D-Day was 8-30-2006...I'm still riding the rollercoaster of emotions as the BH and FWW is completely over the withdrawal, which took about 10 days. They'd had a EA for 2 weeks and an above-the-waist PA for about 7 weeks (~6 meetings for makeout sessions).

We're both seeing a Christian counselor and talk with our pastor weekly. For me though, once or twice a week isn't enough, and I'm not sure if ALL of my feelings should be shared with my FWW? Should I have a male friend to talk with? BTW, my FWW is repulsed by her decisions this summer(see "same old song" in "just found out" forum for our story.

We are Christians, and have a great network of Christian couples as friends, many for over 15 years. Has anyone needed/asked a really good friend to be a sounding board and prayer partner for their feelings related to an affair? I'm sure my friend will want to tell his wife, who is also a good friend or ours. Basically, is there a way to have another couple for me and my FWW to talk with about all of our feelings?

Well I like your idea and hate your idea. How's that? In my case my WW and I went to counseling but it was not nearly enough. I had a close friend that also knew my WW and I resisted telling him until I couldn't any longer. My friend tells his wife everything too and she is also a friend of my wife's. In this case, however, I made him swear on pain of death not to tell his wife. He never has and it was a good decision for me to tell him. I used to talk to him every single day. I "justified" this in my mind because my WW had already revealed her A to several of her friends.

I would never have said a word to him if I thought he would have told his wife. If you want to tell a friend, I would discuss it with your WW first and tell her your reason and make sure she is in agreement. Just because the man is someone you want to talk to does not mean the woman is someone she wants to talk to. I am a christian BTW but I don't trust most christians who profess to be good christians. Experience has taught me that.

I also have a tough time believing your WW is a FWW. Wow. 10 days. That must be a record. If your WW can have an A and get over it in 10 days, the fact that you are christians makes me believe that she has far deeper issues at work. Guilt and shame come to mind. I simply refuse to believe she is for real. Sorry.

The idea of you and WW sitting around the coffee table discussing your situation with another couple is really strange. I wanted to talk to someone to express my feelings verbally. But I never did it over tea and scones. I'm not into couples sharing/group hugs.

Anyway, the correct person to answer your particular question is your wife. Nobody else really has the right to make that decision for her.

Pio - it was a 2 week affair. 10 days is possible.

I found my wife really needed to find someone to talk to. But, her friends were pretty useless. Needs to be another FWW. See if your pastor can put you in touch with another couple who have gotten through this.

My wife getting support from some friends here was one of the key reasons we recovered so quickly.

I agree with Pio. I don't believe the W is completely through withdrawal yet. Especially not since her A was a combined EA/PA (which are usually the most intense form of A). But I have also heard of FWS’s who have never gone through any withdrawal whatsoever, so I guess anything is possible…

BigK, her A was 2 months long in total (2 weeks EA and 7 weeks above-the-waist PA).

One of the greatest help & support in my recovery was talking to other FWS’s on this forum and confiding in a few close same-sex, Christian friends who are compassionate, have integrity and sincerely care about both me and my H and our marriage. It was people I knew would not use this information to gossip behind me and my H’s backs and would keep it confidant. One of them was my counselor who also became a great friend and confidant of mine (my H was speaking to her in professional capacity a few times too). I confided in my mother as well. All these people were very supportive and encouraged me to stay on the right “path”. They also helped to keep me “accountable”.

Therefore – from my experience - I’m in favor of confiding in same sex friends if they really and sincerely care and have the best interest at heart for both the BS and FWS.

You want recovery, support or gossip? Best to call in the experts who can help you get a recovery plan. Do you have a good MC/IC familar with MB principals or can you do some reading homework (read concepts, take EN questionnaire, read Surviving an Affair & His Needs/Her Needs), then call Jennifer C @ MB for some phone counseling?

Above the waist, below the waist.....just a physical contact point....they are both bad and dangerous. Don't let anyone minimize the impact of the A. The EA part is the worst and isn't over yet. You'd best do homework and get a plan going.

Use the exposure to form a support network but not your only source of recovery.

L.