This is a warning for every man or woman who might be engaged or dating someone who has a past and/or children.

Let me advise you up front: if you have *any* doubts whatsoever, do NOT proceed with a marriage. If you see things that bother you, character issues that won't change, your own doubts and desires to stay single, do NOT proceed with a marriage.

My story: I'm young and recently married to a slightly older woman who has a young child who's almost a teen. We live here in Cali and both work at good jobs. She's never been married however does have an abusive and troubled past, having made lots of poor choices resulting in a child who never had a father around or much monetary support, and a STD for life that I'll likely get at some point. I've tried to accept these facts but it's VERY difficult.

Problems: I've lost tons of weight and began to receive more attention and even been asked out by women I wanted to pursue but was already engaged and felt obligated to her. (Listen, she's a wonderful, beautiful woman and is great, but I feel like I really lost out on dating and experiencing things.) I have little sexual desire for her yet constantly lust for (even masturbate to) other women and flirt when possible. I know - this is not right and I feel bad for it, but it seems I can't control my lusts. She's very domineering and controlling which drives me nuts. I feel so controlled at times. She also has this child who's up late, has school problems and issues, and requires much attention, so we have little to zero alone time and she's now talking about wanting more kids and to quit working. It's UNGODLY hard to learn to love your mate and get used to him/her when there's this constant conflict over this child seemingly every day and weekend. Not to mention this child goes to a private school that costs a fortune that I guess I'll have to cover since the biological parent's never around to pay for much. I don't mind helping out, but what's wrong with public school?!

Ok .. so I'm rambling.. part venting I guess. I'm sorry for feeling like a cad, I know I'm not a good person and need to find God and a church out here, but Cali's so liberal and stuff.. Anyways.. in summation, please excercise caution when dating someone with kids - keep in mind they'll always be there ahead of you taking all the resources and attention and it's practically impossible to get to learn your mate or get alone time it seems - it's definitely a struggle. I'm sorry for regretting this marriage sometimes, and no I've not told her any of this, even though it obviously affects the relationship. I'm married now, though.. so I will remain faithful, and am trying to stop lusting over other women.. Also please listen to your heart about doubts..

Anyways... this advice on marriage, maybe ended up being my cry for help? lol ..

Faithor