Is anyone out there experiencing a nearly platonic M? We are approaching 2 years post-Dday; things seem to be going well – we get along, love each other and generally agree on most matters. She’s remorseful for her LTA, has maintained NC and has been honest w/ me (as near as I can tell). We have a good relationship except a distinct lack of SF, which is frustrating b/c I see it as a barometer of the M. There have been performance issues that I detailed in some posts a while back and don’t really want to re-hash them but wanted to know if others are experiencing basically a platonic M? What did you do about it? I sincerely love and desire my wife but am disappointed we’re not running on all cylinders and it seems like unrealized potential to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> We've talked about it and have even discussed in MC but we're not making any progress on this.

I hadn’t posted or visited here too much in the past several months, in hopes of moving the A towards the back of my mind but haven’t been successful yet. Appreciate any feedback.

V/r,
No way

Platonic? Ugh! That sounds much more like another word for "conflict avoidance."

It is very common for a male's sex drive to be higher than a female's. Some of is normal differences between men and women, based primarily in the differing testosterone levels and partly in the differences in how men and women "show they love someone." For men, it is usually tied directly to sex. For women, it's not, it's in the things one does other than sex that says to the woman, "I love you."

So let me ask you a "platonic" question. What have you been doing to let your wife know that she is special, beautiful, and highly attractive and appreciated by you? Or is each day pretty much a "cookie cutter day" in your marriage?

If you desire more sex, there is nothing wrong with that. But what have YOU been doing to "set the mood" in your wife's mind that you love her "even if there was no sex?"

God bless.

Those are good questions and stuff I've learned by reading SAA, HNHN and a few other books. We usually try to make a night out together for dinner each week so we can just talk and I brought some flowers home last week for her. During the work week, we're pretty much in auto-pilot, just making it by day to day, which is OK with both of us. I have tried showing appreciation and affirmation but, admittedly, after awhile w/ no SF, my efforts diminish, kind of a vicious cycle that I want to break.

V/r,
No way