I had an affair with one of my husband's friends. He found out 3 weeks ago. It had went on back Nov Dec and i broke it off and then it started back in Jan stopped in March and started back in June for a week or so and then started back heavy in July. He actually left his wife for me 3 weeks before we got caught. I felt bad about it the whole time. Thats why it was off and on. He also felt bad about it. I'm not making no excuses for what i have done. My hubby and i started dating when i was 17 got married when i was 19. He was the 2nd guy i had ever been intimate with. We have been married for 11 years. We have a son that is 7 yrs old and we had a baby that died at birth in 2004. I had never cheated on my husband until after my baby died. I had some guy friends but i leaned more toward guys after the death of my baby. Also my husband was no saint. Right before we got married his ex-girlfriend was claiming that they were messing around. She would follow us around town and harrass us. We ended up getting into a fight. He swore that there was nothing going on but i do know that he went over to her house he said to get some old things of his. I wanted to believe him so i stayed with him. I do know they met a couple of times but he still swears to this day that he was not having sex with her. I know that was before we got married but it still hurt because we had been together for over a year and we were sexually active. When my son was 6 months old we had been married for 4 years. My husband drives a truck on short hauls. He is home every night. Well he left here that morning, this is a very small town, the cops had a woman cop acting like a prostitute, my hubby turned around when he saw her and went back and pulled over, he asked her how much, then he told her never mind and get off the truck. She wouldn't get off so he took the door trying to push her off the tractor trailer, he couldn't get her off so he started down the road trying to get her off, he didn't know she was a cop at the time, so she pulled out a gun and he got arrested for assault with a deadly weapon(the truck), kidnapping (moving the truck while she was on it) and careless and wreckless driving. So there he went to jail. He called his mom to get him out. At 5:00 in the morning he called me and told me what happened. I left him for a week but then went back. He swore to me that was the first time he had done it and that he didn't do it for that reason (sex), that he did it to goof around and be silly. It went to court, cost us $2500.00 and it got dropped because they said she should of got off the truck when he told her too. I always had anger towards him for that but i loved him so i stayed. My hubby only told me he loved me if i was lucky twice a month. He would hug, hold or kiss me. When i would mention this over the years, he would tell me he just wasn't brought up that was but he would do all these things for our son. I even over heard him telling the cat he loved her. I asked him to do these things so many times but he wouldn't do it. I wanted a second child and i had to beg him. So he agreed and then when i got pregnant he treated me bad, telling me that he didn't want another child and i got what i wanted, and then my baby died. I think all of this brought me to this depression that i fell into what i fell into. No i do not blame my husband or anyone else for what i have done. I hate myself for what i have done and i can't take it back. I do love my husband and i don't know where to go from here. I broke it off with this guy 3 weeks ago and he was mad at me for it but i had to do what i had to do. I still have feelings for this guy but i told him he needed to go home to his wife and 3 kids and work things out. So i think he did. Like i said i live in a small town so u hear things. My husband finally asked me to come home a week after it happened. He kicked me and my son out of the house and told me that if i didnt go he was going to kill me. So thats why i left my house. Please do not think bad about me i need help. First of all can my husband and i get thru this, he has been screaming at me everynight since i have been home 2 weeks? Second will my feelings for this other guy go away? So where do i go from here? Now since i have been back i told u my hubby has been screaming at me but when he is thru screaming then he is hugging on me and telling me he loves me, he is so up and down and he keeps asking me more and more questions and i just can't answer all of them. I am so depressed. He made me change my number which is fine but i do have some guy friends but i am not allowed to talk to any guys on the phone. I am missing my friends so much. But i am trying to make my marriage work.
