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Thank you Nikko....

I don't have the strength anymore to wait for him to be honest. I've spent the entire M waiting for him. Waiting for him to need me, waiting for him to come home, waiting for him to have time for me, waiting, waiting, waiting.

Now, I'm supposed to just be happy that I have a H because so many other WS's are with the OW. I'm supposed to be an honest, faithful, happy wife, meet H's EN's and WAIT for him to tell me the truth. That's what I did the first 30 yrs and look where it got me.

I think things I've said here have been taken out of context.

- I have an appt. for IC July 3rd. All appts. for counseling are a min. of 6 wks. to 3 months out around here.

- I don't want to be like the OW. Yuck!

- As far as SF, I don't want my H to do the same things with me as he did with OW. Eeewww!

I want him to do things now like he used to do with me.

- The H I fell in love with is dead and gone. I'm left with this person I don't know.

- I would much rather be physically abused than go through the he77 I'm going through.

- Yes, I did lose it the other night. Everyone has a breaking point and I was at mine. The gloves were off and the LB's flew. I couldn't pretend any longer.

I told H if he wanted to keep the secrets between him and OW to just let me know but I can't take the lies anymore. I told him I would even dial the OW's cell for him, which I did, but I hung up right away. It must have been just long enough for our number to show up on her cell because the OW called right back. She left msg. on our answering machine.

It was just "Hello, hello, is anyone there"? She said this a couple of times.


My life since Jan. 2003....

1. We bought our home based business.

2. My mom had a stroke.

3. Dad had emergency surgery.

4. While staying at our house, Dad started bleeding from a different surgery he just had.

5. I was diagnosed with my illness and dr. couldn't figure out how I was still alive.

6. Only able to work 5 hrs in 2 wks. New boss on my case daily.

7. Found out sister#1 kept all money from a business venture we started together.

8. Sister#1 and brother#1 were trying to get parents out of their house so they could buy it cheap.

9. Diagnosed with an STD for the first time.

10. I was involved in a serious car accident. I couldn't use my right leg or left arm.

Emergency room gave me crutches.(try that sometime). I had injury to my eye and a back injury that didn't show up at that time.

Oh, I was coming from the dr. when accident happened. I just found out I had the STD for the 2nd time.

11. I was diagnosed with an STD for the 3rd time.

12. Had eye surgery to repair damage from car accident. H dumped me off at home after we got home and left.

13. Discoverd H's A. Attempted suicide, was abused by a doctor in the hospital.

14. Discovered OW's plan for me and OW's BF to "disappear".

15. Discovered OW still has "plans" for me. I'm no longer scared because I give up. She wins. Whatever happens, happens. I don't have the strength anymore.

16. Sister#2 and I are still trying to protect mom and dad from sister#1 and brother#1. The real problems from them 2 money-hungry scumbags.

My car is packed. I was going to leave last night, but I was very weak. H and I were talking but I fainted again so had to stay. Still didn't feel well today. I will be leaving tomorrow.

After tomorrow, I won't have a computer. I'm leaving both of them behind because they are needed for the business. I will have to buy another one.

Thank you Frognomore for everything you tried to do for our M. You are a great person and I have a lot of respect for you. You never gave up on us.

Nikko, thank you for your prayers.

Everyone else, thank you for your support and 2x4's. I did hear everything you said and tried very hard. Sometimes the person has been knocked down too many times and just can't recover.


troubled_water
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Wow, that is quite a timeline. I suggest you get some personal counseling to deal with all of the losses. They tend to pile up and become overwhelming.

Keep in touch, even if you have to go to the library. I DO think you need at least a break from all of this.

What happened to me was that the lying and cr*p went on so long that one day I woke up and just didn't love my WH anymore. Sad, but it happens.

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that post sums up a lot.....but it doesn't explain "what happened"?

i pray you are still reading and havent gone. please tell us what happened that led you to lb'ing and letting it fly. we cannot help you if we dont know what is going on.

if i was to respond to just the above....the one thing that jumps out at me is this...

"I told H if he wanted to keep the secrets between him and OW to just let me know but I can't take the lies anymore"

was this about the timeline? i know you have put it off as much as him....so how is it all him?(see without an explaination, it seems you have put it off as much as him and now you want answers and he wasnt ready, or giving them to you and you blew! this is why explaining what happened is important....cause i dont think you blew for no reason..)
or.....did he lie about something again?

i do know what it feels like...it took years for hubby and i to really get to the truth...and to be honest with you....i have no idea if i got all the truth or not....how would i ever know that? i finally got to a point that i gave up trying to get it all and accepted what i had. it sucks but it was what i had....maybe it is all the truth,,,maybe not....i would have no way to ever know. but i was ready to move on.....and i did slowly.


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Thank you Believer and Nikko. I was ready to leave on Sat. but my plans fell through. Couldn't find key to olddest sons house and he is out of state for at lease 2 more wks. That is the only place I had to go. I'm stuck here for now.

What happened is this...I have asked H a couple of questions since D-Day and he would never answer them. He said he is being honest now but still avoids answering these couple of questions. He changes the subject every time. (You see, these questions are ones he can't use the excuse "I can't remember").

He told me he answered them but he didn't, he changed the subject each time we went back to it. There are other things from the timeline we already talked about a couple of weeks ago where the facts changed again. I told him I am more confused now than before.

The timeline was supposed to be the truth. I kept my word and didn't hold things he told me against him. He could feel safe telling me anything. It was ending up to be more of the same crap I've been getting since D-Day.

The more we talked and the more he changed the subject, the more frustrated I became. I snapped, and the LB's flew.

I love H with all my heart, but the lies just show me that his secrets with OW are more important than our M. H's words don't match his actions.

Yes, I have put off talking about the timeline on some nights because there were always interruptions. Phone calls, family dropping in, etc., etc. I couldn't handle talking for 30 min. then pretending we're happy for a couple of hours then go back to talking. That is why we had decided to go away for the weekend...no interruptions. But if he is just going to keep up the lies, then why continue?

Getting crumbs of truth over several weeks, is too painful for me. It like I'm bleeding to death and he is giving me bandaids.


troubled_water
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sounds all too familiar to me...unfortunately. so he is avoiding.....

ok...you blew and were gonna leave....did you have a plan? other than go to son's house....what is your plan? how will you survive if you really do go for good? have you worked out that plan yet? if not.....and you are serious, then you need to figure out a plan for separating.

now, onto him.....unfortunately i have no magic bullet for you.(to make him wake up and get it) mine took years and me finally saying...goodbye, im done.

my hubby also needed lots of counseling to get to the point of not avoiding....and it was long and painful for me. i called out to some friends to come and possibly help with all of this for you and your hubby....


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TW

I wonder if something my IC did with me might help you get the information you need.
I was a WS and I was petrified of telling my H the details which he wanted. He was quite rightly very angry and getting more angry over my avoidance. You see now I realise he needed that to be able to forgive, some spouses want lots of detail, others don't but still want the facts.
I felt that if I told him the details he would leave.
If I didn't tell him the details he was pretty determined to leave, but still I avoided. Why? FEAR
So I went to my IC and she suggested that I ask him to put his questions in writing to me so I could put the info he wanted, needed, in written form to him. He felt I was cracked and was a few snaga's (sausages) short of a BBQ as he told me, but he did and I gave him the details. It was HORRIBLE yes, it took me days, but I did it & it worked for us.
You see sometimes its easier to write about it than to tell someone in person, eapecially when you are so ashamed and feel so dirty and lower than a slug under a rock. After that we were able to talk about it, slowly at first of course but it became easier to talk, not eaiser to handle for some time, but not so hard to talk about.
Fear TW is a huge barrier to a WS wanting to be a FWS, the truth of events is felt to be so 'terrible' that the BS will never get over it and never forgive. Fear because the BS quite rightly does have the right to say 'goodbye' 'get lost' etc and the [F]WS knows it all too well.

Perhaps this is a method to get around your H's fear, avoidance, and yes self denial of what he did. I was going to post to your H the info above & suggest this to him as a way to put down the TRUTH, not what he thinks you want to hear but the TRUTH, because until you have that recovery cannot begin.

AW


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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Nikko...
No, I don't have a plan. My job will be done the end of December so I won't have an income. No one else will hire me because I'm sick so much. Dr. wants me to go on disability, but I don't want to sit at home and become a hermit. I don't think I can survive long on my own. H's A totally destroyed us financially and ruined our credit. I live one hr. at a time.

My illness is progressing. I'm starting to feel numbness in one of my arms and in both my hands. I haven't told H this yet and don't want him to know right now because I don't want him to feel sorry for me. He already feels like he caused my illness and telling him this right now won't help anything.

I know I'm not being RA about this one thing. I just don't want to give him the idea I'm helpless and can't make it on my own. I hope this makes sense.

All I wanted from H is honesty about A. It was the only thing that could prove he wanted me and our M more than the OW. H always put me last in his life. (H agrees he did this.) I need him to prove to me our M is 1st in his life.

He told me I know everything about the A. Then, when we talk he says he wants to be honest but sometimes has problems with it. He said the lies just end up coming out of his mouth. Several times he has noticed this and has corrected what he said. This is an improvement on his part.

H has made so many wonderful changes but my #1 EN is honesty. If that would have been the only change, I would have been more than happy and our M would have been in recovery long ago.

Aussieswife...
I'm so glad to hear from you again. I wanted to tell you that you were right on a previous post to me. H has admitted so far that the PA started just after our anniversary. My gut tells me it may have been before that by the way he treated me. I'm thinking it may have been a year earlier than he's admitting to because omething just doesn't feel right.

I did write down questions at one time. He spent 3 months answering them. That was a few months after D-Day. As we were going through the timeline, I was writing down the questions I ask and his answer. If there was something we needed to go back later to discuss, I put an arrow by that question.

It may be worth a try again. I will start tonight.

Thanks. I better get to work now.


troubled_water
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Hi TW

I am sorry you are unwell however pls remember that you need to look after yourself and if disability is the best thing for you then perhaps you should consider it. I do understand the feeling of being home and being lost though. However maybe you could do some church volunteering or something like that if your job is ending. It is important not to be a 'prisoner' in your home, especially right now.

TW from my reading of your H posts he does want the M, knows what he's done but is having a case of 'stupid' right now. He just can't bring himself to admit it to himself I think because that = I am a BIG jerk & I failed my wife, family and M. I had trouble with this and truthfully still do so at times. Its not a nice feeling to realise you have failed those you love by your OWN choice.

The bottom line is that right now at this time he has to give you what you need to move forward towards recovery. That may be a personal recovery or both a M & personal recovery. So I do hope the written questions will work.

with care
AW


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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AW,

It's helpful to get insight from a FWS because I have trouble understand where my H's mind was in order for an A to start and where it is now.

I was the one that was going through a daily emotional He77 for several years. He was in the doctors office with me when I was diagnosed with my illness and the doctor said I shouldn't be alive. It was like he didn't listen and thought I was just getting lazy.

It was during this time his EA started with OW. OW is the girlfriend of H's friend. The first time they came to our house for a Christmas party, OW kissed my H as they left. She continued to kiss him every Christmas or when H did anything to help them. H thought that's just the way she is. (She does this to every man she finds to be attractive or a future candidate to use for money, etc.)

These kisses were not the peck on the lips meant to be a thank you. The kisses lasted about 3 seconds. Doesn't sound like much, but if you time it.....she meant it as "I'm available if you are".

What bothers me is my H never told me about these kisses other than the first one. She always kissed him when I wasn't in the room or when he went to their house without me.

I don't know where I went wrong. H said I met his EN's but he didn't believe that I loved him that much. All the nice things I did and said over the previous 30 yrs. meant very little to him.

H never showed any romance toward me. He said he didn't know how. He had no problem showing romance to OW. I saw it in his eyes. That's when I knew something was going on.

H promised me we would talk last night. Our son and DIL came with the grandchildren for dinner but we could have talked after they left. H found many other things to do. I felt he was stalling. At 11:00 PM, he said lets talk. We talked for 30 min. but was a waste of time.

I got the same speech...I love you so much...I'm so sorry I hurt you.... blah, blah, blah. We just don't get anywhere. H says one thing but his actions shows me the oposite.

I don't get my hopes up because I'm usually let down. H said we are going to talk tonight. He said he has nothing planned. We'll see.

He is going to call Steve Harley today because his current IC isn't helping him.


troubled_water
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TW
one thing, one thing you MUST get hold of and accept is this .. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG to cause your H to have an affair. he MUST own his actions, I mean did you push him towards the OW with a shotgun? No I don't think so. He, like I, CHOSE to address "our" issues or problems in a totally wrong way. WE must OWN our choices.
Did you have something to do with placing your M in a spot where he could chose an Affair? maybe you did, but thats all. YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME!!!!!!!!

OW kissing him like that ... isn't hindsight wonderful .. be aware but try to not let that image stay with you too much. I feel sick when any image like it permeats into my life now, shame and disgust. But we reap what we sow don't we? We cannot change the past but we CAN make the future a lot better!!

I get a feeling from your posts that you are not sure what you need from your H right now and maybe over the last 12 months, except the honesty bit of course which sounds like its been a problem thro the whole M maybe but you weren't aware of it???? but I feel you want more as well????? I do think Steve Harley could help but you must be TOTALLY honest with Steve and say those things which you feel or think regardless of what is thought to be the 'right' way to say or think. it may hurt you and your H but like a festering wound if it is not cleaned out how will you get better??
Your illness must affect how you feel as well to a certain level and this should also be brought up with Steve or else he will not know an important fact.

Yes he is stalling!!
He KNOWS he has to say or tell you some very very unpleasant things perhaps all the way back thro your M. I don't know, but I surmise he is hiding from himself if I had to guess. He doesn't FEEL you could forgive when its probably what you have been waiting to do by knowing WHAT it is you have to forgive.

I feel that maybe one of the hardest things for you will be to accept that he has told you EVERYTHING you WANT to know. Maybe this is where Steve can help as well.
But TW his action of actually contacting the Harleys is a GOOD move because frankly he won't be able to fool them for long if he is BS'ing (I don't mean betrayed Spouse either <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />) them and you, they will be blunt if required from what I have heard and been told.
It also shows he IS willing to try to do the right things for you to see he is determined. He wants you and he wants his M but I wonder if he knows how to tell you that with actions? Words are great but what about follow thro??
Maybe this is EXACTLY one of the things you need to say with Steve and give example so think on that one.
You made an important statement ..

Quote
I don't get my hopes up because I'm usually let down.
I think this is a very important issue you must discuss with Steve & your H during MC, very very important.

Now so far so good. BUT the bottom line as said before is .... you need to know what you need to know and he must tell you, verbal, in writing whatever.
You know, even if he cannot remember word for word or move by move what went on he surely can give you the gist of it. Myself I can sadly remember most of my actions, but admittedly not all as I was always pretty drunk. But even that is way too much. So I think he could give you most of what you need even if not move by move.

Please make sure you look after yourself TW as well.

AW


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AW,

There are many feelings that I'm going through. I just feel like my entire M has been a lie. I feel so used to hear my H didn't love me as much as he thought he did all those years. Then knowing there is nothing I could have done differently. Every memory I have is tainted by this.

H and I were supposed to talk Mon. night. Our children and grandchildren showed up so that didn't work out. We tried again Tues. night, but our youngest son came over. It's Wed. night and it didn't work out again. This is why I wanted to go away for a weekend to talk because we have so many interruptions.

Even when I feel there is an hour in the evening to talk, I feel H thinks of things that "have" to be done. I feel like I'm being put last again.

H made a call to MB and got an answering machine. He left a message and they said they would contact him. They called this morning but my H was working and couldn't call them back until after 12 and there is only somebody there from 8-12. He is calling them back right away in the morning.

Does Steve H. do IC? I know my H asked Jennifer at one time, but she said she doesn't do IC.


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do your kids know?(sorry i forget if they know or not....)

if they know you need to ask them for some time alone to talk. then shut the phone and lock the door and get on with it. you guys have to do this. i think BOTH of you are avoiding here.

i dont think steve does IC. but he is the best MC your gonna find. he will give your marriage the best shot. let your husband talk to him. he will get thru all the bull....! then when steve wants to talk to you...you do it.


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There's no reason not to get IC with another therapist in addition to working the Harley. When we got our therapists, we told them upfront we were using the MB plan and any treatment depended on their support of that.


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TW I don't think he does as he specialises in MC, but I'm not sure. He may be able to refer you to some good people in your area or a way to find such people.
I do think it is important to get a good IC, I feel it was so important to me. I was very lucky that way.
Its a bit hard, well it was for me to be COMPLETELY honest with my IC at first but it was worth it.

I suspect the feeling of being second place in a M is not that unusal to many women, at least the ones I know. I find the H is usually career driven, dedicated and devoted to their job. One or the other starts to drift away from their M. Yet they are not unhappy either ..... their wives seem to give them all they need, but approval in the workplace. To be fair I guess there are women who are exactly the same.
Its not hard to accept you could feel your entire M was like this, second and not appreciated, tainted, and you had no solid inkling until this blew up. BUT if it was how he really felt I wonder if he would try to repair it?
Husbands who don't care don't stay and fight, even ineptly perhaps at times, for their M if they don't WANT it. I wonder if he feels a little bit like you? not sure HOW to begin, FRIGHTENED, and then stuffs it up??
I have to wonder if he is floundering around because he doesn't know WHERE to start and because of all the feelings you have been put through and the lies, you now don't know what to tell him or where to start either???
My IC said something to me that evoked some long thought and deep discussions with my H. She said we were "So alone together" ... and she was right. Sometimes circumstances and demands outside of our control meant we were apart for long periods, and sadly still are, however we never pulled out of that either of us when we were together in the last year or two before my A. It set us up for a fall, and when something hit us like a freight train, I fell.
A way to start, a plan, MB can help there, Steve can set up a plan for you both to follow. Some things may sound useless and appear to be of no benefit, but as I found there are reasons that you will be asked to do A, B or C.
Don't give up TW, its hard but you will see some light soon I'm sure. But it WILL take work, pain and some tears. Yes its NOT bloody fair either.
thinking of you

AW


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TW,

One of the hardest things people have to deal with is the fog speak after an A.

What you are taking to heart every other BS deals with.

I love you but I am not in love with you.
I don't think I ever loved you.
I have felt this way for ever.
He/She made me feel.......

TW understand one thing at the time your FWH had to beleive those justifications.

The question is does he still beleive them.

If he wasn't in love with you why would he be here. Why would he offer MC? He loves you enough to put the effort in.

I know you don't like not knowing the entire truth right now but it is on BOTH of you that it isn't done yet.

I could walk out my front door with my FWW and get in a car drive down the road, and just talk.

I can honestly tell you this though. I wish my FWW put as much effort into this as your H has.

Your H is a tweener he probably isn't one of the best, but he isn't one of the worst.

Be thankful for what you have. I know he wants this M.

You need to decide if you do as well.

I will say this though if you need every single detail of everysingle meeting, exactly how it happened and that is your expecatation you are setting yourself up for failure.

I have a great memory and I tried to remember something the other day. My memory permitted me to put it in a general time frame but if I needed a specific date I still couldn't come up with the specific date.

Now I am sure if I sat down pulled out a calander I could narrow it down, but maybe never come up with an answer.

If you continue to compare yourself to the OW you will never be able to move on either.

It was a fantasy. No reality. No bills, no business, no chores etc. It wasn't real life.

You want what they had? WE all do. Unfortunately I have to live in the real world. Not in fantasy land.

I told your FWH what everyone here is saying get MC.

It is completely possible that no matter what you will never move on from this. Not your fault it happens and every BS has the right to call an end to the M after an A.

IMVHO it is the BS responsibility to decide if they can do that.

Your H has made mistakes and so have you.

I think the other issue is I don't see any talk about what led to the deterioration of the M before the A.

That would concern me because if those haven't been addresed then they probably still exist.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


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nikko,
Yes, our 3 boys, my sister#2 and a close friend of mine know but no one else. Our boys know H had an A, my suicide attempt, and that OW still wants me gone. They told us they are there for us if needed, but respect our privacy.

This week things came up that were beyond our control. H and I are also taking care of many of my parents needs; meds, paying bills, repairs, lawn care, washing clothes. Many times I don't have time or energy to clean my own house.

I wanted to start talking last night, but H was outside digging up plants to move to another location. I'm not physically able to do this 2 nights in a row.

Mates4Life,
I do have an appt. with an IC on July 3. It takes 6 weeks to 3 months minimum to get an appt. with a counselor in this area.

aussieswife,
My H believes now that he didn't love me as much as he thought he did our entire M. This was something he realized long after he was out of the fog.

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I have to wonder if he is floundering around because he doesn't know WHERE to start and because of all the feelings you have been put through and the lies, you now don't know what to tell him or where to start either???

Actually, my H has said he doesn't know what to do so I think you may be right.

The fact that he let the OW kiss him for many years and didn't say anything to me makes me wonder how many other A's he's had in the past. There were times I had suspicions.

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My IC said something to me that evoked some long thought and deep discussions with my H. She said we were "So alone together" ... and she was right.

Wow, this is something I've said to my H for years! Even when we're together, we're alone.

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I have to wonder if he is floundering around because he doesn't know WHERE to start and because of all the feelings you have been put through and the lies, you now don't know what to tell him or where to start either???

I think this is very true.

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But it WILL take work, pain and some tears.

There is nothing more painful than what I've already been through and I've cried so much that I don't have many tears left. Learning to trust will take a long time. As far as forgiving...well...I'm not ready to even think of that yet.

frognomore,
I do appreciate the work my H is doing. I see the changes he has/is making in himself. That is only one part of this. I have to learn to live with the fact that he didn't love me as much as he thought he did for our entire 30 yr. M. That alone is hard to accept. I was already at the end of my rope when the A was found out.

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I will say this though if you need every single detail of everysingle meeting, exactly how it happened and that is your expecatation you are setting yourself up for failure.

I'm a reasonable person. I would never expect this of him. Most of the questions I NEED answers to are about things that he can't use the excuse "I can't remember" unless he is lying, like "Did you have SF in our house?" I feel he should be able to remember that.

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I think the other issue is I don't see any talk about what led to the deterioration of the M before the A.

That would concern me because if those haven't been addresed then they probably still exist.

BINGO!!!! This has been and still is a big part of my frustration and the cause of many of our LB'ing sessions. When we talk, I ask some questions to find out what what going through his mind before the A and what his feelings were about us. The only answer I get from him is "I didn't know you" or "I never took the time to get to know you".

He just keeps saying I didn't do anything wrong. That's not going to help our M at all. It takes 2 to make or break a M and I need to know my part in this so I can learn what I need to change about me. I'm afraid this will happen again even though my H says it won't.

My H did make an appt. with Steve H.


troubled_water
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ok...im gonna ask.

what are the questions he won't answer.


what we do in life......echoes in eternity!
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TW pls stick with Steve even when you feel its doing no good. Obviously there are some big issues of long standing that most likely even without an A involved probably would have driven you two apart.

No quick answers and no guarrantees.

I think at this time its a very hard slog for you especially when your H says he most likely did not love you as you should have been over the years.
However I feel you should look at this from another angle, yes easy for me to say, that is he is admitting he treated you badly and took you for granted and did not give you enough respect. Whats good about this? well it means he KNOWS he stuffed up and how badly. It shows he knows he needs to repair that.
Can he make it up? NO forget it. Thats in the past its lost. Mourn it, then let it gently go.

My MC told me I had KILLED my m. Took a while for me to admit that. I had. So I set out to make a NEW M. Ok we didn't Dv or anything but I felt I had to start anew. I could only repair some things up to a certain stage, it really required me to start over with my H in many ways but knowing so much about each other. And yes I mourned a lot for what I took from my H.
Did I make errors, oh God yes. But I kept working away at it. I did it too. But only WITH my H walking at my side.

Forgiveness TW. Well that one has been done to a dinner here over the years. I can only relate my expereinces and thoguhts on it. Forgiveness from my H, to my H What does that mean? it means he forgave me for HIS sake. I felt and at times still do feel dirty cheap and mostly worthless, it still happens, just not as often, because of my actions. What I did was unforgivable but my Husband has forgiven me anyway.
It is easier to seek forgiveness than actually forgive yourself. That sounds so confusing but it is how I feel.
Of course he feels anger and hurt and pain. He says he trusts me and yet I am the one who doubts. It suddenly has not disappeared or dissipated in a few months, a year or so. It may not for years. WE have to deal with that - I’m not sure how but we must.

I wrote what I feel and thought on this some time ago here maybe it can help in some way.What does forgiveness mean?

As nikko asks .......... what are the questions? Can you ask them here?

AW


Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.

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TW,

One of the hardest things for me was admitting what I did wrong.

Did I have a horrible M? No. Something I did or didn't do, real or perceived, opened up the door for this to happen.

Now I will say this yet again to you. YOu and your H seem to have a communication problem, You need MC.

I can tell you from my personal experiance it got worse before it got better with the MC. We took steps back in order to finally start moving forward.

It isn't a miracle cure where you walk in and he/she says here is where you messed up, read this paragaraph and no work will be needed.

I am trying to remember your H's daily schedule.

He has a regular 8-5 then runs a home based business with you right? He took on more responsibility there because of your condition.

If that is the case then here is some more advice but if it isn't disregard it. LOL.

You say he was in the yard and you wanted to talk. You can only do it one day and he was out there the second day without you.

How about going outside and talking!!!

Listen my honest advice is you guys need help. I did as did most.

My FWW and I had communication problems. Nothing got better until we got better at communicating.

I really think that communication is the root problem to everything you are saying.

The details of the A, the not telling you what you did wrong.

Heck you are lucky on that one at least he didn't just start throwing things against the wall.

In all honesty he is right it is a deficency of his for succumbing too it.

He isn't justifying which is really good.


BS 38
FWW 35
D Day 10/03
Recovery started 11/06
3 boys 12, 8 and a new baby


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nikko, aussieswife and frognomore,

I'm not feeling well this morning and I'm having a hard time typing this. Your words are giving me a new way to look at things. I read them over and over. I'll have to answer your questions later. I have to lay down for now because I need to force myself to be at work this afternoon.


troubled_water
BS/ (me)
WS/(H) EA 3+ yrs?, PA 1 yr?
D-Day 2006
children grown
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