ok. this is going to be kind of long but i will just keep it to the basics. I am 28 and my husband is 29.. we have an 8 year old daughter together. We have been married 9.5 years.

I was the one who sat him down and said if he wanted a divorce then it would be ok with me. I told him I didnt think he was happy anymore and myself. I was not happy anymore. So we agreed.. nicely. no fights. a few tears. That was november of 05 We decided to tell our daughter about a month after that. Then also everyone else. at this point we are still currently living in the same house. In march of 06 we finally seperated houses me with my parents. him with his. for the first 2 weeks, we were both good. friendly talking. lunches together. that sort of stuff.

Then he changed his mind and was telling me he didnt want to do this, I was what he wanted. he didnt want me to change ( cause i am a girl who has lots of emotions, but a wall is built up around all of them ) But i kept reassuring him this was for the better, we would be ok.

Then he started doing dumb stuff like spending lots of money on stupid boy things. ( at this point we still shared checking accounts till all the bills are paid off and things) cause were doing it nicely. But i got very frustrated wtih him. We took a trip to go get our daughter it was total 42 hours driving in a car, I started to get feelings back.

We got home, he was finally starting to be ok with this, and Now i dont want it. i have finally told him how i feel,a nd he keeps giving me the same crap answers that i gave him when the tables were turned.

the thing about this is.. I am very sure I dont want it now, nobody has filed papers or anything, but I dont want to just sign a paper to give him a divorce. What do i do? how do i get him back? PLEASE HELP ME

i'm not the best person to tell you this because i'm trying to rebuild my own marriage right now and it's my wife that gave me the ILYBNILWY talk after she told me she wanted a divorce and there was nothing that could be done about it, but enough about me on to your sitch.

when your H told you he didn't want a D and you did he became very hurt you need to see that through his eyes and now that you realize you do love him and want to be with him he is getting a litle revenge .. not that it is right but what he feels he has to do to protect himself.

now what YOU need to do is try and give him just a little space and let him get past some of the hurt. he will he already told you that before so you are in pretty good shape. you havn't mentioned if either one of you are seeing a therapist or going together, if not i would suggest that you find one who is good at marriage counciling ask around more people then you think have been to one. even if he won't go right now go for yourself.

there are obvious communication problems and they need to be addressed start with yourself and hope that he will soon follow ( i hope he will and is sounds promissing ) just understand he is hurt right now and it takes some time to get past that. once you do you will become even stronger but it takes a lot of work just be willing to do it.

and not to sound like a salesman but i would suggest you get a copy of " fall in love stay in love " it is a wounderful book and i wish i had it 10 years ago because i would have never been looking at a D. i would be in the middle of an incrediable marriage