Last August, I discovered that my husband did an internet search on his HS sweetheart. Recently, this woman found his email address and since then they have been communicating with each other. When I found out since OW called the house, he said that they are just friends. Since then my woman's instinct telling me that something going on. This morning, I finally called her and told her to stop contact with my H and she said that she has no intentions on my H and that they are just good friends who found each other again. My husband has been battling depression since he retired and has some suicidal thoughts. He was being treated for a year after his force retirement due to injury at work.This OW keeps on calling my H because she is concern that he will hurt himself. H has been talking to OW about his problems and that makes me upset why she is talking to her and not me. He was very embarassed and upset that I called the OW at work (I didn't know it was her work no.) I am not really sure that they are having an affair or he just needed a good friend that he can talk to. I want to believe that they are just friends and nothing more. I felt better that I was able to tell OW that she is causing me a lot of pain and anguish and that it is affecting our good marriage. Should I believe them? I don't want to make my husband more depressed that it will take him to the edge. I am at a bind, please advice what to do next.

ccw,
Sorry that negative circumstances in your life has brought you to this cite. Welcome to MB (just the same). It sounds like at the very least there is an emotional affair (EA). Whether there is a PA probably depends on several factors (opportunity, proximity)...
Do you know if the OW is married? You should probably find out AND CONTACT THE OWH... see if he likes the idea that his DW is becoming/has_become a WW with a married man. Expose it quickly before it escalates... most on here will concur that when you discover an affair or even a genuine attraction, it is imperative to nip it in the bud right away and the best way to bust up an affair is through exposure.
You should also pick up and read His Needs Her Needs and Surviving an Affair. You may not think you need the second, but it sounds like your WH has already started an A, the only question is whether it has gotten physical yet.
Good luck and remember that the advice you get on this website can be very helpful... more will chime in shortly...
Heartsore

ccw, they are probably at the emotional affair stage at this point, rapidly escalating to a physical affair. You should NOT believe anything they tell you. I would get a Radio Shack voice recorder and put a tap on your phone and find out what they are saying.

This relationship is very inappropriate and should stop. Did you tell the OW to stop calling?

Is she married?

Additionally, if they are communicating on the internet, I would suggest putting spyware on your computer. www.actmon.com has a very user friendly one that you can download off the internet.

H told me that OW is married with a husband who has liver cancer and a problematic 17 year son. But when I talk to her today, she said that she is divorced and that H and her had a good relationship in the past and that she holds H dear to her heart. When I told her to stop communication with H she told me that she doesn't take orders from anybody. If H wants to talk to her she will be there for him. She lives in Florida and H is now in second home 4 hours away from each other. Spoke with H tonight and sounded very depressed and angry and said that he hasn't been talking to her for the past 2 days. only spoke to her for seconds today when she told H that I called. So far I don't think they have been physical yet but they have seen each other for lunch one day when H after not seeing each other for over 20 years. H and I have been having problems with maintaining 2 homes which are mortgage free. and that was always our sore discussion until OW is complicating the scene. It sounds that OW will be a problem unless H stops contact which I told him before I called OW.

She probably lied to you about being divorced so you wouldn't tell her H. This is very common. Did you tell your H that she told you a different story?

ccw, I think the key to busting this up is to tap their phone calls, get the goods and expose this affair to her husband and family. Don't tell your H your plan, but quietly collect your evidence and we can help you bust this up.

That is what I am afraid of that it would escalate to something deeper. H will be back in NY end of the month. He has been in Fl July to Aug. and home in NY in Sept. and back to Fl for Oct. He's down there for the hurricane season to make sure that somebody's home when hurricane strikes us again (we got hit x3) H is vulnerable right now with his depressed state of mind and nobody else to talk to excpt OW. I told H when he comes back home to NY there should be NC from each other. I want to save my marriage cuz my H is my first true love and it hurts to know that he is doing this to me. H and OW are aware that what they are doing is eating me up.

I forgot to mention to H tonight that OW told me that she is divorced because my husband was so angry to talk to me after he learned that I called OW. I tried checking H email but doesn't know his password. I checked previous phone record in Sept. and noticed that she has been the one doing all the calling and no calls from ny H to her. Now that he's in Fl I have no clue.

ohmigosh, you are living seperately???

Where does the OW live? Are they together in the same town and seeing each other?

Kinda.. it is just during the hurricane season that he's down there and I join him for vacation. He is usually here during the winter. We had the Fl house for 2 years now and we have been going there every other month. Since then we were hit by 3 hurricanes and the stress of increasing insurance and taxes are causing us conflict and now we want to sell but market is down. we bought the house as retirement place. I am highly suspicious about what's going on esp that they are both down there just hours apart.
When he comes back I will check credit card receipts and monitor his calls. He is upset that I don't trust him. Should I?

OW lives in West Coast and H lives in East coast. H said that he is afraid to visit his best friend in St. Pete cause I migh suspect that he will see OW. I know that he hasn't been across because we talk to each everyday and he tells me he has been staying home and we don't have cellphone, so i know he has been calling from the house.

Straight EA, he did`nt look her up to talk about the weather!
Don`t do as I did, ignore. I should have snooped on my WH, I would have busted him and his FRIEND up years ago, and avoided a huge mess. She too was someone he went to school with when he was a child and she probally knows more about my years of marriage than I did. Good luck.

It is very hard on a marriage to be seperated like this. It is just asking for trouble. Being alone causes lonliness that the OW can fill. And while down in Florida, he is free to see the OW whenever he chooses and just tell you anything.

Can you go down there?

Melodylane, thank you for answering my post and truly appreciate your input. I have been reading the MB site since I had this problem. It is therapeutic to me and beats going to a counselor. I will try to hang in there and see where the ball's gonna drop in my marriage. If not for MB, I wouldn't have the guts to call OW and no regrets that I called her at work.

ccw, I am so glad you found us, but so sorry you are here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

How I wish that I was retired already so that we could be together all the time. It has been hard for both of us living separately like this. I was just down there end of Sept. I used up all my vacation already but I have long stretch days off coming but he will be back by then. I was thinking of going somewhere else except Fl.

No, I will definitely buy one in my next day off. So what should I do now, just wait and see and hope I can save my marriage. Next month will be our 18th anniversary and don't know what to expect then.

Thank you all for your support and check with all tomorrow.

ccw, my A was with my old HS boyfriend after not seeing him for over 30 years.

Believe me, there is NOTHING innocent in what is going on.

Even Shirley Glass says old flames burn the brightest.

Your marriage is in EXTREME danger.