Hey NC, Sorry, I misunderstood the ring thingy... I thought the GF ring was something the OM gave her. My bad!!!

You are doing well with Plan A and at the same time holding her accountable to boundaries without DJ, LB and such.

Keep up the good work!

HP, no problem mon

NC, I am a life-long resident of central Florida. Not quite as warm here as where you are, but OK.

BD

Ahhhhhhhhh..........florida, love to shop there

NC:

15 Months into recovery. And it does get better. So hang in there.

You need to do some more of this:
But last night she was being miserable and just plain bitc*** so i gently called her on it in a joking way asking her why is she being so miserable.....slowly she conceeded and changed her demeanor.

My BS learned this lesson after Dday, "Choose your Attitude" Meaning, you can walk around misearble, or you can be happy. And it has made all the difference in the world. Sometimes your words here may fall on deaf ears, but that is for her to choose.

And if music in the car can be a trigger, create a CD of the songs you would like to hear and put that in the car. And play that.

And what's up with this:

This morning i "Took care" of WW needs and let it at that point (Never felt anything for WW) got us prepared and before we left, WW asked me to dance in the middle of Nat King's "Chestnuts on open fire". It was good, till DS wanted to join the dance too.

How did you "Take Care"? Were you dispassionate? Or just change the batteries for her? NC, be 007 at these times! Knock the skin off the bottom of her feet, ok? Cause if you don't do it when she needs to be "Took Care" of, it just makes the gap longer to bridge.

And dancing in the Kitchen, Cool! It's very affectionate, and next time when DS wants to join, you got to grab him up in your little circle, and let her see that you are the team. Not OM.

OK, NC?

Yes sir, 007 over and out.

I figure she has needs too so i let her pronounced the letter "o" then i got up a bit after and got DS prepared.

I like the choose your attitude thingy.......will definitely keep it as one of my boundary when we interact with each other.

NC, sounds like things are coming along well. Slowly is not bad, it just needs patience.

Not to depress you, but you are looking at years of healing here. The good news is the farther into healing you get, the easier it is, on an everyday basis.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NEAK!!!!!!!..........so good of you to grace my post!

You know i am a lurker at your post and i have to say ...i admire your spunk!

years.......have you been talkng to 2long?. *sigh*.yess i thought so(about the loooooooooonnng time ahead). God give me the strength to persevere.

You know Neak...........It is my son who i look on and realise...........one day all of this will make sense to me.

WW is eagerly looking towards nextweekend when we do a marathon mall blitz...6-11 Friday, 9-9 Saturday, after church - midnight Sunday...... she is going to love it.

one day. How is the weather where you are?

This is how you make it through all those years. They don't seem as long when broken into small pieces. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My weather is wonderful - nonstop rain for days and days! I hugely prefer that to heat, especially the heat wave we had early this summer where we had 111-114* heat for almost 2 weeks running. Yuk! (Of course AW thinks I'm a sissy, since she gets 120+ on a regular basis.)

I just wanted to drop in and say hi. Have fun at your mall-a-thon!

Neak <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NC -

Keep doing what your doing. plan a and all.

The light just went on with my wife yesterday and she said it had a LOT to do with my changes (plan A).

see my thread for update, but keep doing what your doing - THIS STUFF WORKS!!!!

M2L

Hey M2L,

good morning my bro. how things in winterland?

WW took me out yesterday to a concert and we had FUN! she was in a happy mood and we went to bed.......this morning i got up extra early and made some special banana bread for breakfast and left her alone. She cleaned plate.

Just sent an email about when is SF <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />........yeaaaaaa!

Plan A and LISTENING and REPEATING all the way.

oh yes....SEASONS GREETINGS my family.

Nice NC, very nice - keep doing things with her. She knows right from wrong or she would have left a long time ago.

Snow melted and it's about 45 today
M2L

You know NC, it's weird, when you do plan A for yourself then when you see the light at the end of the tunnel you feel so much better about yourself.

Keep up the good fight and the good plan A. Your goal is near, look at the way your wife is around you. I know you have read many posts here with the WS is not even at home. You wife is and soon I believe she will be with full heart also.

You have come too far to let up now.

You are only 4-5 hours by plane. Now if I have to leave here where it is cold and come down there where it is sunny and warm and stay a few weeks so I can kick your butt - I will.

what helped me was to pull back a little and let her have room to see and to learn on her own WHILE living within my bounaries.

M2L

*****You are only 4-5 hours by plane. Now if I have to leave here where it is cold and come down there where it is sunny and warm and stay a few weeks so I can kick your butt - I will.*********

No siree i dont want you to open up a can of whupa55 on me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I do believe that it will be just some time.

****what helped me was to pull back a little and let her have room to see and to learn on her own WHILE living within my bounaries.**********

This is now my mantra for the rest of the week.

Thanks M2L i needed that.

PS. i got confirmed for my new job and i am excited! i feel that this was also one of her EN too (security)

PS. i got confirmed for my new job and i am excited! i feel that this was also one of her EN too (security)

Congratulations NC, now your wife can REALLY shop!!!!

After talking to my wife all day yesterday I learned that I was filling some of her EN over the past few months even though I didn't tink I was. Keep at it, it pays off. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

M2L

Yay double-oh 7! Congrats on the job.

Also, remember it's a ROLLERCOASTER!! For a long time. She's got to regroup and figure out how to deal with the havoc she's wreaked.

I kind of feel her pain, though Mr Rob isn't like you and M2L in wanting to WORK on our marriage- the "when is the other shoe going to drop" stress. "Can he really forgive me? Or is he going to make me think he's forgiven me and then kick me out of the house?"

She's stressed- it is good advice to leave what you cannot control alone. Something I need to learn too. It's hard and it sucks! But ultimately worth it.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

NC,

how ya doing today??? Will you be able to post at the new job?

M2L

NC:

Hopefully you will have even a faster connection.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hate to lose one of the most fun threads on this site now... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

You are so open about your struggles, and what is going on. And everyone north of you wants to change locales with you, maybe not problems, but locales... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

So lets see in the past week, Theater, SF for her "needs", and email for more SF tonight, and dancing in the kitchen. Too Cool!

LG

I've been away for awhile..

Where are you on EXPOSURE to the OM'S wife?

Of course, I identify with her, having been in her shoes.

I don't feel good at all about being party to not letting her know about this.

Plus, NC, I worry about you ENABLING the A without doing this other ESSENTIAL part of PLAN A...

Remember the CARROT and the STICK....

SEASONS GREETINGS EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

"Deck the beaches with sand and sun."
tra la la la la.....la la la la"

"Sing the reggae and irie song for carols."
"tra la la la la.....la la la la"

"Fry fishes and spicy jerk chicken"
"tra la la......la la la.....laa laa...... laa"

"Dont know what to say after this"
"tra la la la la.....la la la la"



well SOMEBODY better tell me how to hold on to my rooler coaster.....

Ms.Rob,

Are you a prophet?
****I kind of feel her pain, though Mr Rob isn't like you and M2L in wanting to WORK on our marriage- the "when is the other shoe going to drop" stress. "Can he really forgive me? Or is he going to make me think he's forgiven me and then kick me out of the house?" *****

This IS HER MINDSET, she keeps talking to me about waiting till i hear everything then dump her. Just waiting for the shoe to fall.......i hate HER ATTITUDE for thinking this. Honestly, wouldn’t i have done this by now? Do i ignore her when she says this or do i keep telling her it is for life?


Hey M2L buddy!!

How the weather? here is 80 degrees. and pretty windy.
My DS is having his class party and we got presents for the teachers, principal....babysitter at school......****** everybody. Hope you are taking things S.L.O.W.L.Y..........think about you guys and pray that she will continue to talk to you more. I am being hired as an in house editor with the Caribbean's largest multimedia house.

So i am darn excited.......ka chow! (OK so i saw "Cars"...loved that fella lightening McQueen)

LG,
Good to see you bud...................you want open with struggles? well here goes.

Captain Neil Log, Star date 12152006.

We entered the School region after a distress call from WW saying that she cant pick up DS because she is working late.

So i did.......and learnt that in the past she had OM picking up DS and carrying him to our babysitter.on 3 different occasions (INSERT PANIC HERE INSIDE).

She noticed my sudden drop in communication with her and WW asked what was wrong. So i calmly ask her about his pick up and she skirted the issue.

I replied that after much thought i realize that she wouldnt want to hurt me in any such manner.

I dropped the issue.

At home i made dinner (believe that!) and gave her a foot massage then watched "House", some medical series on the TV.

Right after the show she started to spew all sorta stuff out about how she is so messed up and she knows that i deserve to leave her and when i am ready to kick her out. That she also has the comfort of knowledge that our DS would be taken care of by me. She started crying and all and i just listened........after a while i told her what i learned about the role of a husband and friend....also that i am an individual, not like any other.......i am me. God made me like this and i am grateful for him placing you in my life.....i am her friend.

She said that my character has changed and that i have grown up and all :

INSERT HERE..PLAN A DOES WORK>>>>>JUST HAVE PATIENCE!!!

that i deserve someone better than her. I said that i know that we may not be close or that she is not emotionally attached to me or love me but....then WW interrupted and say " i have emotional feelings for you."(CAN I SAY YEAAH!)

I asked her to share with me her thoughts...her reply was she couldn’t do that. she couldn’t talk about how she felt about me and OM....she cant do that.

I told her that i prefer her cutting me than someone else telling me the score.

later on she had a bath and then we had some torrid SF.....yeessss!!!!!

in the morning i got her ready (yesterday) and as she was going thru the gate she said..........i love you.

Can you spell shock in Japanese? to say i was stunned was an understatement. Mood swing?......still cautious.

Do you have ANY IDEA what it is to have that said to you and you haven’t heard that in over 6 months?

She called me twice from work and came home later....so can we say it together? OUT COMES MR.HYDE.

She was venomous about being exposed by my BIL about OM carrying DS from school to home during last term. stated that OM did this after DS was left at school from 3- almost 6 PM and i was at work so she called OM who helped out.

I said ."So you had OM pick up our son?"

OMG......she was an emotional nuke going off......”I told you about DS being left at school and all you are concerned about is OM picking him up?”

After the ranting and raving(2hours on her part only.me? i just reverse babble and keep an even tone)

she said that when i approached her yesterday about DS being picked up, she feared that i would have found out and now it is there in the open. Me thinks to self...........hmmmmm, she actually feared that i found out about OM picking up kids?....interesting.

anyway she said that she is tired of having this sh## thrown into her face. she knows it and she has to live with it.

I apologized to WW....yes i did.

Why you ask.....i should have said that, i understand she was in a situation and to her that was her best option, since neither of us were even close.......but in the future let ME TAKE CARE OF MY KID.I should have dealt with the issue from her perspective then deal with OM issue.

she eventually went to bed crying and shaking and i hugged her and rocked her to sleep.

In the morning she was feeling chest pains and a headache......guess from last night. Took care of her.

WW said that she had something planned special last night but it just got side tracked. (OK? still wanna know what she had planned)

We sang Christmas carols in the car coming down from the mountains.

left the cool foggy morning and burst into the brilliant sunshine kissing the soft green earth.

So me ....i don’t know what to think.

still plan A and love my family.

Any input appreciated.......

nuff luv.

Please my family ......pray for me…..Just time I guess.