told the counselor so we quit going. I really need some insight into the mental illness part, I "get" the whole marriage builder methods and I think If my dh was not mentally ill, it would work!

You are absolutely right. However it is very difficult to do MB with a person with an addiction or an untreated or "un-managed" mental illness.

So the best thing to do is to get him a really good psychiatrist referal so they can work out what combination of drugs or drugs and behavioural therapy will work best. Once his mental situation is correctly "managed" he will feel so much better and MB techniques will work better.

SP

Unfortunately, he is on an antidepressant and has been on several different ones in the last 10 years or so. He refuses to do the psychiatry (sp?) counseling and thinks what we did as a couple and a few sessions he had alone with the counselor are enough. I've tried to talk with him about it and he just gets really defensive and starts pointing fingers and placing blame on everyone and everything but himself. Anyhow, that's why I asked if anyone knew of an online support group or website. I can check messages when he's not around and get the support I need without having a major blowout. If I told him I was going for counseling or a support group he would probably blow a gasket. I hate being sneaky, but it's the only way our family can have peace. I don't share a lot with him because of the way he acts and the things he says.

you need to talk to his family doctor and explain what is going on and then talk to your H , not during an arguement but during a happy time ( he will be more receptive if he is feeling good ) but ultimetly he has to be the one to seek the help ( you can work on a problem until you admit you have one ) be supportive but also tell him how you are feeling but make sure it is not in an attacking way or he will just withdraw, and very quickly too. also you can try talking to one of his good friends and see if that will help sometimes a different point of view is all that it takes. but be honest and loving.

good luck it will be hard work but will be worth it in the end

I've talked to him many times, almost always in happy times, although those are fewer and farther between. I was really looking for a support group for myself, I know I can't help him unless he wants to be helped, and right now, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him, other than the depression/ocd. I havn't talked to his Dr. yet, because his behavior is so strange, on the outside looking in, he appears normal, but it's all the little things he does and his way of thinking that is so hard to explain. He talks in circles and makes me appear to be the "crazy" one. Good friends???? he doesn't have ANY friends! He doesn't like anyone, but our immediate family(our children and myself). Sorry, if I seem short on this reply, I have to hurry, before he gets here. Still looking for a support group, although, I've seen a couple that might be helpful, I'll list them later if they are, in case anyone else needs them.
Thanks!

Hi!

Don't know if you've found psychforums.com...the board is a little all over the map...but you might find some folks there that can relate and provide some ongoing support. Good luck..hang in there.

cb

Found several in yahoo groups
I'm mostly thinking at this point he's either bipolar or borderline personality disorder. Of course I don't really know, I'm not a doctor or even a counselor, but I do know there is something wrong. He has many of the symptoms of bipolar and almost all of the symptoms of borderline personlity disorder. I think I'll check out the psychforums.com that hopefulcis recomended. Thanks for the help, I probably won't be visiting for a while. We are in the process of selling our house, it will be on the market today or tomorrow. Once we sell it and move into our new house, I'm going to make an appt. for myself with our counselor and explain to him what I'm dealing with, I am done! with this marriage unelss he can get the proper medical/mental health care that he needs. If he refuses or doesn't stick with a program, I'll be filing for a divorce. I can't live like this much longer and it's really affecting our children. So pray for us, if you would that he would get the help he needs, so we can save our marriage!

I will praying for you!
my FWH just got diagnosed with BP in January.
I totally understand your frustrations.
meds & counseling can make all the difference in the world.
make sure you take care of yourself throughout this time.
hugs,
cgw

I am a H with depression, and I can see things from your H's point of view. For you to be most succsessful, you CANNOT give him a view that you are mothering him. My W did this to me, and I withdrew very quickly. Sometimes we just need a wakeup call....when I found out that my wife was going to D me, it was like getting a 2x4 planted on the side of my face. Im not saying that you D him just to get your point across, because IMHO just mentioning the word can cause resentment and ill feelings.

However you approach this, Good Luck.