well its been a little over a week, and now i'm finally to the point where i won't call her and i'm gonna give her, her space. She tells me she loves me but she's not in love with me. She says she doesn't want anyone else, she is only attracted to me. She said she has to do this, she needs space. I'm scared to death that she is not gonna come back. Things seemed fine and then outta no where she gave me back the engement ring and said she needed time and space. She has ms and an underactive thyroid. I know she has a mri next month to see if the ms has progressed at all, so maybe that has something to do with it. I guess i'm different cause in my head i'd rather work through things, then take time out. Why do people do this time out stuff, and how often do they come back?

Best thing you can do is to give her that space. Any begging, pleading, asking, or bothering will only push her away more.

Give her what she wants and act like you're carrying on like it's no big deal. This will make you much more intrigueing.

Personally, if she gave you back your ring and said those other things it's a very bad sign.

If you sit and "wait" you'll go crazy. Just let her go and if she comes back, then it was meant to be. If she doesn't, I know it hurts like ******, but count your blessings. Better now than after you're married and have kids.

i just don't get why she tells me, she is only attracted to me and doesn't want anyone else, why would she do this? She tells me she misses things, then like 5 minutes later says i'm always gonna miss things we were together for 7 years, or the i need space and i can't gurantee that we won't be together again. The mixed signals are killing me, i think she sounds more confused then i am if thats possible

Sounds to me like she wants to put her saddle on another horse, but wants to keep you in the picture in case she doesn't like the ride.

I agree with Bendover. There is more to this than she is revealing. Couples who have been together for a long time rarely break up unless someone else is in the picture.

how quick can people fall outta love? are we talking a few hours or does it take a long time?

It isn't really a question of "falling out of love." "In love" is a phrase that's bandied about a lot without much meaning. Love has several stages. The "in love" state is that powerful emotional attraction that one person develops for another. Some psychologists and biologists describe it as nature's little trick to get us mated to someone for the purpose of propagating the species. It's a passive force and seems to render some folks weak-kneed and giddy; but it is important to know it is not a mature love. Mature love is an act of will; it requires a fair knowledge of the person loved (flaws too), and a desire to be with that person that ultimately becomes a true commitment to the relationship.

Dr. Shirley Glass talks about the "in love" state as Stage 1 love, and mature love as Stage 2. Your fiancee's love for you is probably Stage 2; if she is having an affair it is most likely Stage 1. The two types of love are not the same and any comparison is unfair. Although ascending to Stage 2 is the natural progression of loving relationships, many people are hooked on the emotional high of Stage 1 romances.

Thanks largely to movies, TV, and romance novels, many people have come to believe that if they don't have that overpowering attraction that characterizes Stage 1 love, they are not in love at all. Thus they are quite willing to drop their Stage 2 relationship to pursue the Stage 1 romance.

It isn't likely that your fiancee no longer loves you; it is more likely that she is feeling Stage 1 emotions for someone else. The power of Stage 1 can be so great that many people are quite willing to drop everything to pursue it, including spouses, children, jobs, and financial issues.

Brother, I know you're hurting. Believe me, I know how badly you're hurting. If you really want to see her respond or even come back, then cut off or minimize your contact. Do the 180. Do a search for it here and I'm sure you'll find it.

I've seen the turnaround in all my relationships once I stopped contacting or caring or showing it. It is going to be very, very hard to do and every ounce of you will want to call her and talk to her. Don't!

You're not married. Consider yourself lucky if you go through this now than after your vows.

***She tells me she loves me but she's not in love with me.***

This is straight out of the Wayward Spouse handbook. Virtually ALL of them say this.

***She says she doesn't want anyone else, she is only attracted to me.***

Which makes absolutely no sense because if this were true, she'd be with YOU, now wouldn't she?

***She said she has to do this, she needs space.***

"I need space" in every instance means, "I've got somebody else and I don't want you to interfere with it."

You are not married to this woman, correct? That's good because she is behaving exactly like a Wayward Wife. The Translation of her words is, "I've found somebody else and I want to have my fun with him but I want to keep you hanging around in case it doesn't work out with him and I feel like coming back to you."

People can do this whether they're married or single. She is playing you. If you do some snooping, you will learn this for a fact.

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Here is The 180 for you. It may help:

THE 180:
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!

2. No frequent phone calls

3. Do not point out good points in marriage

4. Do not follow spouse around the house

5. Do not encourage talk about the future

6. Do not ask for help from family members

7. Do not ask for reassurances

8. Do not buy gifts

9. Do not schedule dates together

10. Do not spy on spouse

11. Do not say "I Love You"

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse – get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING

17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life with or without your spouse

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what spouse will be missing

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show spouse someone they would want to be around.

20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)

21. Never lose your cool

22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic

23. Do not argue about how they feel (it only makes their feelings stronger)

24. Be patient

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you

26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)

28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with yur spouse

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 5% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because they are hurting and scared

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel

34. Do not backslide from your hard-earned changes

A few years back, my best friend went thr0ugh s0mething ike this. She was engaged t0 be married when her fiance' t0ld her he met an0ther girl and was c0nfused. He t0ld her he didn't kn0w what t0 d0.

My friend didn't kn0w what t0 d0 0r say t0 him. I t0ld her t0 call him back and tell him that HE might be c0nfused, but SHE wasn't. She t0ld him g00dbye and have a nice life. Then she went dark. She'd call me every day crying 0ver him, but did n0t call him. After ar0und 2 weeks he came crying back t0 her. They did get married and n0w have seven kids t0gether.

If he never came back t0 her, she'd have been 0k. Eventually, she'd have g0ttan 0ver him and m0ved 0n w/ her life.

Y0ur fiance gave y0u back the ring. Ign0re anything else that c0ntadicts that. G0 dark. D0n't c0ntact her. C0ngratulate y0ursef 0n every day y0u d0nt c0ntact her. Eventually y0u will get 0ver her. Eventually y0u will meet s0me0ne else. Keep living y0ur life. D0 things f0r y0urself. If she changes her mind and c0mes back t0 y0u, think l0ng and hard bef0re taking her back. And insist that she tell y0u the TRUTH ab0ut why she br0ke up w/ y0u.

Hang in there.

~ Marsh

I told her i understand, and i'll give you your space. I haven't talked to her for a few days, its hard but i'm forcing myself to do it. I go out and act like i'm having a good time even though all i can think about is her. I want her to here i'm doing fine from people. I'm living my life. I got a few calls from her girlfriends, they all have told me she is scared about ruining my life cause she has ms, she thinks she is gonna be in a wheel chair and doesn't want to make me have to take care of her. They tell me not to leave completely cause she still loves me and they say she will come around sooner rather then later. She has a mri to see if her ms has gotten worse in a week or two. I'm hurt but i still worry about her health, if that is that case i don't like the fact that she took my decision away from me. i want to be there, cause i love her. I appreciate everyones opinions and suggestions. I just keep thinking that this ms thing and her being 23 scares her alot more then she tells me about. I'll continue acting like i'm fine, i have no interest in dating anyone for a while anyways