This is just a vent.The only place where I can that I know other's will understand completely what I am going thru.Comment or not but I have to get this out.

Well it appears I don't even deserve a call back from my SIL/BIL/IL's.It's the beginning of the end for this relationship too.Avoidance,silence,which is deafening.Pain,betrayal,deception.All over again.

What is it that makes a family of our WS's so hurtful? Why are they cowards? Do we not matter enough anymore to them? Are we not still the mother/father of their grandchildren??? Godparent to nieces and nephews all to be replaced by the OP du jour? Discarded like a stranger after so many many years? Did not our history as a family mean anything to them now? Who are these people? Was it all a lie? Traded in for another so easily.

The pain.I know so well why other's numb themselves with alcohol,drugs,addictive behaviors.Me,no.I march thru all this pain,again and again and again.letting it pass as it does but,more scars.I don't know how much more my heart can take.It keeps coming.hit after hit.Beat down until there's nothing left to get up for.Yes,my kids.That's all that keeps me going some days.I have my good days,more often than not and then,another blow.Knocks me right back down to where I thought I had put behind me a long time ago.

I hate feeling like this.It's not fair.I did nothing wrong yet I seem to hurt the most.Life isn't fair and there's no justice for these people and what they do,.At least not in this life,maybe the hereafter.so called friends too, who just don't call anymore.

It's shameful.I would never treat a family member like this.All the proposed love and care now gone? For what? So it doesn't have to be awkward with me still being involved with the family now that OW is around.is that how it is? Better to just end it all then nurture the bonds that we all had for the sake of the ws.It makes them uncomfortable,heaven forbid.

While we struggle through all the pain and misery they inflict upon us and take care of our kids while the ws's are out having a grand time in their A,we holding down the fort,making ends meet,seeing to it that the relationships with their families are kept,we are thus forgotten and avoided.Weakness.No priorities.No more bonds of love,family,friendship.gone

For only if they could walk in my shoes,would they truly understand what they are doing.

AB,

I'm sorry you have to experience this. I believe I can understand given I experienced the same thing from my unfaithful ex-wife's parents.

The betrayal was amplified by the actions of her parents, inviting the married OM to their home for holiday celbrations while I'm trying to plan A and learn from them and from her what my specific LB's were.

I did talk to my former MIL and she confided that it was paintful and embarassing for her. She still does not look happy when I pick up DD for my parenting time from her home.

So I hope you will accept this as hearing you, validating what you feel and the questions you ask, and to let you know that someone, maybe someone you don't always agree with, has sympathy for how you are feeling.

I wish you well.

"... take care of our kids while the ws's are out having a grand time in their A,we holding down the fort,making ends meet..."

I hear your venting and am empathetic to the lonliness that is the dailey grind of raising kids. I do believe the rewards, though not financial, will pay off years later.

Sometimes is really sucks being the sane one.

AmericanBeauty,

I also am in the same position. From being the greatest son-in-law in the world to not one word heard from them in 2 1/2 years. I have also had the indignity of gifts to my nieces, nephews and godson returned without comment. My emotions run from being enraged to hysterical laughter.

Oh well, just one of those great mysteries of life.

IMO,

They treat you like that because they cannot look anyone in the eyes with dignity any more...especially you. Please keep your head up high and realize that at the end of the day YOU won't have a problem looking yourself in the eye. Their actions shout SHAME (inside themselves).

Thanks everyone.It was a rough couple of nights but I think I am better now.The moment has passed.I think...

EE,

I also think that it is embarrassing for my IL's,etc to face me after "having" to accept,in some way,the OW now since my ex is their son/brother,etc.They have been put in that position.I just think that it would have been nice to have been told I am still part of the family.We just went on a big vacation this summer sans ex and it seems so strange now to be enduring a silence from them.It all coincided when I found out the OW was introduced to them and my kids as well,all without my knowledge.It is true we don't see eye to eye at times but I do appreciate you reaching out to me.I wish you well too.

HL,

I hope you are right about the future but who really knows.I am trying to forge a happy life for myself and my kids but because my ex is still my ex,he will always take the time to try and hurt me.I have become very aware that that is what he is trying to do post D.Make me pay more I guess.I can't let that happen.If only I were independently wealthy,I could tell him where to go,once and for all and not have to worry about his financial game playing and other behavior.

Cymanca,

I'm sorry for your situation too.It's so unfair that you do not receive the courtesy you deserve.You did not have the A.Why do we get punished for what the ws does? It's like a second D,first ws then the family. And how absolutely hurtful to have your gifts returned without comment.That is so low.I don't understand how people can be that way.They don't deserve your kindness anymore.We need to stand tall and strong despite what these people do to us right? That's integrity and that road is rough for sure.

BIO,

I know I can hold my head up.I did nothing wrong but yet it still hurts.I know I will get over it.I am a very strong person but I sure do have my down days and when they come I come here to vent.I would rather be alone than surrounded by people with weak/changing morals and poor/uncaring behavior.If they care at all about me then I want to see it.How else do you know? Actions speak louder than words,as we all know.

AB,

I am sorry for your pain, and believe me, I go through the same thing and truly understand. Although my IL's still talk to me and care about me, there is a certain 'distance' that was not there before.

But believe me, AB, unless your IL's are extremely naive and blind, I really think they know what is going on. They are probably very uncomfortable with this situation. But what can they do? They cannot change the situation, and they cannot certainly invite you instead of their own son. The only thing they can do is to 'pretend' that everything is okay and that everyone in the family is enjoying the time together... Let's face it, for them, it's not the 24/7 situation - only if they can 'fake' the happy family on those special occasions that happen only few times a year, they do not have to 'deal' with the uncomfortable feelings.

I think that extremely selfish of them, and they are being very cowards. But they probably do not know what else they can do.

You are not the one who should feel this way, I know. But I believe that the truth will always win in the end.

Take care of yourself...
Milk