This morning, I spoke with a VP of Human Resources who wants me to come to a two-hour interview next week with the hiring manager and other people in his department.

I can be committed to the marital vow of "the two shall become one" without being a victim. You had said a long time ago that I need to get my own bank account. A job is really what I need, whether or not I divorce. I need to be in a position to choose to stay married or choose to recognize that this marriage won't be one in which "the two shall become one."

Respectful

I think this is great news. Having your own job and your own bank account can only help you, whether you stay married or not. Good for you. Please let us know how it goes.
Mulan

Mulan,
The interview went great. I passed the screening interview with HR. It sounds like a terrific fit for me and the company. It reminds me of buying a trombone for our 10 year old son last month from the mother of a ten year old son who had decided to play drums. Both of us were thrilled. I probably could have gotten the trombone for less and she probably could have sold it for more, but we were both thrilled with the transaction.

The HR person told me she'll contact me by next week to set up a follow up interview with the hiring manager.

Respectful

Congratulations! I think this will be a great thing for you and your family. Keep us posted!
Mulan

I got called for a second interview with three people. The sad thing is that my husband was just horribly upset on Sunday. He had gone to watch TV on Saturday, I went to bed, on Sunday morning he asked how I felt, I told him I felt disappointed, and he ended up leaving the house all day. I wonder if he is concerned that our youngest being in all-day kindergarten and my interviewing means that I am less dependent on him financially. It scared me how he acted.
Respectful

Disappointed about what?
Mulan

Disappointed that he had gone to watch TV. I stopped telling him how I felt when he did things that I thought of as negative for me and just removed myself from his presence. Several weeks ago, he had asked, "Would it bother you if I watched football on TV?", I had told him it would, and he was very upset. "Why would you be so uncaring as to not let me watch football on TV?" I told him I didn't say he could or he couldn't, only how I felt when he asked. He's now asked me to tell him how I feel at the time. This morning, I told him I felt concerned about what happened on Sunday, and he said he didn't want to sit and debate how he felt. I told him I was trying to understand.

To be honest, I am totally baffled by what he is doing. Complaining did no good at all. He even said to me a few months ago, "I just tune out your chirping." Instead of chirping, I just stopped. Now he's upset that I stopped.

Respectful

Mulan --
They said 'its' a done deal". They want to hire me. That's a real boost for me. And it does sound like a wonderful fit for me, so I'm excited.

Many people, over the years, have thought that I stayed in an abusive relationship because I am a SAHM or because I want to be victim. I read John Paul II's book Love and Responsibility, and it really helped me to understand what values I have clung to throughout this mess. Marriage is about fidelity and indissolubility. My husband harmed our relationship by being unfaithful, but that does not change the essential nature of a marital relationship, which is indisolubility.

I was talking with a mother of a seven year old boy from my daughter's class yesterday. She had had an affair during her marriage and she divorced her husband. He's a great guy. In fact, I've had to stay away from him. He accepted his wife's decision and went on with his life. He got married again, to a woman with a child as well, and now she is pregnant with their child. Meanwhile, the first wife told me that she and her boyfriend are getting married, only he wants them to buy and move into a house together first. She's trying to figure out where to go and is upset that her ex-husband and his new wife have decided to move to an area about 30 minutes away. Had her ex-husband waited for her, maybe she'd have realized the folly of tossing him overboard for a man who it turns out isn't interested in marriage, only in living together. She didn't just toss overboard her husband but also her son. Now her son is living half-time with her and half-time with her ex-husband. Children, the natural result of marriage, point to the indissolubility of marriage because they need care for years and years -- not being sent from one home to another, not dealing with a boyfriend who may or may not marry the mother, not dealing with a new sibling who appears when he's already in school -- what sort of stability is that?

I like the woman. I think she's facing the natural consequences of deciding that her boyfriend was a better fit for her than her husband.

Respectful

I'm so happy that you got the job. It's always great to have your own money and feel like you can take care of yourself, whether married or single. Please let us know how it's going.
Mulan

Thanks, Mulan. We have agreed to put my income into a separate bank account. I want to be cautious that separate bank accounts don't contribute to independent decisions but rather to allocation of additional income to savings and capital expenditures. I'll let you know when I've gotten the written job offer.

It's ironic -- the job involves writing -- I've kept my writing skills intact by MB post after MB post.

Respectful