My story...My H's friend from school lost her husband last year to a car accident. My H went to her side to consoul her, of course with my encouragement, after 2 months of crying on his shoulder, it seems my H decided that after all of their years in a friendship, he wanted more. Apparently she didn't at first (so she says), but over the course of several months, she must have decided differently!Needless to say, an A began...a VERY emotional one too! I became pregnant, after 1 year of trying, we ended up pregnant, one month later my H decided that he wasn't happy anymore. He moved into his brother's house, lots of freedom since the brother is always out of town. There were days I didn't even speak to him, didn't see him for weeks at a time, but he seemed to be enjoying his new "found" life. He went to counseling, but not consistently. This was a 2nd marriage for both of us. When I went into the hospital, 2 months premature to deliver my newest son, Dylan, I invited my husband into the delivery. The very cold person he was!, don't know what I was thinking, but thought that since this was his 1st child I should not deny him the blessing of his son's birth. Dylan spent ONLY 2 weeks in the hospital & when it was time to come home, I gave my husband the option of coming home with us so we could all become a family. He did, but it was awful. We slept together & it was like a 10 foot pole between us, no affection what so ever. He gave me a kiss goodnight & goodbye & that was about it. After 3 months of that crap he left again. He was miserable & making me feel sad all of the time. It was like he didn't care about me at all, much less all of the pain he was putting me through! He admitted that he was still speaking with her on a daily basis & he couldn't help the way he felt. He stayed away for about 3 weeks, living from hotel to motel, spending $$ like it was water. I guilted him into coming home yet once again & he did. That didn't last either! For the next 6 weeks he was back to charging rooms on the cc & driving us into more debt. During that time we spent quite a bit of time together. We enjoyed dinners out & time together. He admitted that he had put some space between his friend & himself & wasn't sure what he wanted. I should note...through all of this year's rollarcoaster he has never made a decision either way. So...I was waiting like a fool for him to finally make a decision. He did! After 6 weeks away he came over one evening & told me he was sorry for what he had done & wanted to come home! I allowed it yet once again, although I was reluctant to! He has now been home for 7 weeks. Assures me that he is trying to work on his issues. He is in C by himself right now & has not had contact with OW in several weeks now. I am having lots of difficulty...We do not sleep together & when I ask him to join me, he says that he isn't ready. He seems to be trying to deal with his feelings & isn't ready to deal with the marriage yet...should I be alarmed? He doesn't even say he loves me, admits to it when I ask him, but that is about it. In the last 3 days I haven gotten him to respond to my "I love yous", which is more than I was getting in the past. Am I expecting too much too early? When I cry like a baby from all of the pain that I feel he doesn't even show any response. I would get more from a stranger walking down the street than I get from him. Does it change? Shouldn't he be trying to rekindle? & wouldn't it help both of us? & our marriage? My counselor says that he may not be a multi-tasker, so maybe he needs to deal with one thing at a time? I feel so alone. We got into a heated argument the other night & he told me that he is trying very hard. Not hard enough for me I said. He has destroyed so much...family, friends & ME! I asked him to attend a "last minute" Retrouvaille this weekend; definitely short notice but I did ask him last night. He said he wasn't sure if he was comfortable with that yet?? I ask myself...Maybe he isn't even sure if he wants the marriage?? Any thoughts? Karen