Here's the question:

Would you forgive your spouse for cheating on you?


Here are the results:

Maybe. It's all in the details of the affair.1,804

No. I would immediately divorce my spouse.1,698

Yes. Forgiving is part of letting go, you inflict harm on yourself if you don't forgive.800

Total Vote: 4,302

A better Question would be, Will the WS divorce the BS after the Affair is discovered?

Most Marriages can survive the discovery of the A, and the BS is usually not the one to file.

Just check out this site for info on that.

Fascinating... two weeks ago I would have probably answered very similarly.

Now that I'm a BS, it's all so different.

I guess you don't *really* ever know how you'll react to a situation until it presents itself to you.

I always figured that if my wife ever cheated on me, I'd pack her stuff up and pile it on the driveway and probably set fire to the OM's house, etc., etc.

And here I am trying to forgive her and trying very hard not to blame *myself* for what happened!

Heres the big problem with that poll, folks don't really know what they would do until they are in that situation. How often do we hear "I always said I would divorce him/her if she cheated on me!"

Hi Mel. I completely agree!

If there is anything that I have learned over the last decade of my life, and especially after WH's A, it is never say never. Better than that, answering these questions is really just an exercise in futility, not having actually been faced with the dilemma.

I know that I said that if 'we' were ever unhappy, then we should just move on and find our happiness elsewhere. Der-dee-der. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> I was 20 years old, what the heck did I know! WH even brought this 14 year old conversation up when he started his affair. He said, "Well, wasn't it you who said that if we're not happy, we should end our relationship?". <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Wow! I didn't realize that things I said over a decade ago would be used AGAINST me later.

Only for us BS on MB, maybe.

The experts all agree the BS is the greater threat to the M after D-day, during recovery and for a very long time afterwards. .

Bump

Before my EA, both me and by H would answer: “No. I would immediately divorce my spouse.”

Now, as a FWS who has insight into the dynamics of A’s and how it usually develops, my answer has changed to: ”Maybe. It's all in the details of the affair.”

One time after my EA, my H and I had a discussion on this and we both felt that the following would be the final/ultimate betrayal and probably lead to divorce in the case of infidelity by either one of us:

In the case of an EA: Plans/thoughts of divorcing/leave the BS to go with the OP (exit A) and the level of lies, deception, secrecy, emotional intimacy etc. that goes with it.

In the case of PA: Anything more than embracing/kissing.

We especially felt that sexual intercourse would lead to immediate divorce and be impossible for us to forgive. But (as someone has said earlier)…people don’t/can’t really know what they would do until they are in that situation… So I guess what me and my H think we would do in the cases I’ve outlined above, are just speculation.