Within the last year and a half of my life I lost my job, my husband, my car, my house and almost everything in it. I have made many bad decisions and still can't seem to make the right one. Last June I lost my job of 6 years, and my husband decided he was going to go out of state to look for a better life for us. I, at the time, was 4 months pregnant and already had 2 children. Well to make things short he met someone in less than a week. I lived on unemployment for the next 6 months. He would call constantly and assure us that he was going to return and that he had made a mistake. On the day of my third childs birth he returned for 1 week and then left again. He said he would return with everything in 2 weeks. He returned and at this point I had discovered that she was pregnant with his child. I decided to put that aside and try to work out the marriage. During all this time my oldest daughter had suffered so much with the separation that she was the happiest child on earth. During the next couple of weeks we decided to leave the state and try a new life elsewhere. We packed everything and moved. A few weeks later he left again and said he did not like where we were and that he was going to try elsewhere. He left and kept in touch everyday for a month. I started selling everything I could so that our load would be smaller and we could then buy everything new. Then I got the call stating that he had gone back to the other woman and said that he was only there because the state he had gone to did not work out and he was going to get the money together and send for us. I then decided to go back home and wait. I moved in with my parents because by now the house was about to go into forclosure and I still didn't have a job. Months passed and still nothing. The last times that we spent together were just awful and awkward but i still tried to make things work. Still living with her 8 months later he still tries t tell me he is trying to save so we could be together. I met someone recently and he is the nicest man in the world. He would give me anything and do anything for me. Yet I am still stuck in the past and I cant get out. I still love my husband with all my heart. How can I still love him after all that he has done? He could be the best person in the world and then he can be the worst? I recently stopped seeing my new friend because i felt i was being unfair. I know my husband is never going to amount to anything but how can i go on still loving him and be with someone else? [color:"green"] [/color]

how often is he in contact with the children...

what are their ages..

you are very wise...
wise for moving home
and
wise for ending your interactions with the OM that is the LAST thing your children need.....

is their an other child...
how old...

expose to the OW what your husband tells you about wanting to be with you while living with her...

ARK

He calls me now that he feels threatened because of the OM. So he will call me once to two times a day when she is not around. But my oldest gets very sentimental when she talks to him. So sometimes I rather him not talk to her. For a long time he was just lying to her and telling her that soon we would be together again. When he was here one day he told that he was leaving again and she begged him not to go and told him that she would be good and that she would clean up after herself (he would get angry and start yelling about any little thing. Untill now she still says that she should have stopped us from fighting so we would have still been together. My children are ages 6, 2 and 9 months. He keeps telling me that he is working on us being together again. That he has tried but everything works against him. That he still loves me and misses us. But he won't quit being with her. He says he will never return to where we live. That I would have to move with him. I went with him the first time and he left us out there to search for a better life and ended up finding a better life for himself. But everyday he reminds me that he loves me. He says I never loved him like I should of. So then why is he still around. He doesn't support his kids I do. After 8 months of being gone he finally just last week sent the kids clothes and shoes. Besides all this he took my car since we were supposed to go with him later, and left me the van that he was paying on. He promised to keep paying for it since the car I had was a two door escort. Well happens that he stopped paying and they repossessed it. Now I have been borrowing cars just to get to work and school.

get to a lawyer today....

establish child support payments...ie jail for him...

seek and apply out all financial aide that is available to you..ie school lunch programs...etc

what are his reasons for the affair....

ark

He says that I never cared for him enough. I had a full time job 2 children at the time. Still I did everything after work like pick up the children from daycare cook and he said I didn't please him the way he wanted. I wasn't his dream porn star. But this wasn't the first time he has cheated there has been two others of what I know of and god knows how many more. But there was a time in our life that he was the perfect person, and sometimes I think he just got bored. But he is a real sweet talker and he knows just what to say and when. This other guy has given alot more in the past 5 months to us than he has. My kids like him alot and he tries. Now it has been about 5 days since I have seen him and the kids ask for him all the time. The stress is unbearable. There was a time that i had decided I would start all over again with this OM and now I am back to square 1. I know it would not work, no trust. But i just wish i could hate him and move on.

have you read a lot on this site..

you husband needs to change
but he needs to want to change....

I would read this site...

doris is that your full name on here...you should edit it out....

blessings to you and the children...

I would file for divorce if I were you though...

sad sad sad

ARK

Hating him would serve only the purpose of giving you emotional energy which you could convert to courage and determination. However, emotional energy derived from hate is like physical energy derived from chocolate bars and fatty foods - they give you immediate energy, to be sure, but over the long term, they give you diabetes and heart disease.


Moving on to another man may not be the best choice you could make, just now. It would be far better to give yourself a year or two to heal from this ordeal you have been through. Get your financial house in order, and yourself on solid ground, and the divorce over, and the payments of child support and any alimony well-established before you move another man into the picture.

you should expose all his verbalizations about wanting to get back with you to the OW..she has a right to know as well....

do they have a child together

ark

Yes he just had a child with her in June of this year. Doesn't matter what I tell her she still thinks it's all me. I never really harrassed them while this was going on. He calls me. I don't look for him he looks for me.