My "Please don't Divorce Me" begging letter to my wife. Names and places have been removed to protect the innocent. Don't waste your time begging. Brainwash\Believe\Convince yourself that your "wife" died, and only left a friend in her body. It's the only way I was able to cope with the pain.

------

Dearest <wife>, stop! Before you disregard this letter or roll your eyes or sigh say “oh geez, what next?” – please read this letter in it’s entirety. I ask you as a friend, as a human being,, please read from start to finish. I ask you to open your heart and open your eyes <wife>. Just read my words as a friend, as a human being that has compassion and a heart.

I wanted to have this conversation with you the day you found my journal pages .. And about that. Don’t believe a word of that drivel. Words written in anger cut deep but they mean nothing. They mean nothing. They were words scribbled in pain, anger, and hopelessness and had no merit. I did not leave them for you to find. They were meant to be burned and never seen by your eyes. They hurt you and made you angry. Evil thoughts in the back of a mans mind should never be written down or spoken .. They should be replaced. You are a good person. Everything you have done and said has purpose and reason behind it. No one should talk that way to you ever, and my anger is gone. I’m to tired for anger. My shock is wearing off and now I sit in denial - and I think partly that is why I write this. I told you that I’ve accepted that we’re going to end. I don’t accept it right now but I will .. It will take time. I told you once that I hated you for all this .. I don’t hate you .. I don’t hate you .. I love you <wife> .. But I will accept this if I must..

We had a rocky start when we first met. We didn’t know really who we were. We both search today to find ourselves in this crazy world that we live in. I had no “ramantic” feelings for you when we first met. I thought of you as a “friend” and a “buddy” .. Gradually we both came to depend on one another and that dependence deepened our friendship and turned into love .. You depended on me .. And me on you .. For love, companionship, for partnership. We got married, we were in love. Maybe you didn’t really “love” me in the romantic sense, but you were fond of me as a mate and a spouse. We started our life together, we had some great times .. Some really great memories which will never be forgotten .. I can remember us laughing together. I can remember us crying together. I remember us walking together holding hands during various times and places. They are fond memories that will never be forgotten. I can remember on your porch of your apartment on <address> ..I had the greatest anxiety attack of my life .. And you held me the whole way through – you gave me something to eat..you held my hand through it .. I clung to you on that porch for dear life ..you told me “it’s ok, everything is going to be fine” .. You told me this becuase you loved me ...and I thanked God for you. You’ve been in ****** before ..you lost the baby (please keep reading) .. I’ held your hand as you lay for weeks in bed .. Depressed, I wanted to take your pain. If I could have I would have. I would have bore your burden. I spent many nights alone in our living room at <address> while you lay in bed .. I prayed hard for you and cried becuase I wanted you to come around. I desperately wanted you to be happy again. I wanted you to be happy again .. Life got better, we bought a house, we had a beautiful baby girl who we both love dearly. ..all good things.

Right now, your content with your decision. You’ve made up your mind as the right choice for your life. In your reality - my absence will be your utmost gateway to happiness and freedom. I know this is not a snap decision you’ve made. I know that it’s been long coming. Over the past year or so you’ve been making your case .. In your mind. Slowly you started to collect “brown tickets” .. For me..brown stains that could not be ignored. Eventually you collected to many “tickets” and I was found wanting. “How could this go on?” you thought. “With all these faults how could I live the rest of my life with this person?” “How will I be happy with this person” Then you forfeited your battle. You gave up on me, and I don’t blame you. In you’re mind you’re right - and this decision is right. My removal from your life is the right way. This is your conclusion. You’ve taken a long time to come to this end. The jury is out and I’m guilty therefore I must be removed. There’s “no other way that I can be happy” you thought. You’ve shared this perhaps with members of your family .. This only reinforced your decision. You have every right to think these things, it’s been a long and hard decision that you’ve come to. Now as we still live together, I have not left - and you hate me for it. I know this becuase I had a dream that you hate me. I had a dream that we were both sitting on the couch and I asked “Do you have a seething hatred towards me?” and you nodded with tears in your eyes. You just want this to be over and I understand that. Your tired and mad, upset that you cannot get on with your life - I know you’re anxious about the future, concerned about making ends meet. ******, you might be going through the same emotions as me .. Stomach knotted up, tired of it all and just wanting it to end .. A new life on the other side.

After the baby came, there was another important person in my life, all my attention that I gave to you, all my love and doting then had to be shared with this little person. I had no idea. I had no idea. You became 2nd and you should have been 1st. This upset you .. That was the beginning .. Since that time, like drops in a bucket - all my faults and mistakes slowly fell into the bucket .. Each drop in the bucket hurt you. Eventually, the bucket overflowed and the hurt, loneliness, and pain overflowed - and you conciously decided that I am the source of your unhappiness and malaise. So you cut me out of your heart to end the pain and labeled me as a failure. Now your pain is eased and you await my departure.

I had no idea <wife>. I had no idea. I would give everything if you would have told me 1 year ago “Marriage counseling or divorce! Choose!” I would have seen the light. I would have seen the light .. But I did not see. I was blind. I was deaf. I was dumb. I chose to avoid the conflict and now I must face the ultimate penalty..my wife whom I love loves me no longer. I am simply a source of pain and defeat .. to be discarded. The world tore me down <Wife>, the blah of everyday life, the discontent with my life made me withdrawl. You said recently that I’ve been “depressed for a long time..” You were right. The addiction that I suffered sapped my cheer, my hope, my satisfaction with everyday life and I became depressed. But I SEE THE LIGHT NOW. I want to make you happy but I don’t want to lose you. I know my departure will make you happy .. Becuase you have condemned me as a mistake and are ready to get on with your new life. Right now I stand at a door. You’ve said it’s over. You’ve made that clear. But as you shut the door forcefully I am peeking through with one last plea. I appeal. I appeal for a life that once was. I appeal for a life that could be. It is my right to appeal your decision. I am a condemned man. As I slowly killed your love for me .. I did it slowly and quietly..Your wound is healed and you’re ready to remove the bandages and break free. And your love for me is dead but I can dream. I can hope. This is my last hope, my last try. I can walk on but I don’t want to. I could find a new love and life and maybe have a home one day with children and grandchildren but I don’t want to. I don’t want to go on without you. Therefore I appeal your decision this last and final time. I’m not a desperate man - I’m a condemned man. I lay on the ground with a gaping wound - a knife in the heart - mortally wounded my spirit is defeated, with my last bit of effort I write this out of love for you, and what could be. My wound is deep. It hurts. It will heal I’m sure. Time and Gods grace heals all wounds. I will bounce back after I heal myself but a man can dream.

Don’t see me as a mistake <wife>. Look past my faults and what do you see? Open your mind and ignore my faults for a moment. Ignore all the things you don’t like about me for a moment. Can you still see good in me? Can you see the happy times that we’ve had? Can you envision happiness together? I can see it. Can you still see me as a man who loves you with all his heart? Is there any way that I can ressurect your love? I’m a doctor with paddles trying to restart your heart, to restart your love - please don’t die. I’m not perfect - I have faults. I have issues. I have hang-ups and I make mistakes. I’m willing to change. Human beings can change! Think of one person in your life that you love with all your heart - now pretend that they are dying and you stand over them - crying - in pain and anguish - that is me..the “you who I love” is dying before me. You are dying (not in the literal sense of course) but in my heart you are dying fast and the pain is intsnse and I am torn - I don’t want to lose you .. I want you to stay with me .. Don’t die <Wife> - don’t kill the women I love. Is their any shred of love for a man who loves you back? Is there anything left? Can you look past my mistakes? Can you forgive me? Forgive me please I beg of you I can change. I can make you happy. I can open my ears and my heart. I won’t discount your feelings anymore. I want you to love me back <wife>, look past my faults..see me as someone who wants to change and be happy too .. To be happy with you. . ...together.

I did this. This is my own doing. You tried. You tried. You failed at making me come around - I was unmoved - you said “F It!” and pressed on. I was’t aware. I’m aware now. I can take what I’ve learned from this. I can go .. I can heal myself and get on with my life. I can be a new person and we can let bygones be bygones, water under the bridge .. I can go forth and do x, y, and z with my life - but I don’t want to do it without you. I want to make you happy.

Oh, <wife>, give a man a second chance. Give a man a second chance <wife> please I beg of you. You can take the knife out of my heart and I will have learned from it. Take all my faults and cast them away, look at me in a new light - I can be a new person. I can be better - I know I can - give a man a chance. Don’t turn your back on me when I need you the most. Please, I said I wouldn’t beg but I’m begging now - give a man a second chance. Don’t leave me here and walk on. We could have beautiful and happy life together. It’ is a dream I have.

You’re a good person and you’ve got a great heart. You can be kind and thoughtful. You are strong willed and assertive. You have a new found sense of self confidence about yourself. I’m not asking for your pity. I’m asking for your love - not in the romantic sense - but as a person, as someone who is in pain and willing to change. I’m asking you for a second chance. I’m a good person and I’ve got a lot to offer .. Becuase I can change .. I can be a new man.

I miss you so much. You don’t miss me and you won’t miss me and I accept that – becuase you’ve already gave up long ago. But, oh, if I could hold your hand again or make you laugh again - what I would give for that..If we could just lay in bed again and talk to each other like we used to .. We could share our feelings and our dreams. I have visions of us walking on the beach together holding hands in the sunset. I have dreams of us sitting together holding hands .. Watching our daughter graduate from high school. I have dreams of us taking care of each other when we’re old and grey haired. I don’t want to give up my dreams <wife>. I don’t want to walk on without you. I love you so much I would carry you through the desert. I’m a man who loves you. I’m a good man and a good person. You said that I deserve better recently. Better in what way? Everyone on this earth has faults. There is no perfect fish in the sea. There is no perfect mate. Everyone in this world makes mistakes .. BUT everyone in this world can change.

One of the happiest days of my life is when you said “I do!” Now you say “I don’t anymore..” and these are the saddest days of my life. I’m not asking you to say “I do!”

I’m asking you to say “I forgive you, you can change and I accept that .. I choose to love you despite your faults”
I’m asking you now to love me, not by feeling or emotion, but by choice, if you choose not to love me then I accept that.

This is my last appeal. My last shock to your dead heart. I hope I can bring you back to life. I’m not a failure. You didn’t make a mistake. I’m flawed and so are you - we can change together .. We can be better people..happier people ..together.
I love you. I love you. I love you. Don’t throw me away. I’m not worthless, I’m not a write off. I’m a person. I’m begging for your love.

With Love,
<husband>

You contradicted yourself right off the bat? Not what I would call a good start. Your other written words were meaningless but these aren't? My hunch would be that your wife didn't bother reading the letter.

I think writing letters like this is a bad idea for spouses. It sets a bad tone. Letters are by nature a declaration not a conversation. You can't fix something with a letter. Repairing a relationship requires interaction and compromise. Something that this medium of communication simply doesn't allow.

A letter like this is more for the writer than it is for the recipient. A way to assuage your own guilt. The writer comes away with the feeling of having tried so that the subsequent rejection doesn't have to be taken personally. If my spouse wrote a letter like this to me I'd be insulted.

Sorry to be so harsh, but the business of saving a marriage is neither easy or simple. It's why so many marriages fail in the first place. That and the fact that most of us have no idea about what we're doing in the first place (notice I include myself in that qualification).

I wrote a similar letter to my EX years ago before our divorce.......she thought it was pathetic and that I was weak.

When I left her totally alone, no contact, or phone calls....only THEN did she see who I really was. It was way too late by then. I had moved on.

inshockman,

Hope for Couples in Crisis

i've got one of those letters too, i sent it by e-mail

everytime i read it i cry....it meant so much to ME

my H and OW probably laughed at it

in fact, my h responded, "i've given up on women, i'm turning gay" like it was all a big joke


i even tried giving him back the letters that he wrote to me while we were dating and the many poems and cards he gave me during our "false" recovery when he broke things off with OW the first time

he told me to keep them...because they meant something to me

my plan B letter probably got the same kind of response...treated like it was a joke...and i was a joke to

the thing that's taken over the wonderful man i loved is a heartless monster.......

i'm sorry you were hurt by this....i know how you feel

This letter sounds like it was written by the man I just left. I suffered years and years of a robotic, spiritually/emotionally-deprived marriage, and he only began to beg and beg and beg when I said (for the last time), "I'm done. Goodbye." Not to be ugly--but I agree with others: this letter serves more purpose for the writer than it does the intended. It also hints of undue chiding concerning a presumed lack of compassion/understanding on the wife's part and an anger-laden guilt-trip on the husband's ("Just read my words as a friend, as a human being that has compassion and a heart; Is their any shred of love for a man who loves you back? Is there anything left? Can you look past my mistakes? My last shock TO YOUR DEAD HEART... I’m not a failure. . . . I’m flawed AND SO ARE YOU . . . IT IS MY RIGHT to appeal. . . "). I also find it ironic that you say contradictorily: "I know this is not a snap decision you’ve made. I know that it’s been long coming. . . . You’ve taken a long time to come to this end" and in the next breath: "Oh, <wife>, give a man a second chance. Give a man a second chance." Again, it hints of a failure to reason and an accusatory lack of empathy on her part, when in fact, your wife may have tried to reason for years on end. (?) Mine was not a snap decision either--it was YEARS in coming. And I didn't give him a second chance; I gave him a hundredth chance, and a two-hundredth chance; and a three-hundredth chance, and a thousandth-chance. A "beg letter" of any kind wouldn't have begun to dent my three-thousandth chance disillusionment by the time I finally said arrivederci.

I don't know about your situation, but in mine, I'd been aggressively declaring for YEARS that I was so miserable, empty, unfulfilled, neglected, and wrung-out, that I wanted to leave him, and finally . . . that I was done. I begged and begged to have his love, his understanding, his time, his affection and attention. But . . . just like your letter, it got me nowhere. Only when he "heard the door slam behind me" did he trouble himself to stand up and say "Oh! Wait a minute! I was blind; I couldn't see . . . I'll make it all right now. . . Things will be different, I promise. I love you! I'm willing to give my all now and you're just tearing us apart! You don't even care about us!" His accusation certainly did him no good, and his blindness and deafness--which amounts to selfishness and negligence--cost him his marriage. A finger-still-pointed-at-me, self-piteous "beg" letter was the last thing I needed to hear; it was clear that he NEEDED me (for his own emotional well-being and comfort) more than he actually LOVED me. (And my point is well-taken, as you tell your own wife: "Don’t turn your back on ME when I NEED you the most." This says nothing of a committed, mature, unconditional love that you bear for your spouse but rather accusatorily bespeaks the emotional pain that you are enduring because of your loss and your desire to have your own need met. She now becomes the guilty party because she refuses to address, consider, or attend your sudden need.) It also excuses the fact that she apparently lived with "your back turned to her" as a way of life, though she's now judged for consequently doing the same thing to you. Ironically, after years and years of my blatant communication regarding my immense dissatisfaction with our marriage, my ex now swears he was never aware of the first thing. If only he'd known, he says. If only he'd known . . .

Inshockman, time will begin to chisel away at the pain . . . I share only for insight, not for injury or offense. I don't mean to criticize, but I found your entry incredibly ironic with my ex's point of view and present perspective of me. I was the "cold-hearted" one as it turned out, because I refused to listen to his "desperate" pleas. But his desperation had little to do with any real love he had to offer; he pleaded out of hurt, fear of abandonment/loneliness, anger, loss, and need--not true love.

I wish the best for you and above all, a terrific--albeit excruciating--lesson learned . . . . that life may afford you deeper insight and richer blessings in the future.

It's now almost 2 months after I wrote that letter to my wife. I wrote the letter shortly after I revealed to her that I knew about the affair and she said she wanted a divorce. Looking at it now .. when I wrote that my mind was in utter chaos. After re-reading it now .. it does seem pathetic ..and lacks any rationale whatsoever.

Been Plan A'ing hardcore. Church, gym, re-establishing links with friends and family, reading the word, and just trying to re-discover me .. and continuing to love and parent my daughter.

My wife, who is nearly 30, had an EA that turned into a PA with a 16 year old boy.

I realize now .. after months of reading these forums, understanding LB's, PLAN A/b Exposure, and learning constantly .. that I myself was in a fog when I wrote that letter. That letter was for me. I wrote it when I was on my "cross."

A lot's happened since then. To me mostly. I exposed this business to the boys grandmother and mother ..after stealing the kids cell phone number from my wifes cell phone directory .. .had a lengthy phone conversation with them ...told them my wife is confused and had a rough childhood etc and that I still love her. I pleaded with them not to involve the authorities..and they agreed.. they live hundreds of miles away in the same state .. and the angry mother called my wife and threatened her with legal action if she doesn't cease and desist asap! \

I came home and found my wife distraught ..she knew that I told the kids mother and grandmother .. we had been getting along for a few weeks prior to this business .. becuase I was turning a blind eye to the relationship .. I knew she was letting me play "husband" and she was playing "wife" ...but she knew that I knew I was letting the relationship continue .. she was fence sitting/cake eating etc .. and I was letting her .. so I had garnered the gumption one day to call the boys parents/gaurdians .. when I came home that day from work .. I had my fake smile on .. .. thinking "another evening to play husband .. " and when I came home she looked at me and said "I know what you've done!" .. and I wiped my smile off my face and said "I'm not ashamed of what I've done."

Then she broke .. and started sobbing. I then told her that the only god in her life was her .. I told her that the decisions that she's making are leaving a wake of destruction in her path etc .. (LB'ing ..shouldn't of) Then I quited my tone and I told her .. "everyone's going to know now.. I don't know who you are anymore."

She said "I thought you loved me .. " and I told her "I do love you .. " and I told her the affair was ruining our life, our daughters, etc..

Then she said she was going to comitt suicide and just go upstairs and take a bottle of pills etc (but she didn't) ..crying etc..

Then I told her "I know your heartbroken..I know what your going through..I'm here for you .. "

We got to talking and she admitted to me that she knew that she was doing something wrong and wanted to end it but couldnt she said she loved us both ..through tears..

It *seems* like reality has hit her like a ton of bricks. I think she knows now that she put herself in great legal danger ..

It *seems* as though she has totally comitted to our marriage now .. we've been talking alot more, spending more time together, ..it *feels* like we're in some sort of recovery

My gut instincts tell me otherwise .. I feel like it's a facade .. after all the lying, deception, etc .. I think she's afraid I'm going to break the news to her family .. I think she might be putting the relationship with this kid in "Super-secretive" mode ..

She recently apologized to me for the affair, and I told her I forgive her..She told me she's totally comitted to rebuilding our marriage and a fresh start .. and I told her I believe her .. Home seems happy, we seem happy, smiles, good feelings, no LB'ing from either of us. . *feels* like a recovery

My instincts tell me..
She's going to extreme steps to make the affair more secret/uber off-the-radar(no proof of this)
She's doing this all out of fear and shame of being exposed
She doesn't want to be labeled a "Laternaugh" or "Lafavre" (or whatever their names were)

I desperately want to *believe* that we are in a recovery of some sort ... but my gut is telling me otherwise ..

I don't know what to do now except remain vigillent..

ism

Inshock--Sounds like you are going through ******!! I don't think I could be there in your situation. It must be love on your part! johoman

I hope you two can heal your marriage with God's help. Hopefully she'll see the light.

I would have involved the authorities. You're an accessory to a crime now and you could get into trouble. I'd highly recommend yoiu get some expert legal advice ASAP about what you should be doing to protect you and your daughter.

Reading some of the posts here I get the impression that some folks have a pretty skewed sense of forgiveness and what it truly means. It is correct to forgive others, but that never should mean that this person then doesn't have to face their responsibility to atone for what they did wrong. I'd also urge you to re-access your opinion/relationship of your wife. A person who takes advantage of a young person sexually has serious character flaws. Flaws that perhaps can be hidden, but unless that person takes very drastic and immediate steps to address those flaws within themself they are not worthy of your trust. In my opinion your wife needs to stand up publically and face the consequences of her actions. I realize how scary that must seem to her, but in a case like this that is the only way I could even begine to try and rebuild my trust in that person.

Thank you, Inshock, for telling us the truth.

You understand now that your WW not only had an A, she deeply damaged a child...and she is civilly and legally responsible for that damage.

To atone, we do amends...we own what we did, why we did it, that it was our choice, and vow not to do it again. She didn't have an affair partner...she was a predator to a child. This affair has many victims...do not ignore the boy. Owning her choices face to face with the victim's mother, or stated in a letter to the victim...something to help that poor boy understand what fantasy is...and that what she did was wrong on more levels than adultery alone...

To get to a solid marriage takes courageous actions. Recovery is more than getting along...it is choosing to live in truth.

Is Laternaugh a pedophile? Is that what that means?

She did the act...are you in another country where it's legal?

LA

This is heavily weighing on me. As much as I want to save my marriage, and as much as I love this women, I'm torn.

In my previous post that I wrote, I said "I'll remain vigillent" and I did just that. I found out that she was still contacting him from her workplace via e-mail by stealing her e-mail password with a keylogger. This was 4 days after the incident with the kids parents.

I was heartbroken. I thought she was sincere about No Contact, I was completely convinced that the exposure to the parents was enough to snuff this thing out and bring her to truth.

I came home from work and told her that I wanted a divorce. I told her that she was free and I couldn't do this anymore. I looked at her and told her "I release you.." I told her that becuase I had a certain measure of self respect and concern for our child ..this is the healthy and correct course of action for mine and our childs life. ..I told her my mind was made up .. I told her that I had always loved her .. but there's a point where you have to stop .. to exit an unhealthy relationship ..

At this point she became distrought and started crying and said .."I don't want a divorce..I love you.." I told her again my mind was made up but she continued to cry .. I told her she has deep seated issues to which she replied .."I know I need help.." at that point I paused and had a momnent of weakness..I said "I don't know.." then I snapped back.."No, it's done..I'm doing this for me and DD"

At that point she grabbed a bottle of prescription meds that she's taking for depression and and said I'm going to kill myself .. I said "You're too selfish to do that." .. I thought she was bluffing .. but she opened the bottle and swallowed 15 pills ..

She said "Do me a favor and don't call 911.." ..I became hysterical and called 911 ..I was losing it, I didn't think she was serious ..

EMS came and took her to the hospital .. they Baker acted her .. so I went and visited her at the hospital .. and we talked ..I told her that she scared me pretty bad ..

Needless to say .. I had to explain to her family why she tried to kill herself .. so I told everyone everything to every last little detail .. about what was happening..about everything. ..

She knows that everyone knows now and she's ashamed..I don't know what her family thinks about it..I don't know what they think..but everyone knows now. Her sister was disgusted and rebuked her for doing it and the harm she put her daughter into ..and their relationship

She's come home ..that was 3 days ago
She's excited about her new Kia Sorento we just bought
She's excited about fixing our marriage
She's seems generally content like nothing ever happened

..

Is this woman psychotic? I live in fear of her, not for my own safety really .. but just the lack of empathy and calculated and cunning manipulation by this woman .. Why now? Why after 8 years together?

Do people just 'snap' sometimes.

I don't feel like she's the same person I married.

I don't know what to think.

Also, thank you LA. Your words are wise. After much research .. it was determined after all that their EA did not turn into a PA. I found out that they had a date and went to burger king and a movie .. and that was all..they only had 2 hours together and she gave the boy his 1st kiss. She's only seen him once. Most of their relationship was over the Internet/Phone and they spent 3-4 months going on like this ..

WOW! I read this post and there seems to be a very common behaviour. YOur WW abuses a 16yr. You expose the abuses to the child's family. YOU forgive your child molesting WW and BEG the family not to protect their child. YOU then enable and support your WW and when you find continued abuse she threatens to commit suicide with fifteen little pills and you go into control mode and protect her once again.

Hmm. Sounds pretty harsh doesn't it? But that pretty much sums it up doesn't it?

I see not only MAJOR doormat behaviour on your part. But worse you are enabling her abuse.

YOU can be held liable by the courts and the parents of the child. YOu are contributing to the abuse with your silence.

Your WW might be psycotic but you are NOT helping. PLEASE put yourself in the place of the child. How would YOU feel if YOUR child had this HAPPEN to them?

THere is a saying on MB "NEVER PROTECT THE WS FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS"

THis hold true in a far more NECESSARY way. YOU could be investigated. Child Protection could take YOUR child away.

And as far as working on your M, this is NOT possible until your WW has received counselling for her own issues. She is an abuser. SHe has likely been abused. SHe could abuse your own child.

And if I sound harsh, let me tell you that my SS was abused by his unnatural mother. SO this is a plea from someone who has had to deal with the consequences of people who did NOT Protect him and REPORT the abuse to the authorites. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

IMHO, preotect yourself nd your child. NOT the WW. Set personal boundaries and stick by them.

Good luck.

no, she is not psychotic

she probably has a personality disorder

take her to a shrink
if she refuses to complete a minimum ONE YEAR of actual treatment

divorce her

Pep

LINK HERE <~~~ take a look

Inshock, this is not an affair, this is sexual molestation of a child. The first priority must be the protection of this boy and other children from her, you realize this, don't you? How do you intend on stopping her from pursuing this boy?

She's a criminal pedophile child molestor. go to the authorities and get some help for her. WOW.

I have no plan. She's switched mediums to that of one out of my reach. She' knows the computers at home are bugged..she' knows that her job (her family business) is monitoring her company cell phone records now ..

My emotions are telling me to love this woman no matter what..and she can change and love conquers all and I have this crazy fantasy about her having some divine experience where God comes out of the air as he did to Saul/Paul and piercing her soul..etc.

My rational/logical mind is telling me this women has deep seated issues and do everything I can to protect myself and my daughter.

Torn ..

She's going to church with me and I asked her why and she says with a smile "To make you happy"

She asks "I sat still in church, did I do good?"

She's constantly asking me "Am I making you happy?"

She's always listening to "their" song in her car..

She takes everything I've said in the past and parrots it back to me .. I feel like she's telling me what I want to hear..always asking me "Does that make you happy?"

Am I insecure?
Or should I trust my instincts?

Or am I being a doormat?

Someone please give me some finality on this .. I need a hard recommendation here...don't pull any punches.

From my post From ML's Post from Dave K's post.

Go to the authorities. REPORT the abuse. PROTECT your CHildren.

WW is an abuser. She MUST get treatment.

THat is clearly stated.

There can be no Plan for recovery when there are abuse issues. Not until and unless THEY are addressed.

I grew up in a good Christian home. I'm "tainted." I was raised to believe in forgiveness, to look for the best in people - I was naive when I married. I did look for the best, I forgave the bad over and over again in a marriage where I was pushed, shoved and cheated on. God doesn't expect that we be treated like doormats in a marriage, it's not an open door where our spouse can go in and out of cheating - and especially not a 30 year old woman cheating with a teenager. Reading this does disgust me as it has others. While it's admirable to forgive someone, it's true there's such a thing as "consequences" and if people don't suffer some tough love along with consequences it is called "enabling." I know I did this, enabled a man and he became more of a monster. I'd be reading those Christian boundaries books right now if I were you. This woman needs them. This isn't a move back in the house and everything is "ok" scenerio, normal 30 year olds don't cheat with teenagers. It's absurd. That you want your marriage to work is admirable, but don't "use" your religion. Forgive yes, but there's no magic to forgiveness if someone seriously needs help. Hiding your head in the sand, expecting some quick miracle isn't going to help here. Read James Dobson's Tough Love book. Tough Love means holding someone accountable for their actions - this is serious stuff here.