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here it is again.
I do wish I could still be everything that is right and true to you, but sadly I am not, and I do believe that despite what happened you deserve better. I can’t make it right, I really wish I could. All I have ever wanted in life was to be happy, it was never money or riches, it was just to be happy, though it is not your fault, I don’t believe you will ever know or understand what really makes me happy. And you know what I do love and appreciate you being in my life, not in the way you think but in my own way. And I do mean what I said before that whenever you get tired of me and need to leave me I will freely let you go because I do believe you deserve better.
Lata
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My hang up is that I'm at 6-7 months and my wife is home and living life with me and the kids and doing pretty well day to day. Just no loving feelings. We are like Mimi said - walking wounded not knowing what to do or feel next. It takes time. I read through your thread, and saw that you had moved back home, but was wondering if you and your WW are sleeping in the same bedroom. I gathered you two aren't in IC or MC, right? ~ Marsh Hi Marsh, No no IC or MC. I have talked to Steve H twice. We are sleeping in the same bed, ww still sleeps necked. We talk and whatch TV each night. The talk is bout the kids, work - just day to day things most of the time. When we talk about our R or M she blows up and tells me that she has no feelings for me. So I don't bring it up much. NC since Sept. If I'm jacking this thread I'll move back to mine. Just let me know Thanks M2l
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Over all, I think it's positive. She is sharing what she's thinking and feeling for you, right now. I do wish I could still be everything that is right and true to you, but sadly I am not, and I do believe that despite what happened you deserve better. I wish I didn't have an A. You didn't deserve what I did. I can’t make it right, I really wish I could. *doesn't need interpretation.* All I have ever wanted in life was to be happy, it was never money or riches, it was just to be happy, though it is not your fault, I was just following my feelings...trying to find happiness...I don't blame you for my choice to have the A. I don’t believe you will ever know or understand what really makes me happy. I don't think you can make me happy. *The implication here is that she believes there is some one out there who can make her happy. But, it's a lie. NO ONE can make anyone else happy. She is responsible for her choice to be happy or sad.* And you know what I do love and appreciate you being in my life, not in the way you think but in my own way. I don't have those passionate feelings back for you yet. But, I do love you. YOU matter to me. And I do mean what I said before that whenever you get tired of me and need to leave me I will freely let you go because I do believe you deserve better. * doesn't need to be interpreted.* What you both need to understand is that you can't make other people happy or sad. When you get this, it will free you both so that you can be O&H w/ each other and develop that GREAT marriage relationship you both dream of having. ~ Marsh
Last edited by Marshmallow; 12/06/06 01:02 PM.
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Hi M2L, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> You must have amazing will power. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> . When we talk about our R or M she blows up and tells me that she has no feelings for me. Will she let you share your thoughts and feelings w/ her? Or does she blow up when you ask her about her thoughts and feelings? Do you ever ask her for anything? Hugs? Kisses? SF? ~ Marsh
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Will she let you share your thoughts and feelings w/ her?
Or does she blow up when you ask her about her thoughts and feelings?
Do you ever ask her for anything? Hugs? Kisses? SF?
~ Marsh
Yes she will let me share mu thoughts, she just doesn't have anything to give me right now in return.
If i ask about her feelings she tells me that we have been over this many times and that there is nothing new to add
I have ask for all of these things and she tells me that she does not want any of these things from me.
We are kinda like on a 2nd or 3rd day. No sex, but we get along well while on the date (living day to day).
I ask for more than I'm getting and I get the not in love with you story and i think she feels like enough time had past that the feelings will never come back.
thanks
M2L
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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Feel free to TJ M2L, its your thread as much as it is mine. Saves our "enlightened ones" a lot of searching for us..........2 for the price of one.
MM can i tell WW that no one can make her happy or sad?
Hello 2Long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Welcome to the porch!
I missed ya! whats going on?
MM thanks for the interpit.
I think i will take this letter as an encouragement. And you are so right. M2L definitely has some will power.........Man...if WW even looks at me in a certain way, its "git some" time!!
She loves it that i still find her HOT! (of late she just accepts it as a compliment.)
Digging in for the LONG HAUL.
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Don't hear this as condemning, guys!!
I'm talking bluntly because I don't have much time right now.
I want to remind you that it is CRUCIAL AND ESSENTIAL to continue to EVIDENCE the CHANGES that you made during PLAN A..or THE CHANGES IN YOURSELF that are necessary for MARITAL RECOVERY..make sure to ADDRESS the NEEDS that made your M vulnerable to an affair...
Steve Harley told me that if you do the above: "HE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN..if he loved you once, HE CAN LOVE YOU AGAIN"...I'll never forget him saying that to me and it was RIGHT ON...
Your WWs do need to FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN...
Early in recovery, my H told me that I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU crap...
You know what I said? "You'll fall in love with me again"..I knew it based on how Steve had instructed..I just kept on WORKING MY PLAN..
As I said yesterday, FOCUSING ON BETTERING MYSELF..trying to IGNORE, for the most part, what my FOGGY H was SAYING....
Today..I think my H is more IN LOVE with me than he has ever been..
Monday, on my Birthday, he told me that I AM AMAZING...
But as 2Long says, it has been long in coming...it's been over 3 years since D-Day...
For us, though, 1 year was the REAL TURNING POINT....
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Yes she will let me share mu thoughts, she just doesn't have anything to give me right now in return.
If i ask about her feelings she tells me that we have been over this many times and that there is nothing new to add It's good that she let's you share w/ her. How open and honest are you w/ her? I have ask for all of these things and she tells me that she does not want any of these things from me.
We are kinda like on a 2nd or 3rd day. No sex, but we get along well while on the date (living day to day).
I ask for more than I'm getting and I get the not in love with you story and i think she feels like enough time had past that the feelings will never come back. Can you be playfully affectionate w/ her? When was the last time you had fun together...alone? ~ Marsh
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5 X 5 mimi....... Steve Harley told me that if you do the above: "HE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN..if he loved you once, HE CAN LOVE YOU AGAIN"...I'll never forget him saying that to me and it was RIGHT ON... thank you.....M2L got that? SEASONS GREETINGS MIMI!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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MM can i tell WW that no one can make her happy or sad? No, but you can tell her that YOU believe no one can make anyone happy or sad. Don't try to teach her....you are SHARING what you believe. See the difference? And then LIVE by that belief. Don't focus so much on her moods. Respect her choice to be sullen. ~ Marsh
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Mimi is right on. (and amazing) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Focus on understanding, accepting, and respecting yourselves.
Instead of focusing on your W, focus on doing positive things for your marriage.
There's a difference.
~ Marsh
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Gee i really love class here......a buncha confucious <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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no really i am learning sooo much. steping out for break.
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all this insight can make one ....for lack of a better term ....."heady"
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Yes she will let me share mu thoughts, she just doesn't have anything to give me right now in return.
If i ask about her feelings she tells me that we have been over this many times and that there is nothing new to add It's good that she let's you share w/ her. How open and honest are you w/ her? **** I think I am honest with her. I tell her how I feel and she understands. There are times when she tells me that I deserve better, same as NC ww. I am taking your advise on that post. I have ask for all of these things and she tells me that she does not want any of these things from me.
We are kinda like on a 2nd or 3rd day. No sex, but we get along well while on the date (living day to day).
I ask for more than I'm getting and I get the not in love with you story and i think she feels like enough time had past that the feelings will never come back. Can you be playfully affectionate w/ her? ***** yes, I can and do touch her and she doesn't push me away, just does join in with me. When was the last time you had fun together...alone? **** we went to Chicago for two nights about 2 weeks ago. We go to dinner once a week or a local casino. She will go with me evey time I ask or sets something up. ~ Marsh Yes - will power. Bed time is tough. I want to hold her so badly, but she won't have any of it. Well about a week ago we did it.. Thanks ladies for all of the advise, help and hand holding. M2L edited for spelling
Last edited by Maybe2late; 12/06/06 03:37 PM.
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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5 X 5 mimi....... Steve Harley told me that if you do the above: "HE WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU AGAIN..if he loved you once, HE CAN LOVE YOU AGAIN"...I'll never forget him saying that to me and it was RIGHT ON... thank you.....M2L got that? SEASONS GREETINGS MIMI!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> What mimi says is true. Even in cases where SH isn't consulted (I spoke with him once, but my W never has). I believe my W is falling in love with me again, 2. v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y But nevertheless. Patience is a vir2 in such cases. I've had 2 learn vir2, which is what my particular self-realization lesson has been in all this. Maybe it's one of yours, 2. -ol' 2long -ol' 2long
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Morning all,
NC - it was 9 dgs here on my way on to the office today. Buggers froze.
Ladies and NC,
Lastnight my wife was baking more cookies, something she likes to do, I asked if there was someting I could help her with. After putting the kids to bed I started to clean up the the kitchen. We talked about this and that - NO R, A or M talk. When she would make a point about something I repeated it back to her and just listened. WOW - this does work. She would tell me about a problem she or a friend of hers has and I would repeat her words and then NOT try to solve the problem like guys try to do most times.
She started talking very easily and we talked and worked for over 2 hours. Very nice.
Thanks for that gem girls.
NC - that work for you too?
M2L
M2L
ME BH 36 - FWW 33
2 kids
DDAY May 06
Sometimes waywards can be like Laxatives ..... They irritate the crap out of you.
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<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
WONDERFUL!!!!! YOU'VE GOT IT!!!
Last edited by mimi1254; 12/07/06 09:52 AM.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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M2L...how did you feel, acknowledging, clarifying or confirming...and NOT reacting? Did it rock for you, too?
2Long...great news about your FWW...I had no doubt she would when she allowed herself to, again...worked out her own stuff...because I believe, she's loved you all along...inside in a place she ran from a lot...and you're lovable...through and through...happy mushy feelings, 2L!
And M2L...you may perceive this to be a guy's trap...the fixing...there's no gender in it, I swear...I was in your shoes with my DH...and listening relieved me of "performing" so I could really hear...choosing to do so, I found, over time, I felt really heard, which was awesome, as well.
Here's to upward spirals...
LA
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HO HO HO EVERYONE, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Wishing you all Warm Sunshine!!!!! sandy beaches and so cool ice cold red stripe beer.(a little jerk chicken on the side <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />) Great M2 good to see you having progress in your conversation with WW.(prayerfully soon to be FWW) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> i caught my wife in a jewellery store, and when she saw me outside she chased me away. Later,WW threatened me with dire consequences if i ever go in there and investigate why she was there. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I simply said OK (never even brought the subject up.) On th was home we chit chatted and i continued to reaffirm what she was saying. Yes it does draw you closer. But last nite she was still fussy somewhat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> this morning i made her breakfast and gave it to her in bed. Went to work and here i am whit you my cyber family. as 2long said: v.e.r.y. s.l.o.w.l.y. is going to be my stich. but i am fighting to be patient and to persevere. LA,Mimi......MORNING!!!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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