Hello Everyone

This my first post here. I have been to this site 4 time and I think someone out there can help me.

Let me start out with a little back ground, I am Jeff 43 and married for 23 years this Dec. to my wonderful wife Keri she is 45 and I love her with all my heart. We have 4 wonderful children ranging from 21 to 7 (not by choose)

Well I am going to get down and tell you. I have had what I call 3 emotional affairs in our 23 years,no sex not even a kiss I probably gave some of my heart to them. I have gave all my heart to Keri past 4 to 5 mouths. I have been trying very hard for her to forgive me.

1. Do you think she will every for give me?
2. What else can I do?

Have you confessed everything to her?

Have you read surviving an affair?

Have you completely broken all contact for life with these other women?

Will she come here and talk to other betrayed spouses?

Jeff,

Welcome to MB, I think we can help. You asked
First, she will most likely forgive you if you give her a reason to do so. It will take time and that time is measured in years probably a year or so to recover your marriage. Things will get better but it will take time and patience on your part.

Now for no. 2. WHat have you done so far? Have you been radically honest? Have you changed how you interact with her? Have you figured out WHY you chose to cross the boundaries of your vows? Have you addressed the WHY reasons, not the Why excuses? Do you have a plan to protect your marriage, your W, and you from doing this again? Do you talk with your W about a plan to make the marriage better? Have you, her or both of you sought counseling?

Do you get the picture, that are many things for you to do, and for you to continue to do? Please think about this and let us know and then more help can be more adequately provided.

God Bless,

JL

Yes I have everything and I have told her things that I have never told her before.

Yes I have read surviving an affair,Waiting for a long time is going to be very hard for be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Yes I have broken all contact with all the women. All I thing about is my wife <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think she would come on her a talk to others.

Thanks for all your help and if you are willing to give me more please do so..

Jeff

Just Learning

I want to thank you for your help and I am not coping out with you I want to think about you hole post.Thanks again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God Bless you too

Jeff

Jeff,

Take your time. There some very hard questions sitting in that bunch I posted to you. And some of them you think you know the answer to, might need reexamining as you continue to post here.

I hope you noticed my name. I also hope you noticed how long I have been here. Now here is something for you to consider. Neither my W nor I had an affair. I came here for other reasons but basically my marriage was not where I wanted it. After all of this time I am "just learning" and I continue to learn.

My point??? If you will set out to learn and continue to learn about yourself, your W, what marriage really is, and what you both want out of life (it changes with time my friend) you can rebuild this marriage. Your W needs to know that you are willing to learn and that you realize you have a lot to learn based on your choices.

One thing you need to understand is that it will take more than a year for you to learn what you need. It may take a lifetime, realize you do have this time and use it wisely. Have patience with yourself and your W, she has been deeply hurt and it will take some time for her to heal.

You have made a very serious mistake in judgement and you need to understand why you did this and how you can learn enough about yourself to protect yourself, your W, and your marriage. THis takes time...give it the time.

I look forward to your response.

God Bless,

JL

JL

Thanks again <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> You will be hearing from me

Jeff

Hi Jeff, welcome here.

In addition to the help you’re receiving/will receive from Just Learning, here are some additional material for you to read:

Tools for the Wayward Spouse

Emotional infidelity

Article: What the WS/BS Must Do to Reconcile

When "Sorry" is Not Enough

Jeff, it’s clear you’ve already taken steps in the right direction to help with your W’s recovery, your own recovery and marital recovery (good for you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) - so some of the steps in the above threads will not be new to you, but I post them anyway since there are other things you will get insight on.

Hi Jeffkeri,

Welcome to MB. For someone dealing with emotional affairs, I would highly recommend *Not Just Friends* by Shirley Glass. This book has opened the eyes of many.

Hang in there. You are in much better shape than a lot of the folks who find themselves here!
Mulan

Suzet_ and Mulan

Thanks so much for your inputs. I knew when I found MB that I was going to meet great people!!!!! For the short time that we have been hear that it has opened us up to talking about our feelings.

Thanks so much

Jeff