ohhhhhh i like that one!

get er done!

Hey all a ya on my porch. Tomorrow is my BIG weekend, Pray for me. Thanks for all your input.

will check in later with Ritz detail.

WW describe weekend as "wierd" to her sister.

WW told me that she really enjoyed herself. Despite her flashes of anger.

somthing about looking at me and somtimes remembering the past and blaming me for letting her become this, then afterwardsw would want me to hold her hands.

feeling ambivalent. Would love to hear from some FWW here later.

I am tired.

Recovery is really *&@^$&@^)(#&^).

feeling very despondent.

oh sorry about my manners.........GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!!

Do WW have severe split personality?

I strongly believe WW is happy and greatful ont minute then "vicious - verbal wise"

blameshifting (see what you made me). and possessive........"Its MY car!! etc."

then on the otherhand..."If i catch you with your co-worker, i will hurt both of you" (WW threat)

Then the "I will not drop the OM as my friend!"

Is this part of withdrawal too?

Do WW still try to contact OM even after trying to stay in NC a couple of times?

Probably my emotions are still raw.

I can speak for WHs..SURE DO..I used to think of my H as being like Dr.Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....

The FOG is REAL, NC... and some of it..a large part of it still remains....

PLEASE, PLEASE STOP LISTENING TO HER.....

Remember: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.....

BTW, as you said earlier, RECOVERY is *&$^^@()@* and MORE...

((((((NC)))))

((((mimi))))

Hearing from you is almost as good as the ritz itself.
gotta work now.
check in later.

Yes SF did happen.

yes she initiated it.

withdrawal.....with fogs and occassional clouds.

She happy today. guess ill brace myself tonite.

Well, alrighty then...

You see, ACTIONS...

You are filling up that LOVE BANK...

Oh my....I didn't mean to say it that way..but it makes my point!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Damn....I thought the love bank was...........uh never mind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I've been filling the wrong love bank. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


JS

****soft tone*** "mimi, is there another LB that us guys don't know about?" LOL

NC007,
Man you are asking my questions for me. One min "can I run the the store to get you something you like to eat?" Next min "I just want you to leave."

As Mimi says - stop listening to her. I have trouble with that one, I don't know about you NC. I does hurt when they throw out words that sting. Why do they do this?

NC007,
If you are like me having read many many threads here, I question why hasn't my wife made noticable efforts in our M yet (6 months post dday, 3 months post No Contact). Do you feel like that. Reading the other posts, after this long the WS "gets it" and starts helping more and more.

Sounds like a good time at the Ritz.
M2L

Again..talking about a WH..

It took my H a FULL YEAR before he was ALMOST NORMAL most of the time.

I bet he's a lot like a WW because he had a ROMANTIC AFFAIR.

Seriously, I developed my own strategies TO STOP LISTENING to him when he was speaking from THE FOG....I certainly wouldn't engage in conversation with that FOGGY part of him.....

The saga continues on ..........the weekend of NC007 life.

Pull up your chair.


Friday:

We are in a rush to get to the chartered bus. WE were wondering how to get the car picked up and stored safely. WE brainstormed, and all our friends / family was out or busy, so WW says:

" i know this might piss you of but let me try to get it done by a friend......." she starts to dial.

inside my mind...

warning!go to DEFCON ONE, terror threat orange! brace your self!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggggg.

i said calmly" who?"

WW replied " OM. he could get the car and keep it for us or drop it by SIL and we collect it later."

inside my mind...

WHAT?!!!!! are you zapped my balls and freeze it MAD?!!!!

outside. calmly "Please do not call OM. i want us to look at other solutions"

WW"why?!"

inside my mind...
why? WHY? #(^(^#)@^*&$ WHY?!!

outside CALMLY "i dont want OM to be apart of our plans"

WW "whats with your ego! what do you think i am going to do?(i dont know) hump OM in the parking lot? (no you did that already)"

i repeated "do not call OM"

WW "Well at least OM is reliable!" (she stops call.)

me "Please give me some time to remove that spear out of my chest" actually feel(from the movies)like a gut shot.

the rest of the drive was tense , I don’t know what to say; she seething in rage. What a lovely start to our weekend!.......

Found out that OM called her and she answered saying that she doesn’t want to go, yadda, yadda. Then OM told her that he is happy for her and to go "have a good time" she told me this on Sunday night
(is this where OM can tell her what to do?)

she sulked for most of the journey but eventually loosened up when we got there.

We checked in.

Co worker was talking to me (good looking woman, nothing more) and it apparently made WW edgy (why I ponder?)
Then she said that she would hurt us if she caught us together.

WHAT A JOKE! This small woman “hurting us …..for what?” cant she see that I AM TRYING TO HOLD OUR FAMILY TOGETHER?

She loved the room (who wouldn’t? its the Ritz!)and then she got ready for the evening. Going downstairs she held my hands so i looked at her and smiled...WW said"dont take this hand holding to mean anything."

despite her switching back and forth(Jekyll and Hyde syndrome) The dinner went quite well.

We then went to the room and she fell asleep.

Saturday morning......

I Got up first. Spoke to God and got ready for my meetings. While ironing my clothes, WW was watching music videos.
Then she started to dance on the bed in front of me and we got it on, really good SF. It was funny though…….while we were SF, The video by Riana (sp?) came on about unfaithful (LMAO). WW quickly mute it and continued.

I went to meetings and WW to the Spa. I had some very productive time and she had the run of the place.

Still switching back and forth(Jekyll and Hyde syndrome) the whole weekend she left her phone off. And hang out with some of our friends. Later that night she got sick (the food variety taken in at one time is suspect) so dinner was as struggle. WW being grumpy and me being accommodating.

I dare her in my heart to try push my buttons to get me to AO or DJ.

We went for a walk around the property and then back to the room. I went downstairs and got some tea for her. Came back and found her watching some raunchy cable channel. Then she looked at me and SF all over the place.

Yes folks it was a good night.


Sunday:

WW woke up and watched cable, then a trip to the sauna. Had some more final meetings to finish. I came back and WW told me that she was looking at the gospel channel and started to quarrel with God.

I smiled. WW asked why, I said at least she was talking to God.

On the trip back she kept sleeping in my lap and squeezing bumps in my face(a woman thing I guess) and asking me to rub her legs and keep it warm for her.

WW then told me that she enjoyed her weekend.

At the bus depot we got a taxi to get to SIL (no WE drove the car to SIL and parked it there) while waiting, my co worker (yes same woman) who lived in the same area (didn’t know). Came to WW and asked if we could share taxi.

WW came to me and said “ Your girlfriend want to share taxi”
For the first time I almost LOST MY COOL.

“Look” I said evenly “Do not ever say such a thing ; Not even in joke”

She never said a word. We left.

Later that night we spoke at length about issues of the heart and she said she don’t know how to fix it, how to be a W, and that she will always feel for OM and he will always be a friend. She is trying but she doesn’t feel love for me.
Not that she doesn’t, but she don’t know why.

The rest is babble.

Then she says, “Why do I keep telling you things that I fear / regret knowing that you might use them against me.”

I said that it is trust. She wants to know what if my changes are just for now?

I said that if she loved me now I would be scared. It takes time , give herself time.

I told her too that I don’t want her to SF me unless she desires to (am I out of my mind?) and to take things one day at a time.

My son of late gravitates towards me a lot now. And ignore her. I know that might affect her some.

I guess I must have some patience still.

So that was my weekend.

NC

OMG!! What a SLEAZEBALL!! He's wanting to continue the A and USE your wife as his MISTRESS!! Is he an older man?



She's doing Jekyll and Hyde because she is still in touch with the OM. YUCK! I thought that this would stop since he is newly married. I'm kicking myself for being so NAIVE.. Of course, he remains ADDICTED to her. What was I thinking?
YUCK!!!



This won't change until there is NC for 6 months..WITHDRAWAL...

Mostly everything else sounds good. I know it seems like I'm dwelling on the negative.

Where are we in terms of the NC LETTER and changing her cellphone no., etc.?

Have you talked to OM'S Wife? I think that's necessary that she knows that her new H is calling your wife...that they had an A. She needs to know this ASAP.

Totally agree with Mimi...you need to get ahold of OMW TODAY and let her know that they're still in contact.

If she's going with that 'but they're just friends' concept, then relate to her what all you've learned here about THAT, and about how affairs are addictive and generally how they work.

Do NOT tell your wife what you're going to do beforehand. Be prepared for all ****** to break loose when she ehears about it, but hold firm and DO NOT FIGHT WITH YOUR WIFE ABOUT IT. Just tell her why you did what you did, and don't respond to anything else.

whats the point?

yes he is an older man
(14 years older)

right now i am tired.

really tired.

dont know if i want this anymore.

one minute i do next i dont.

you see i spoke to them before and i WARNED HER maybe that is what she wants to see happen. me kicking her out. making that decision for her.

i am sorry but i am not doing JACK **** today and probably forthe rest of the week.

mimi
thank you for just lending a listening ear.

Owl thanks for emphasizing that i need to re expose.

sorry guys.. i just dont feel it today, i feel like moving forward. AND take the only child thatshe can have.

I am at my emotional whits end. OM can keep her.

I tried.

maybe i can explain to DS one day.

"Lucky OM"

Remember you're going to be on a rollercoaster ride emotionally too. Obviously you're at a low again.

Personally, I'd make it clear to her what your expectations are here.

NC with OM....PERIOD.

If she refuses to follow that...then she can move out and find her own way in life. Make it clear to her that you will NOT tolerate any further contact with OM in your life. END OF DISCUSSION.

He's made his choice, supposedly.

But you're not willing to sit around forever while she tries to win him back. She can either move on and work on your marriage, or move out and explore what happens between her and OM.

You've made it clear you're willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work. And you still are...but that does NOT include keeping OM as part of your lives.

Warning, this was NOT MB supported advice. Be aware of that.

i just want to rant here.....

WHAT THE HECK ARE WW THINKING?!!!

why am I BEING faithful?!!! to that!!!!

Why do i hurt and cannot lash out at this injustice. Do i have to pay pennance or something?

Is it that a man feels good to break up a family?

I want to bust up HIS marriage....NOW!!!!

It is no longer about saving my marriage...Its just raw emotions.

Why should i fear God and she doesnt?

OM is sitting back feeling really good and stroking his ego while I AM CRYING and coming apart even ASi dTYPe this......GOD IT HURTS......IT HUuuurtrs bad?


Can some oneStooop this hurt.

please.

I cannot do this anymore now.

This world is sooo unfair.

i understand how bob pure view "exit" as better.........

wont do it but i just want the pain to stop.

pleaSe..........

sorry.

((((((NC)))))


Like Owl said, a rollercoaster ride but you can do this.

I think that your marriage has a good chance of making it if you don't give up. The OM doesn't want your wife, NC. He wants to USE her...like a STREET HO... He wants a PYT...She deserves more....SHE IS YOUR LADY....

You're tired TODAY. So REST..but DON'T GIVE UP, MY FRIEND...

OWL,

what is MB advice?

huh?

How do u get a $($^&*& to understand that they hurt you?

huh?

how?

It is so $(^)^ unfair. brutal. Leaving work now. I cant handle this now.

I meant that my advice was not strictly by MB doctrine. MB does not advocate the use of "ultimatums". I sometimes feel that they're needed.

But I felt it important for you to know that my advice wasn't completely within the MB strictures so you could make your own choice about taking it or not.

"OM is sitting back feeling really good and stroking his ego while I AM CRYING and coming apart even ASi dTYPe this......GOD IT HURTS......IT HUuuurtrs bad?"

I can relate to your ANGER and your PAIN.

But, as a husband, I'm encouraging you to FIGHT for your W's HONOR at a time when she can not.

In this situation, your wife is being abused. This man wants to USE her and she is LOST to him. He probably WOOed her with his CHARM and MONEY. I'm getting the picture now.

I'm encouraging you to FIGHT, NC. It's a BATTLE AGAINST SATAN. It's a BATTLE AGAINST EVIL.

I understand that you may not want to undertake this today..but you can do this.

SPOIL HIS FUN. TELL HIS WIFE. RUIN HIS DAY. CAUSE HIM SOME UNHAPPINESS as you are PRAYING FOR TODAY....

(((((NC007))))

I feel your pain man!!!! I know, I go through the same thoughts from day to day. Here is something else that I think about - my kids. You have a little girl that needs at least one of her parents to be there for her.

Take a look at "??? for FWS" over on recovery and read the way that the FWS "get it" at some point. I pray that my wife will get it one day. My Dday was 5-8-06 (10 days before my 10 wedding anniversary BTW). Yah, I'll never get that one back. I'll pray for you, your little girl and your wife. Hey, your wife is still with you isn't she!!! Actions not words.

Take an Advil PM tonight and get some rest. Keep in mind that you have people here that care about you and want the very best outcome for you and your family.

Hang in there,
M2L