Mrs Rob

as a FWW as well, I just wanted to say don't give up
its not unusual for a BS, men I think perhaps more than women, though of course I say that from my perspective lol, are prone to the "I just dont care go away" times.

Not always directly related to the affair, though its bound to be rolled up into the mix.

Even now I still get those times from my wonderful man, I just have to back off slightly, not withdraw, and let him do what he wants for the time. He just does not want to interact with any of us.
In our case its of course tied up with his job as well but lots of other reasons for others I guess. Of course I'd be foolish to think my affair wasn't part of it.

But you just sometimes need to be there, so he knows you are there. I don't know about you but I always have this urge to 'do' something (who said only men had the need to FIX things?<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) and when I give in to it, it usually blows up in my face <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

you are doing the right things and changing yourself. I feel he will see that and hopefully will want to join you in that journey.

wishing you all the best

AW

Mrs. Rob.. I don't think that your H should have to win you back... nor dsiplay the attitude that he should. He should display a willingness to work towards a healthy M at some point... but the concept of winning back a spouse that has strayed is a bit "off" to me.

And I happen to agree with Techie about SF and its place in EN. Just because the good doctor says his experience is that it is the #1 EN does not make it true. Men have a tendancy to over sell the physical and downplay their own emotions. It is easy for a man to admit that he wants more sex... a lot more difficult in our society to admit that he needs more emotional stroking from his W.

Hi everyone-

Well, I know the SF for my H is #1- if he's getting what he wants in that department, he's pretty easygoing in all other departments. ANd I've been pretty forthcoming in that department! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Though Eagle, I do agree that the EN's change over time- but it does seem with my BH that there's a certain "level" of SF that needs to be met, then when that's taken care of, the other EN"s come out....

I've had one teeny tiny "incident" of picking that only lasted about 15 minutes (they normally last an hour ish), other that that I'm on day 5 of no freaking out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />. Some sort of record, probably. I have just decided that if he does decide to divorce me I"ll be okay, but I'm 99.9% sure he won't, so I decided to make him glad he didn't.

Piojitos- I think that your WW (hopefully FWW) is doing somehting that is pretty normal in wanting to put the A behind her- and "you" as a couple. It's normal to want to just "get over it." That doesn't make it right or possible, but she's feeling bad that she did all this and wishes it could all go away. She will realize, as I did, that it doesn't just "all go away," even though you want it to- and then she'll feel really really bad. Then you together can start to heal from all the fall out.

MEDC- you're right about the winning back thing, it is not what I really meant to say- just that I want him to want a great marriage, not just a "stay together for the kids" marriage. I want him to WANT to stay married, not HAVE to stay married.

AW- thanks for the input- you are absolutely right about the fixing things and about it blowing up in my face! It's like, I did all this damage, now I need to fix it but I can't!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Techie- I agree that SF can be great but not the emotional connection I want with BH- that there is more to him than just wanting SF, and I need to be in tune with that.

Big K- I dont' think you're a pig, either..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Another day to prove to myself and BH that I'm repentant and desirous of a wonderful marriage!

And LA and Eagle15, thanks for reiterating that I"m a Fww, not a WW!!!