I need help please, here are the events leading up to my constant depression and sadness. I tried to post before and i got an error so if this posts twice, excuse me. I am 23 and my husband and i married when i was 21 in 2004. We were happy for about a year with a fight here and there. We started to lose our friendship and he went traveling over the road. I was sad and lonely, we had no money, no love. When he cam back, i told him how i was feeling. I had had relations with someone else at the time and the guy told my husband and i lied my way out of it and regret it til this day. I was scared of him, he was agry all the time. In july my husband tried to kill himself when i told him i had to leave. He was admitted to a psych ward. I missed him so much. I felt bad. He got out and we were fine for a few days. I became sad again. I left and went back home to my moms. Eventually i got my own place. And my husband got help and became a new person. He had an ex girlfriend come and live with him. We maintained a better friendship than we ever had. I started to date the man who was my best friend for all my life and we were doing great together and then just one day i missed my husband. I went home and the girlfriend went away. I was happy for one day. I am sad again and depressed and i miss the other guy more than ever.......is my marriage over? I am sad. I dont know what to do....is there someone else for me and him?

It sounds like you're trying to find someone to make you happy and feel good. That is not a relationship. A relationship is two people giving and caring about the other.

You need to take responsibility and charge of your life. Quit looking for your happiness in other people. Develop a confidence in yourself.

Then work on your marriage. Give your time, give with all your effort, give your love. Don't give so that he will make you happy. Give because you love him and you want to help heal the pain you have caused. That cannot happen if you have any safety net. That means all contact with any boyfriends is out of the question.

It sounds difficult, but it really isn't that hard. Instead of thinking about how he acts toward you, think about what you can do for him. You start finding joy in things that you never noticed before because they mean something to him. You don't give up because you have a bad day or week.

I am not by all means trying to insult you, but it seems like there is no one to talk to b/c no one really listens to me. I dont think my husband is the one for me. I understand i entered into a legal contract to marry him so I am legally bound the rest of my life to make it work no matter who is unhappy. I have tried and tried and found no desire to make it work. Ill cut all ties with everyone and seclude myself to my husband to make it work. And that is all i really wanna do anymore. If this was just me boyfriend no one would be telling me to be unhappy. I am never gonna find myself and i dont care anymore. I am really sorry i even came on here.

I'm not telling you to be unhappy. Actually, you won't be happy in this or any other relationship until you are happy with yourself. Get a counselor or find a mentor (older same sex friend) that will give you honest feedback. Pray. God's grace is amazing. It will take time, but you can find yourself. Learn to like yourself. Then, when you have the confidence where you don't NEED the attention from the relationship, you can start working on it for the right reasons.

Im sorry, I hope you didnt think I was being mean. I am just not in the best of moods. I am sad and i feel so obligated to be in this marriage when i was so happy without it. I have been consumed by everyones gult, made so many mistakes. I cry and cry all day. I have even had thoughts of dying, not suicide sometimes i just wish i wasnt here. I made an appt to see someone about depression at the mental health clinic. My best friend in the world was that guy i dated since i was 11 years old. Now i am expiriencing life without him too. It is too hard sometimes, i wanna just leave and not come back. I dont wanna keep hurting my husband, he is good guy and there is someone for him. Again im sorry i came off like that. I am realy stressed and hurting.

But of all the people in the world, he picked someone. He picked you.

However, don't expect things to change overnight. You both have been hurt and it will take time to heal. Start by healing yourself. I know it seems overwhelming. That's why you have to take one little step at a time. Focus on today, not 5 years from now.

Read some of the concepts and articles on the Marriage Builder's site. You said you don't think people listen to you. Maybe, they just don't understand what you are trying to tell them. We can always learn to communicate better.

Yes i know he picked me. He is head over heals in love with me, But i dont feel that way about him, I have not truly felt that way for him since March....he picked me and i felt that way at the time....but i dont feel that way anymore. When i am around him i feel trapped, miserable, upset. i cant bring myself to work on our marriage at all....how do i know I am just done working on this...

okay so..i come home to my husband from work. and after we agreed not to bring the girlfriend and the boyfriend up..he did it anyways and said cruel stuff about it. then we went right back to him blaming me for him trying to kill himself and that he doesnt wanna live again and went right back to the same ole guy. i tried to tell him that i spent all day on here and other sites looking for help..he doesnt listen..please anyone help me...im begging

I agree with fbwidow. Until you can get your own act together you are spinning your wheels. It sounds like you are both manipulating each other and neither are mature enough to be married. I was once in a marriage like that and i speak from experience. I was just not mature enough. That takes time and years.