Hello everyone. It has been a while since my last post. I am recovering from an affair that happened in April of 2005. And I will admit that over time you do not think about it as much but I willb e the first to say that it never (so far anyway)leaves your mind. I go about my day to day activities (children, house, work, extra activities with the kids ect.)and never think about the affair but I have come to the conclusion there are certain comments or actions (from spouse or anyone really) that brings that hurt right to the surface. I try to go about my life the way I want it to be but there is still something there that asks "why am I still here?" "would I be much better on my own?" I hate having these questions arise but the one that tears me apart.........."would I feel better if I were to have an affair?" I know it sounds terrible me saying it but I'm sure I am not the only betrayed spouse in here with the thought. I do have a guy friend who has been through the same thing as me and it is very easy to talk to him about the affair and he also to me. I did talk to my spouse about his affair when it first happened but he believes it is water under the bridge and that I should just get over it! Well that may be easy for him to say but he was not the one betrayed.i find it too easy to talk to the other guy mostly because I know he is feeling the same way. I also speak w/ girlfriends but none of them know how I feel. They have never been through it. I guess I have caused too much confusion in this situation but it is how I feel and what I think I need. If anyone ou there is having the same or has had the same feelings please respond back to this post. I really need some clear honest advice from someone that I am not so close to. thanks and may all of us be strong for whichever road we may take.

Welcome to Marriage Builders. There is help here for you and your husband. His comment to "Just get over it," isn't going to hold water very long. You are hurt at the level of mental rape and you need help - and so does he.

I am going to leave it to others to start comment.

Larry

Did you ever go to the MB Weekend or do the MB Homestudy Course together. Either of these will help your recovery. A year and a few months isn't really that long.

It takes time, but if your husband is sensitive to your feelings and was fully remorseful and repentive, he would be willing to do whatever it takes to recover and have a better marriage.

If he is less than enthusiastic I would wonder about his sincerity and willingness to end a having secret second life which can lead to future affairs.

I am very sorry you are not progressing in a better way. I am concerned that this man is meeting needs your husbnad should be meeting.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...mp;Main=2868483

this link explains about the steps leading to infidelity. How far have you already gone down the path?

Will your husband go to a counselor with you? Have you read Surviving an Affair? Has he? Will he do the EN Quiz with you?

Have you told him how you are feeling?

I had asked myself the same question many times a week for many years, why am I still here. Even though he has made a change for the better you wonder if its gonna last, can it make up for the past. No it can`t make up for the past thats all gone. I have noticed to talk about past events helps with the healing, but when he does`nt want to go back to that time it brings the hurt back even more. Thats where you wonder why you are still here
I can remember asking WH, where was my camping trip with the kids,the play time together with them, can you make up for that? their all grown now. There is just no making up for some things. The WS just does`nt get it when they refuse to talk about it, that causes just as much pain as finding out about the afair from the git. All I can tell you is its not gonna be an easy road to travel. I have my bad days, we talk or try to,he does`nt like to talk, I get hurt, angry and he holds me, and I wonder why Im still here.