I don't think you want to take the chance to include music that would make her think of the FOM.

IMO, I think it will BLOW HER MIND if you make a CD of YOUR SONGS..music out when you were first dating and fell in love..or music that you made love to..

HOW ROMANTIC!!!

i LOVE reggae

Bob Marley......Who said he wasnt a lover? LOL

thanks bob P

your life has really inspired me. Thank you foe your encouraging words from other posts that i have read.

mimi,bob

WW looks like she might be on a guilt trip
i am not sure.

Is it unfair for me to look out for the roller coaster?

Look as if she is still waiting for the "sword" to fall on her head, with comments like "Just wait a few years from now...when anger sets in"

I dont want to let her think light of what happened, yet still i want to reassure her.

any suggestions?

oh yes.she still is not wearing her M ring........

Maybe tell her that it would mean a lot to you if she put her ring back on. Maybe wrong here.

If it means anything NC007, my wife told me a week ago "I bet you want to shoot me." Same things I guess just dif WWs.

M2L i couldnt agree more

NC:

Address the anger issue.

Tell her where you stand with it now.

A spouse who believes, however incorrectly, that the anger will come, (hasn't it already?) will live in fear.

And no spouse should live in fear. So address it.

"I love you, My anger will return if you return to OM. If you contact OM. But now, I am working on us. And our future, the anger has passed. The arrow has pierced you, and I want to help remove it, and then tend your wounds and bring you back to strength."

Something like that. Maybe more of an island theme...

She may need to hear it many times and in many different ways.... (Hints of Lou Rawls? I digress)

Just a thought.

I agree with LG about the need to address actually what I see as her own GUILT.

I think your response should be, as you say, reassurance.

GUILT is a GOOD thing because she is experiencing what she has done as being WRONG..a definite sign of the fog lifting.

This was a BIG ISSUE with my H. He wanted to clear this up even before he came home and continues to not want to be "BEAT UP" about his A. With my H, it comes from his OWN PAIN and REMORSE about what he has done. I saw it as my job as his wife to help him with HEALING HIS EMOTIONAL WOUNDS.

So I am saying to continually comfort and reassure her that you will be there for her as she heals from this.

Don't worry about the ring...it will come.

My H slipped his back on eventually without me even asking him. He hasn't taken it off yet as far as I know in about 3 years...even during his shower. Isn't that WILD?

LG, MIMI,

I am truly humbled........the insight and perception you both bring is amazing. I am thankful.

Do you ever feel detached?

I guess i am going to sit her down tonite and let her know about my passing anger and also strongly reassure her that i love and will care for her.

thanks guys..........

PS how is the weather?

Hows the weather? You [email]A@@[/email] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

NC007 weather somewhere near 80

M2L weather somewhere near 40 dropping to 30 or 32 and winds up to 40 mph.

Thanks so much for asking NC, I hope you get a sunburn!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

LMAO, ROLL , ROLL , ROLL..........M2L i could use some laugh.thanks?

pray your WW is recognising how much you are worth.

Keep Warm man.........no really <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

M2L..Notice NC's "shades" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH never thought about that.

By the way, about triggers.......how do you deal with them?

I asked my WW to change her ring tone and she did eventually. Now we spoke a short while ago and i told her about my past anger and how i "know that she wont do anything now to hurt me" and i will protect her and her feelings(SAA) at any cost.also if "breastasorous"(co-worker getting on her nerve) troubles her let me know.I asked her if she was going to have lunch and she told me that she is going to grab some lunch from a local diner around the corner.

that's where she had lunch with OM on several occassion before.

my throat constricted but i managed to get the words out OK.

then hung up.....then emotionally spun out inside. Why is this?

triggers................arrrrggggg!!! how do you deal with them?

They will go away eventually.

It's the PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder). It helps to AVOID or to GET RID of the triggers as much as possible.

Eventually say to her: "I wish you wouldn't go to that restaurant" or "How about not telling me when you there". DON'T EXPLAIN WHY or TALK ABOUT WHY. That's when she will feel BEAT UP by you. She will already know without your explanation.

Like the CD you were speaking of...just get rid of it...

What are some of the other triggers?

i am not sure i will make a mental note next time.

just the phone rings. The going out to the beach (alone)
sea shells (they collected them)
that restatrunt.and unfortunately the park. they went there to talk then afterwards to OM house.
Black Suzuki Vitaras (OM van),silver Nissan sedans (OM car)
Fashion Shows (OM child does fashion modelling). That agency.

cant remember anymore.

love the advice and understanding about PTSD, i am going to read up about it more.

are these triggers i mentioned normal/common?

NC007,

are you happy now? It's snowing here.

Man I get those trigger also so your question is a good one for me too.

M2L

Well, let's call it NORMAL...I think so.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I certainly have those sorts of triggers which still occur but they don't BOTHER me as much.

I see them as a part of my life.

I have gone about ELIMINATING them from my life as much as possible.

There are certain places that I have REFUSED to go with him and he hasn't asked me again...stuff I've THROWN AWAY..music I won't listen to..change the station..got rid of the CDs...

I was thankful when my H traded in the car that they used to ride in together..I recall how resistant he was about getting rid of that car..YUCK.. and how happy I was that I did not have to sit in that seat anymore....

Last nite i called WW to ask if she wanted to meet me at another location before going home.
I couldnt get her.......

Later the phone rang and she said she saw my #. i said yes,just wanted to know where to meet her.......she said thanks and she would appreciated it much.

Then she proceed to tell me that she left the phone in the car and yadda,yadda.......i didnt even ask her, and she is giving me an account for her time!

when i met her in the park,WW said that she doesnt appreciate me staying in this spot as its darkish and lonely and not safe. (WHA......she ACTUALLY CARES)

later on at home she was telling me her day and fell asleep in my arms. NOw i know that i must take things slowly but it is almost MOVING TOO fast for me!

yes i re assured her about not going away and all, but i dont see any "withdrawal" or anything like that....yet.

She starts to call me now at work now and again.

somehow the lines seemed blurry between withdrawal and recovery.

of late i am feeling a little wierd, i noticed that its so easy to talk to coworkers about things from another perspective and understanding emotional needs and boundaries, etc. MB stuff......the wierd thing is i think it is not a good thing to do.



Why?

FEMALE co-workers are asking all types of questions and opening up about issues in their lives. Not good.

I dont feel needy anymore...just strangely detached.

good/not good i dont know, i just pray that WW really sees that i am trying to be the best H i can be and a good father. How long should i wait before love on her side "chips in".

M2L its snowing............come to think of it ......i have never seen snow.lucky you.

read your post, you are a rare H, i hope your WW sees that soon. You will do awsome.

Here is some sunshine from Jamaica (Via MB) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Take it easy mon.

keep warm.

One love.

thanks NC,

It snowed a little yesterday here. None stayed on the ground though. Why not come vist here? We can play "stick your tongue to the flag pole" You'll love it.

Take it easy mon - LOL

I know the only white stuff you see is white sandy beaches - must be tough.

M2L

NC:

I strongly recommend NO TALKING to FEMALE COWORKERS about RELATIONSHIP ISSUES.

OK?

In your post, you list numerous LOVING behaviors on your W's part...she calls you..is concerned about you..falls asleep in your arms..tells you about her day....

What are you wanting in terms of "love on her side chipping in"?