Thank you, Marsh for sending this post.. and to Bob for writing it.

I can't thank you enough. It was what I needed to hear to realize my thoughts and feelings are not crazy... but where I am at is normal.

This helped a lot.

Shaden

LG... yep, Minneapolis. I actually think the city is pretty nice... but the trip was before Mall of America. That's probably a good thing... who wants to spend their honeymoon in a mall?

We did go to see the movie Robin Hood with Kevin Costner... one of my all time favs.

Shaden

Marriedforever...

thanks for chiming in. Knowing that I'm not alone does help. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this.

Even my IC tomorrow morning is probably going to be cancelled. Tonight, the sliding door on our van came off the track... luckily in our driveway. The door came right off in my hands. I'll have to get it to the shop in the morning 'cause it's tough to walk to the arenas with the boys hockey gear.

Shaden

Pep... you bad...very bad. It's interesting to know that music has such an affect on you.

Shaden

Last night I had a good conversation with my W. I challenged myself to initiate the conversation and kept it moving along, relaxed and non-threatening. It was one of our best, yet.

There is too much to get into right now, but we touched on a lot of topics including...

- I asked what she wants in the future... goals of our relationship.
- that I don't feel safe in our marriage.
- that I need to be able to talk to her about what happened... that I understand that it is hurtful and uncomfortable for her... but the fact that she is willing to face this uncomfortable feeling to help me means a lot to me.
- that I feel our healing is connected. I need her help to heal, and in turn, I believe this will help her heal.
- We discussed discovering what our needs are and how this is important.
- for the first time we discussed a little of how I felt hearing about the ONS while we were engaged.
- I shared how all three A's had question marks surrounding thier honesty and how they ended... and this added to my feeling unsafe.



the list goes on and on.

The issues were not all resolved with solutions or plans, yet... but the conversation was there and positive.

Shaden

She asked me at one point during our conversation, "who was I talking with to get help in figuring out some of what I felt?" I told her that I was getting some excellent advice on MB... which she has been reluctant for me to spend my time on in the past.

I think I'll share some of the advice with her soon.

Shaden

I thought that movie was atrocious. Richard Lewis...come on, you canucks have some strange taste in movies. Were there some SCTV guys in that or something.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - edited to add: Nice edit, to bad I caught your original post first...couldn't take the heat for liking a movie with guys running around wearing tights and acting like Robin Hood. At least the Kevin Costner, questionable gay as that one is, I can understand cause I realize that Bryan Adams is one of your homeboys. Does Canada still have the crazy law where at least 1 in 5 songs played on the radio must be by a Canadian artist???

Mr. W... you had me thinking I was crazy for a minute... nice twist.... wait a minute... I think this thread proves I am crazy.

I had no idea who the actor even was in the tights version... your're giving away some of your secrets, I think.

When Canucks keep rolling out stars like Adams, Celine Dion, Shania Twain (you love her or hate her), Barenaked Ladies, etc... we do pretty good for our little population.

Of course, Canadian Idol sucks compared to your Simon Sez version.

Shaden

Shaden:

Come on now, not a bad list of artists!

And MrW, Can't you pick up the CBC from where you are at?

LG

good job on taking the initiative with getting some real issues out in the open

do you two go for walks together?

H & I get our most interesting discussion stuff done away from the house ... of course ... I live in California and not in the snow !!!!!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Can't forget about Rush and the very beautiful Nelly Furtado either.

You ever hear of snowshoes, Pep? I never saw a Canadian let a little snow slow him down. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi Shaden,

How 'bout an update?

I found something that made me think of you and your sitch today.

It's an analogy that SH used for a poster here named Lizzie.

It was in regard to helping a WS understand WHY it's important for them to figure out why they cheated...

This is a good one.

Steve asked H how he knew we could put this marriage back together and protect it on our own. H said that he was re-dedicating himself to the marriage and knew that he would never stray again. Steve asked him how he knew that if he couldn't figure out how it happened in the first place, especially since H told Steve we always had a great marriage. Steve asked H to consider this -

Every night we go to bed and lock all of our doors and windows. One night, an intruder comes in, robs the house, and hurts one of the children. We can't figure out how the intruder got in. Steve asked H - wouldn't you turn the house upside down and ty to find out where the weakness was? Wouldn't you then install better locks and some kind of security system? He said he could guarantee that we wouldn't just go to bed that next night and lock the doors believing that everything would be okay. That is why we need to go through this painful and long process to do the work, find the weakness, and erect a secure barrier to protect the marriage.

In case you want to read the whole thread, here's the link...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0&fpart=1


~ Marsh

Bumping for Mr. W.

LG