Well, 1st a bit of history...tried to save it, FWW kept coming back and forth....I had found out about #1 OM....and then she also had a "friend" at work, but anyhow...the D was final 7/21.

She would'nt even return home to pack her remaining belongings....so I moved her stuff out 8/21 and had not see her since.

About end of August she had some mail coming here and I found out while forwarding it she was now living with "friend"....OM #2.

Well, here is the strange feelings, last night after shopping at Walmart....I come out to the parking lot to load grogeries...and her car is there, unattended....but my buddy was still in the store and I kinda freaked....I call him him on the cell phone and want him to get out of there so I can leave!

I feel as if for some reason? That I just could'nt stand seeing her.....is this normal...now I feel weak as if I ran.
Cause I did.... any thoughts? Thanks.

honestly, i avoid my ex at all costs. we live in a very small town. if i go somewhere and i see his car there i will avoid going in there. it just makes my life easier to not have to look at him. and i really hate seeing him and ow together. i avoid that if i can help it too only because i think she is a cheap piece of trash who walks around like she is the princess of some royal estate.

i don't think you are running away. it is just easier to not have to see or deal with them. that is how i feel anyway.
i will be very happy when the time comes i don't have to live in the same town as him anymore.

mlhb

Yep....mine is a small town also. She is about 20 miles away if she is still with the same guy....but her parents are in town, so she goes there.

I even really don't like seeing any of her family, but the last 2 times her brother and his family have seen me on the road...passing each other they wave and say hello, like they miss me or I'm famous.

Guess he aways did like me and once made the remark..."I'll laugh at her when you finally get tired of her crap and walk away." Thanks.

Welder--Those feeling are entierly normal. I have two X wives and my 1st one was in Omaha and occasionally I would run across her and it was pleasurable for me to talk with her. Other people would tell me what's happening with her (that was 30 years ago). Finally about two years ago I tracked her down and she STILL lives near Omaha and has 3 grown step kids and 6 step grandchildren! We never had any kids, now with my 2nd wife I have no interest in what happend to her. I think either feelings (or none) really can be considered noraml as long as they don't hurt anyone else. I was the main fault in my 1st marriage and in my 2nd marriage it was mostly her fault. Maybe it is easier knowing it was your fault then being taken by someone else.

johoman

johoman....thanks for your reply, but I must ask.....why after such a long time, did you feel the need to as you say..."track her down"?.

I only hope that someday, I can feel comfortable in her front of her, perhaps even pass by like a stranger....

The biggest hurt is the fact of the one I trusted most to lie so much....even after the divorce.

Welder--It was nostalgia based on two things 1. Gratitude that she put up with me for 3 years 2. wondering what it would have been like if I had been more mature at the time and the marriage would have lasted. She was very brief with me, at that recent contact, and I am wondering if she is still p.o.ed with me. Who knows? I can't answer you about how you will feel in the future. One thing is probaly certain as the passage of time the feeling will problay become less intense. It hurts to be made a fool of. Maybe that is why I feel a little like you about my 2nd wife. I guess it is easier being the sinner than the sinned against. On your next wife check her out VERY carefully before marrying and that takes time. With my 3rd (and present) wife I met her while divorcing my 2nd wife and married her 3 months after the divorce was final but, thank GOD, she was a good women. I didn't take my own advice! But this one lasted 26 years so far.

johoman

Wow...congrats on the 26 years....not only to you but the both of you as a couple.

Yes, i know now that I was a fool in many ways....but a trusting and loving fool.

I go very slow now at everything, even seem to watch the replies and words of family and friends, never wanting to be lied too.

I know that I'm the kind of giving and care taker type person that wants to be a husband...but also am very content being alone. Perhaps I'm just now at peace that knowing I loved very much and tried my hardest.

Thanks for your honest veiws....I only doubt that I'll live long enough to have 26 years of marriage.

Welder- I think the FIRST pre-requiste of a happily married person is the abiltiy to be whole in oneself. To many people (me included in the past) looked to marriage to make us (me) whole. Don't let this thing poison your relationships with others. There are a lot of cheaters and dishonest people out there but there are probaly more honest and loyal people out there also. Welder--by being a trusting and loving person you may very well attract that type of person to you. When I found my present wife I was busy just living mine and had no desire to find another wife. Give your self some time like several years. I don't know how long you have been divorced.

Who knows how long you will live. You might surprise yourself.

johoman

Thanks....that's some good advice!

johoman -- i wonder how your current wife would feel if she knew you tracked down #1. I am guessing that you didn't tell her, correct?

Man....I just wanted to update a little....and maybe get a little bit of a lift.

Seems like I was doing pretty goos...or even fine until ,y annivesary date 10-14 past and my head kind of messed up.

I know also that living in the east with the shorter days and winter weather most likely brings me down....but I'm a little impatient on when I'll find closure to all this and move ahead at a level of peace and happiness that seems to last for more than a few days or weeks?

Stuck- Yes I told my present wife. The first wife is not a threat. She remaried immediatly after divorcing me in 1970 and hs 6 gandchildren. johoman

Wleder- The good times wil get longer and longer and before you know it they wil be history. That is the way it works. johoman

Thanks...my son came home tonight from college. I'm hoping that once I get past the holiday's my life may start returning back to me.

It just seems that the things I onced enjoyed are now hard for me to do...and keep a focus. That may any sense?

I hope these feeling are normal Welder. I vaccilate from being perfectly fine, to hating the ex and the SOW (skanky other woman), so much that it makes my stomach turn. I keep hearing that someday, I won't care. I don't know. Right now, I feel robbed. These two selfish, stupid, mean spirited jerks took away more than I ever wanted to lose. OK, today is a "hate" day.

So, how long before I don't care about running into them? My divorce is recent and it was a long marriage.

Loni

loni, I wish I could give your a answer but I guess that depends on the person. Different times for different folks. It was been 6 months for me. But I still find myself venting. It’s not as much and doesn’t happen as long. But it still happens. I am still not dating, and will wait for a little longer. You need time. Bet if you had a penny each time someone told you this you would be rich! But in the end that’s what it take. Don’t hold in your emotions, let them free. I believe that the venting is just that. Letting pressure (emotions: hate loneliness and anger) find a release from us. I hope that in a year, I would have got to a place were I can forgive her. I believe when you can forgive someone for what they have done to you. The real healing begins!

Forgiveness is going to take awhile for me. I will forgive, eventually, because God demands it. As for now, I know that I am nowhere near. Like you said, maybe in a year. I know that I am much better now then I was when he first left.

Hope everyone is having a happy holiday. So far, mine isn't too bad.

Loni