I used to read and post here a while back havent visited in 6 months but have referred many friends who have suspected affairs. FWH and I have been in recovery for 6 months I think. D Day was 1-27-06. Planned a and forced plan b- he moved out in March. Came back in April with complete open book policy, no contact, quit job, and we moved to aother city. I am the problem. I have forgiven to the fullest extent, but I cannot stop thinking about A. It all started last October and I think that is why I am so haunted by everything now- keep going back to what was happening on this day last year, etc etc etc. I even went through a phone bill of 1200 cell phone calls and called many of them. I havent snooped in months. No email anymore, dh doesnt even use a computer anymore ( i discovered A via email.)

How long does this last? I know 2 years before life gets back to normal, but he is doing nothing wrong. It is just me and my freaking brain that wont turn off....does this make since????

Congrat !!!. You are in the 10% stats that able to put your M together. Yes, this is common ... you have to be honest with your FWS. It is part of moving on, he has to know about this and it is for both of you to discuss and find ways to address your insecurity. Rememebr trust is earned not given. Do you have IC working with you ?.

Question: Is life back to normal pre A ?. If it is then your M is prone to A again. It should be much better than before A.

Suggestion: Snoop .... to give you piece of mind until you are tierd of doing it.

-rh-

The first year is the hardest and yeah those anniversary kind of days suck.

Does it help to know you are not alone? Every day in April this year was the same for me and again in June around d-day.

It really does get better. Just work on making new memories of the two of you to counteract the bad ones.

Hang in there.

cantgiveup - yes, it makes sense. The trauma of adultery strikes very deep and regaining trust takes a very long time. Ultimately it will be up to you to begin to start trusting again and all your husband can do is to continue to be trustworthy because simple "blind trust" will never return again. You CAN get back a trust that is close to "blind trust," but not after you have years of "proof" that he can be trusted when you are not around.

Fighting the impulse to "snoop," or to "check up" on him will be around for a very long time too. For now, since it's only been a few months, check up to your hearts content, but with the caveat that if your husband learns you are, or have been, checking up on him, it will be seen as a "love buster" if he really has been trying to rebuild the marriage. This is part of what is behind the concept that "recovery is in the hands of the BS." Yes, it does take to two to actually recover a marriage, but eventually only the BS can "let go" of the past and start living in the "new reality."

Hopefully you will both have learned important lessons, like Emotional Needs and Openness and Honesty in your marriage, and will essentially "affair proof" your marriage in the future.

It's not easy. And a lot of it IS dependent upon your spouse, but once you've realized that your checking up has been "negative" in finding anything to be concerned about you will have to CHOOSE to begin to let go of that insecurity habit. Once you get to that point, you will be "Recovered."

God bless and good luck!