Post deleted by shelpdepressed

shelp,

Welcome to MB. Have you read the articles on this site? If not do so. Read about the 4 rules of marriage, the policy of radical honesty, and the policy of joint agreement. These things will open your eyes abit. Next read about the concept of needs and love busters. One of the worst is the one called disrespectful judgements, DJ's for short.

Finally, I would encourage you to obtain a copy of Surviving an Affair by Dr. Harley. It will help both you and your H through a lot of this.

You have a stated that you don't blame your H for your A, but if you were to reread this post of yours you could have fooled me. You need to understand that your H did not get a say in your decision to be with another man for almost a year on and off. You did not discuss it with your H, nor did he approve of it. You should be able to understand that your H will be a very sensitive guy about you hanging around with male friends right now and for a long time.

To answer a few of your more direct questions. Yes, your marriage can be recovered. Yes your feelings for OM will go away IF you maintain no contact, NC, with him. That means no voice, no IM, no emails, no seeing one another at ALL. You will go through a phase very much a drug addict does when they stop drugs...it is called withdrawal.

You need to start to set some boundaries with your H about the yelling, but you should know he must get the pain out somehow. He obviously loves you or you would be gone. So have some confidence in that. I would also strongly recommend that you seek some counseling and perhaps medical advice concerning anti-depressants. It is not unusual for a woman that has lost a child to be severely affected.

Work on YOU right now, but if you want this marriage to survive let your H know that you do and that you do love him. Just don't be surprised that he won't believe you right now. After all the affair has been going on for almost a year now.

Shelp, this is a process and it takes time to recover. It will take a year and possibly two or more to fully recover from this, so have some patience with yourself, your H, and the people around you. Give it time.

God Bless,

JL

Having an affair is very bad but having it with one of your husband's good friends is such a double betrayal. If your husband had been having sex with one of your girlfriend's for over a year how do you think you would be feeling? I am sure your husband believes that you must have been getting some perverse thrill in have sex with his best friend. I think the humiliation that your husband must be sufferring is tremendous. He must think about all of the conversations he had with this friend now knowing he was having sex with you behind his back. Surely you must have known what this would lead to by having sex with a good friend of his. How could you not?

shelp i was reading your post in another thread can you email me [email]shawn@quirks.com.[/email] (I'm female although the name can be misleading:) Yes your marriage can be restored, mine is and I did some awful things also.

Shawn

I'm dealing with my husband's affair right now. I can tell you there are days that I scream at him and days that I let him hold me. Your emotions are all over the place. As for quetioning before you were married, you weren't yet, so leave it there. Work on one day at a time most importantly make God the center of your marriage. "All things are possible with God" I truly hope you can work things out and I'm so sorry about your loss. It sounds like he lacks some things emotionally, but with time that can be changed. He may be thinking about that now, that had he been more loving this may never had happened. Granted you made your own choice, but you just turned to the wrong thing for support. The longer you stay away from the other man the more the fog will clear and you'll be able to think more rationally.