I started not to post anything about this today but it weighs heavy on my heart.<P> As some know I have three boys, Eric 6, Devin 4, Nicholas 2<P> I see things in them that only a few others see. I see the way this has affected them and how they react. Truthfully it hurts worse than my wife leaving.<P> Eric: He trys to be so strong. He fights through days as I do, trying to hold back tears that I see well in his eyes. He has fallen behind in school and answers everything with a non-committal response. IE) My mother picked him up from school and asked if he wanted a milkshake, he said he did, but when asked what kind his only response was "Whatever you want me to have" <BR>Last night as I was going to bed he stopped me and asked if I had prayed. Not yet son, thank you for reminding me. After I prayed he told me "I prayed too, I prayed that momma will come back" Ungh, my stomach knotted and my heart dropped. Me too son, Me too.<P> Devin: He is special in his own way. He has mild case of Autism and loves his mother more deeply then I can describe. She took him with her this past weekend to spend the night with her. His eyes light up and he jumps up and down when she enters the room. I received a note from his pre-school teacher saying that lately he cries and is very unpleasant at school. Again, poor Devin, all those emotions and he trods on.<P> Nicholas: This is the source of my deepest agony. He smiles and laughs and tries to dry the tears out of daddy's eyes because he does not know why they are there. I pray and cry, he walks up hugs me and pats my back and grins as if to say " It's ok Daddy, I'm here now" I hold him and tickle him as he sleeps to see the playful smile even as he dreams. Again the sadness grows.<P> Eric told me at church this past Sunday (see my weekend update success / failure post) when would stood for the alter call. "It's ok Dad, you don't have to cry this song"<P> Please, any commanets or encouragements would help. Thank You

I really feel for you...<BR>and know what your going through too.<P>I have a 17 year old step son (I raised from the age of 3) a 10 year old boy and a 7 year old girl.<P>My wife also left us 5 1/2 weeks ago to have her lover(sponge) move in with her.<P>The oldest boy is the angriest... He would just love to kill the SOB who took his mom (last Biological Parent) from him. Also... sponge and my wife are siphoning off money due him from his BF's SSA/disability. Lots of anger. I still have to fix his bedroom door... he put his fist through it when he foung out his mom was leaving.<P>The 10 yo boy had many periods of quite time. He doesn't like it too much when I talk about his mom's/lover's relationship and how I tell him we need to pray for God to change their hearts and minds. He's getting a little to much influence from older brother... on how to hate (the sponge). It's terrible to learn how to hate... <P>The girl is just a little too young to comprehend it all... but last Friday was the first dance practice ever without her mom... she cried for 1/2 hour before we went (admitted she wanted her mom there). This week will be the second time...without her mom. She's just starting to see the consequenses of her mom moving out!<P>I know I get hurt...<BR>I know my wife directs lots of anger and ugly words to/at me...<P>But it really saddens me when I see <BR>the anger...<BR>the hate...<BR>the abandonment...<BR>affecting my kids.<P>This, to me is the saddest part of all.<P>I'll pray very hard for you too.<P>Jim

Paul, I can't help but tear up when I read your post. I know exactly how you feel. My children are almost 6, almost 4 and 13 months. I have heard those prayers of desperation every night for 4 months and is doesn't get easier. And the sadest thing is that my youngest won't even know any different. He is too young to remember when Daddy lived here. I don't know what to tell you except lots and lots of hugs, prayers and talking. I have cried many times with my children, partly for them and partly for me. I don't think it gets easier on the parent but it will get easier on the kids as time goes on. Hang in there. We are praying for you and your children. <P>------------------<BR>Rachel :)<P>

Jim and Racheal: Thanks for the understanding and prayers. Without even knowing it my oldest told my mother part of the problem. they were talking and he told her "Daddy's sad" my mother asked why? "Because momma left and has a new boyfriend and he is lonely" More anguish for me. A six year old boy should not have to deal with these things, and I didn't even mention the boyfriend part to him.

Paul,<P>It's rough on the kids. They try to be so tough, but it really does affect them. Be there for them. Let them know it's okay to be sad. It's okay to let them see you shed a tear once in a while. Let them know you're human & have feelings. It'll help them in the long run knowing that it's okay for "men" to cry.<P>Don't pry them and ask them what they are feeling. Let them know they can talk to you about anything at anytime.<P>Hang on Paul. You'll be okay!<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR>

Oh how the heart breaks for the children who have suffered. I have 3 (8G,7B,3G) While reading your pain.I realize how much Jesus suffered for my sin. Him and his father had been together from begining of time, but because he choose to love and forgive the idolator (mankind) He died on a cross. The pain of the nails probally wasn't the hardest part for Jesus to do. I believe it was when the sin (mine) was laid on him and his fathers presence left him for the first time since eternity. He cried out "Father why have you forsaken me". or as cried more frequently in the hearts of our children "Daddy/ Mommy please don't leave me" He knows their pain <BR>God heals the broken hearted especially the children who cry the familiar cry of his son who died for us. Their cry may not be out loud but it is moaning deep with in their soul to God. "Mommy/Daddy please don't leave me."<BR>May you and your children have H.O.P.E. (having optimistic peace eternally)<BR>I will pray for you<p>[This message has been edited by unforgiven (edited October 05, 1999).]

I am beating these responses into my brain so that their wisdom may sink down into my soul

Paul,<BR>Have you taken your kids to counsleing. That may help them open up. I took my son and he seems to be okay. My daughter has been going right along(taken by my w). She seems okay but she doesn't talk about anything too much.<P>Just spend time with them and keep them first. I think that along with the Lord has helped me get thur all this so far.