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MIM - My wife wasn't too fond of my presence in these forums either. When I finally got her talking with other FWW's was when she really turned a corner.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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MIM - Your wife won't even let you kiss her. We now kiss sometimes, but nowhere near as much as I'd like to, so there has been some progress.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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MIM - My wife wasn't too fond of my presence in these forums either. When I finally got her talking with other FWW's was when she really turned a corner. BK, believe me, I've tried and tried. And tried again. It seems she just doesn't want to talk to anyone, except me (and we have big communication issues). I *know* talking to other FWWs would help her, but she's just not interested enough to do so. I get the impression that she doesn't want her thoughts and ideas challenged, so she prefers not to share them.
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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I understand MIM. But this is my reasoning behind my original comments. I am not just being mean. I really have been following you around here.
Me: 56 (FBS) Wife: 55 (FWW)
D-Day August 2005
Married 11/1982 3 Sons 27,25,23
Empty Nesters.
Fully Recovered.
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Posts: 31
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In my case, it is the opposite scenario.
My husband didn't have sex with anyone else but me (ever) until we were married. Yes, he was a virgin when we met. And he also always had a low sex drive.
I had had a few other partners and before we got engaged I even had 3 one night stands when we were separated for extended times for work.
Yet when we were married he was the one who had the affairs.
BS female 43 years old
FWS 47 years old
Married 1986
Two boys - 18 and 15
Affairs discovered 23rd July 2006
(4 mth A was 2 years into marriage
recent 2 year + A)
FWS 100% NC
Marriage Builders works
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Joined: Aug 2005
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MIM - My wife wasn't too fond of my presence in these forums either. When I finally got her talking with other FWW's was when she really turned a corner. My FWW's started her own thread on the Recovery forum: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3121591 There's not much in it, and you can sense the defiance from the title, but hopefully some of the other FWWs on the forum will step up to the plate and try to assist her. Last night we had a huge blowup over unwashed dishes of all things, but when things calmed down a bit, she suggested that perhaps we read through the "Lovebusters" book together, as leaving it to her to read on her own apparently was not working out very well. I agreed, but indicated that I wanted her to set the timetable and initiate the readings. I'm waiting to see how that turns out (trying not to be pessimistic).
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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Similar to nads, my WH saved himself for M. He wasn't a virgin but he made it very clear that he was remaining sexually pure before M. WH also had a low sex drive. Yet, WH involved himself in an A with a co-worker and slept with her within 3 weeks of the A. Maybe I was naive for 5+ years, but I didn't see any signs of a shady past, adulterer hints or even an inkling of doubt of his fidelity.
Looking forward to a new chapter since D was finalized on 4/24/07 from WH.
"I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13
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I think we marry someone who has the same number of problems as us but different ones.
If we have only a few problems we would not want to be stuck with someone with too many. And if someone really had it together and we had tons of problems, that wouldn't feel like a good fit either.
So we each look for someone with the same amount of problems--just different ones--ones that we each figure we can fix for the other while getting our own needs met.
There are always going to be a few problems that neither is too good at fixing. A few little problems that neither can fix can cause BIG trouble in marriage.
Me: 56
H: 61
DD: 13 and hormonal
DS: 20
Oldest son died 1994 @ age 8
Happily married 30+ years
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