Hi all I need your help.

Just found out WH has started tlking to local singles.

I got cell bill called # and found out its a way to hook up with local singles.

I called DR. Harleys radio show he told me that my plan b is not dark enough because I should have never looked at the cell bill.

I need help with this right now I want to scream and yell at him as if the 10 month affair he is in is not bad enough now this .

I did call and make app. with Steve. I'm going to need help getting thru the next two days until I talk to Steve.

I need the help of you guys that have been thru this. I'm willing to do anything.

I have to go to a meeting soon.

PLEASE HELP ME

Look on the bright side...if his A with OW were all it should be, why would he be trolling for local singles!!

BB

Thanks for the laugh BB.

Marflow - Just stay in Plan B and give yourself some peace. That's what Plan B is for. You cannot control what he does and you will only drive yourself crazy if you try, as you are doing now.

I'll bet this is what the Harleys tell you.

My first thought: Is your husband SA?
Mulan

Mulan- Thanks for responding.

Dr. Willard Harley told me that I wasn't doing plan b right because I knew what WH was doing and in plan b I'm not to know anything about WH. Thats going to be hards because of our sons.

Thats where I'm hoping Steve Harley will be able to help me.

I don't think he's a SA. He has look at porn and chatted online. With him doing these things does that mean his a SA.

Marflow, do what Dr Harley said! We have several ppl here who are/were in Plan B and had children. You have to just find CREATIVE ways to cut off contact. Sure its hard, but not undo-able!

One of the problems is OS tells me everytime he talks to WH and everything taht is said. I told him I don't want to know anything about his Dad.

I know Steve is great at giving you a plan so I just got to make until 5 am. Thursday.

I'm just having a hard time not WH and telling him what I think of this last knife he placed in my heart.

Marflow,
I started my Plan B on Oct. 6th. I have absolutely NO idea what is happening with WH. My son does talk about his time with daddy, but he is not old enough to go into excruciating detail. Hold on girl!!! Be as honest as you can with OS; he probably still wishes that his world hadn't changed, maybe thinks telling you about WH will 'help' in some way. DO NOT CALL! No more thinking on him; you are finished with that.

Look, the thought of what may or may not be happening between my WH and any OW can truly belabor my thoughts, but there is NOTHING I can do about him. I'm currently in a state of 'funk' and haven't been doing much but reading the boards and spending time with DS. I have plans and am working on self realization. I will get through this, and you will too.

Stop torturing yourself, because that is all that is happening. He will call who he wants, and that's that. Burn the dang cell bill if you must, but don't read it; not now. Dark, still. I think it may have been ARK^^ that had a post about being still. I'll have to see if I can find it. Just hang on until you can get the help you have scheduled!

Silent- Thanks for coming by.

I am going dark. I'm done. I'm going to talk to my boys as soon as I get off the computer.

I hope you keep stopping by. Its comforting to know that I have a sister who is going thru this right now to.

I have a question for you.

I looked at your stitch. You said you went into plan b when your WH said he was interested in another women. Is that a different OW than he had the affair with?

HI, MF!

WOW, your thread gave me a little insight...starting now...I'm not checking cell records or worrying about anything WH does...what's the point?

Have you read on Loving detachment? I read a little, I'm not sure that I understand it really but I think that the point that I'm at...

LA had described it to AmI as if WH was choicing to go into a rabbit hole...like Alice in Wonderland...he's in his own fantasy world...this world should not include you...you need to stay focused on you...

I'm sure as intelligent as you are that you will find ways to be completely dark despite the boys...they're old enough that you don't have to hold their hand when WH comes gets them...or the boys can perhap meet them at a friend of their's house...perhaps you can make that grocery run when pick up time comes...

You have tons of choices available to you...

Keep up the great work and THANK YOU for the compliment...You are so wondeful yourself! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin- I should have never check the cell bill but it was almost triple the monthly amount. So I wanted to see what it was.

I had a talk with to boys last night told them that I didn't need to know when thay talk to there Dad. Only time I needed to know anything was if he would be at the house, so I could make other plans.

My YS started to cry I told him that I'm trying to be honest with him about what is going on with me.

Told them both that I what nothing more than for the Dad to come home so we can be a family but thats not what their Dad wants.

My OS told me that he won't even tell me if I ask. I may have to hold him to that.

So I am feeling a little better today. I just can't wait to talk to Steve.

Marflow:

I would change the billing address on the cell phone bill and any other bills that he is responsible for.

Keep it dark.

Lousygolfer-

The cell is in my name the only reason I have not turned it off is because of my kids, thats the only way for them to reach him.

When I talk to Steve I'm going to get his opinion about what to do with the cell.

Right now WH is putting his checks in the bank. So I don't know how much boat rocking I want to do. But I will follow whatever Steve says to do.

Staying dark is my middle name. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Has anybody had a WS that has done something like my WS did?

Hey Marflow,
Oh, I'll be around, you can bet on it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The energy around here ( in my home) is changing, for the better. I'm much more peaceful, and able to really concentrate on MY life with my son. He is truly a joy. I'm listening to him right now as he plays with his action figures in the kitchen, sitting there in his underoos (Finding Nemo), talking to himself. It's quite funny! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

In regards to your cell phone, if you have run out the time on your service contract with your provider, you are free to change plans at any time (you could go for two separate accounts). Also, if you sign up for online statements, you can check yours and set aside the money, and inform WH of his portion without checking his usage. Really, as long as he pays his portion, what difference does it make. You will have to have self-discipline here. It's rough, after all of the spying, and watching your back, but once you get out of that mode, it is very liberating to stop focusing on WH. It's self torture. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

I often think of my H (not WH), and see him as he really is, without fantasizing what I thought he was. I still love him, and always will, but will not live this way anymore.

This 'new' woman (potential OW#2 perhaps, eh?) that he speaks of is probably a co-worker, apparently with the name Amy (I've never met her). She may not know much about him or his home life (he no longer wears his wedding band--not that that would stop some people). WH did not say that he was with her, but that he was interested in her. So, I said, I'm not very interested in her. Plan B. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

His original A with OW was mostly EA, then one week of PA followed by OW running back to her H (as she should). She has remained pretty dark with him, as far as I know. Their last contact was in January of this year. Wow, wafts of pain shoot through me when I talk about this now. It used to be so unbearable, both physically and emotionally, now it just runs up my spine and vanishes. I hope that one day it will be numb.

Hi All,

Talked to Steve this morning. He told me to stay dark. Then he explained why. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

All this time i thought plan b was more of a way of making WH miss me/us. And to keep me from losing anymore love for him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

But it is really all about me nothing to do with WH.

Steve compared it to economics.

Yes I can see,talk and know what WH is doing but want does it cost me. Finding out about this singles line cost me everything in my love bank plus.

So basically what i don't know can't hurt me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I did have a couple of questions for Steve.

1. Do I tell his Mom about this? Answer NO

2. Do I tell the boys everything? Answer No

3. Do I turn off cell phone? Answer No

I told him WH is still putting his check in the bank. So he said don't rock the boat.

In the end I might have more to lose than to gain if I did any of the above things. WH also carries my medical insurance.

I'm sure more of what Steve said will come to me later I'll post then.

I was only on this board for about an hour yesterday so I need to read up.

HAVE A GREAT DAY! I"M GOING TO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Silent- I'm going to focus my on my sons. I can tell you're a Momma that will do what ever you need to to protect you baby, 4 yrs.
I remember when my sons were that age sometimes I wish they were still that young they were so easy back then thought Mom was the best girl ever.LOL

Now its teen age hormones and those teen age girls. I think girls are much more agressive now days than they were back in the day.

What I'm trying to say in all my babble is they grow-up to fast. Enjoy him now. Next year he starts kindergarten and that is when the girl enter in.LOL

Well...I guess you are doing okay...LOL...

I was just stopping in...checkin U out! BEING NOSEY!

Pretending to be curious George...LMAO

Yeap, those kids are wonderful...I'm missing my four year old...he's in a safe place...

Well, you have a great day!

Believe me, I'm enjoying every phase with my kid. He really does give me focus and helps to bolster my sense of purpose.

I'm glad that you got time to speak with SH. It helps you to get more clarity. It may have only been two weeks now since going DARK, but no contact with him is freeing. You really get to drop the burden of dealing with wayward mentality; it's caustic. You get to think like a 'normal' person again, like you did before the A. Can you even remember what that was like? For me, it's like I get to hope again, because it's my hope for me and my child, and I know that no one single tyrannical human is going to come in and dash those hopes. I can plan for the future. The future, you say? Yup, the future. I get to plan to go places and do things (finding childcare when I wanna go out with my girls). I can be SELFISH. Even if that means that my time is spent watching old movies, or reading, I get to feel like I'm important again.

Silent- I can't remember anything pre affair. Sometimes I think about early in our marriage when we were so happy even last year when my best friend was killed my husband was my rock. I remember at her memorial he got up and spoke and said all the things that I had been telling him all week. I didn't realize that he was listening so close to me.

Then one year and 2 days after her death I found out about his affair. In a yera I lost both of my best friends.

Thats the hardest part.

I won't be around much this weekend. But I will check in when I can.

Tommorow is OS mission banquet WH will be there. SH told me to get as many people as i can to run interfence. I really don't want to see WH but I have to be there for my son. I'm the only parent they can rely right now.

One thing i forgot about my talk with SH he told me to make a copy of cell bill and give it to WH so I circled the amount and put a question mark next to it. SH said that way he knows I know.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi all hope everyone had a great weekend, mine was so busy.

My worry about seeing WH on saturday was unneeded he didn't show up. He told OS at 9am saturday morning that he would be there and the he didn't show up he is such a jerk. OS kept asking me what time it was and at 6:10p I told him that his Dad wasn't coming I felt really bad for him.

But OS did a great job telling about his trip I was so proud of him (and I told him so).

Has anybody else had a WS that won't have anything to do with the kids?

It's like if he can't spend time with me then he won't spend time with the boys. Does this make any sense?

On friday night and all day saturday I was at a Love & Respect seminar it really opened my eyes to what I did to my husband. I stopped showing him respect. It wasn't like in you face I don't respect you it was bunches of little I don't respect you.

I feel like everything I'm learning maybe to little to late. I am praying thats not the case.