I am a 20 year old military wife, the roughest job in the world, if you ask me. My husbnad is 21, in the military, and a war veteran for Operation Iraqi Freedom. We have a 3 yera old daughter and a 1 year old son and have been married for almost 2 years now.
We are not as close as we used to be.
When we dated, we were closer than close, and can finish our sentences whenever given a chance. While we were dating, our daughter was born on the day that he turned 18. He was non-existant for most of her life because of my mom and he was kicked out of his mom's house. He strived to be a part of her life, doing whatever he could to help raise her. Our son was born when he was in Basic Training in Georgia. I was in college at that time. We were married after he was placed at his POS, Fort Drum, NY.
The problems started when he found out his date of deployment.
He was constantly gone, other than the field training, mostly getting in trouble at work, always out with friends...and I felt like it was my fault. I felt like I was doing something wrong. I was there by his side whenever he needed me, his cheerleader, everything that I could do, I did. I couldn't help him financially because I didn't find a job, nor I couldn't get into school. I didn't know where the nearest college was and I couldn't transfer all of my credits as is. To him, I didn't dress the way that he liked, didn't clean the way that he liked, didn't take care of the kids right...After he told me all of this, I felt lost and depressed. I thought he loved me for who I was. Luckily, I made a friend, and we were talking about how we gotten used to being military wives and all of the problems that we faced on the daily. She is a registered nurse from California, but she's only registered in Cali instead of New York. After four months, two weeks before he was deployed, my husband moved me and the kids back to our hometown, Memphis, TN, with my mama.
A year has passed, while he was at war and I was in Memphis, trying to get things right in my life. Couldn't go back to school (my classes gotten dropped 3 times in a row and the other colleges in town didn't have my major) didn't find a job, hardly saved money that he sent home, gotten on and off anti-depressants for two weeks...All and all, I was in shambles, but I made sure that the kids were okay through it all. I thank God for my friends and my family for helping me through the hard times that I had before. I couldn't tell my husband much of anything because he has to worry aboout staying alive more than worrying about me. Two months before he was redeployed in the States, we've recieved an offer for military base housing, so I moved me and the kids all the way to New York 21 days after the offer intially was given.
After he came home, he was pretty much okay, but disappointed when the house wasn't furnished to his standards. A week after he was in the States, he started to change. He was not the man I married or he gotten worse from when he found out his deployment date. I didn't save enough money to his standards, I was constanly accused of not caring about our family and I betrayed our marriage by helping my mama out when she lost her job and didn't tell him, and he couldn't take much more of what was going on around him. That was when he dropped the D-bomb with every argument. I'm the one calm and not saying a word because I couldn't say anything not to set him off. I felt backed into a corner, but I couldn't say anything. I usually place that under post-war stress. It didn't help that he found out about his aunt's death and he couldn't make it for the funeral. Two weeks after he was here, he couln't stand the sight of me and was constantly gone. Month one was pretty calm, but two weeks into the month, he was truely not the person that I married. During his leave, every LITTLE thing that was wrong to him was voiced. The only thing that I did was not say a word. I felt that if I did, I'll lose my marriage, and it still hurts me till this day.
Two weeks ago, I've found a letter that he written to another woman, and that was my breaking point. I was angry, but I tried to suppress it until he came home. I tried, but I didn't. I told my brotherfriend my situation and vented out my anger...yet my husband seen it on my IM and gotten angry, yelling and slamming doors, and I was calm yet shaking because I was emotionally exhausted. He left again and didn't come back until a day after. He was calm when he gotten here, and he dropped the D-bomb again. I didn't pay attention to him because it's the same song with a different tune.
A week before now, he said that he couldn't do it because he didn't want to be a deadbeat dad, and that devistated me. I didn't and don't want a marriage based on our children. I noticed that he wasn't wearing his wedding band as well, so I'm guessing that he doesn't want this marriage to even work. He doesn't wear it on his hand, but he has it on his dog tags, which is better to me than to leave it on the dresser. I've been cryng on and off for three days now, and I need to let my bottled emotions go. I want to tell him that he's being unfair, that he's bullying me, that I am on the verge of divorce, but I don't know how to do it without crying. My emotions are all over the place.
I need some help. I want this marriage to work. I want him to know that I love him and want to be friends again.
Help me.
