I am 42 been married for 19 years. My wife had an affair with a co-worker 14 years ago. We got back together and have 3 wonderful kids ages 11, 8 and 6. Last year she got ill and started saying she was lonely, and just would start crying out of the blue. She said abck in Feb that she wanted to separate but I was the one to have to leave even though I was not the one having problems with the marriage. We stayed together and I basically thought things were status quo and all of a sudden the s*** hit the fan. She has become friends with and OM who is recently divorded after 19 years and wife left him also. Should I worry about his? I moved out Oct 1st and am living in a piece of crap and the kids don't want to come visit me. I am at our house every day before and after school and on some weekends. She says she will always love me but there is something missing and she needs to find herself. She is moving out in two weeks to an apartment and she will be working to support that apartment. Do I just let her go and find herself or do I continue to fight? I know we could have a great marriage but she doesn't want to work at it.
Thanks

I would say so. Let's assume for the moment that she is having an affair. You will need to read the various articles on this website about Plan A/B. You probably shouldn't have moved out. Now that she is getting her own apartment, are you moving back in?

The issue of asking for space is typically a euphemism for saying "I want to see and spend more time with the OP without you looking over my shoulder."

How can anyone solve marital problems by being apart? Aside from that issue, you mention you are living in "a piece of crap." If things get worse and you end up divorced, this will be a factor mitigating against you getting custody of your children. Among other things, courts consider living standard in determining custody.


Again, read about Dr. Harley's Plan A/B to see what steps you can take to save your marriage. It doesn't always work, but it's about the only plan available with any chance of success.