Mimi just saw you post.

Will comment later.gotta pick up DS from school

NC man i don't know where to start:

INSERT HERE..PLAN A DOES WORK>>>>>JUST HAVE PATIENCE!!!

****see what i was telling you. It does work.


Right after the show she started to spew all sorta stuff out about how she is so messed up and she knows that i deserve to leave her and when i am ready to kick her out.

**** heard the same thing a few days ago


Over all way to go man, let the OM picking up your son thing go. She knows it was a bad idea and she has to live with that. My wife told me that her OM used her and I asked how. She said in a mean way "let it go, you know how." So I see that as her having to live with her bad choices. I don't want to drill it into her head, not now anyway.

Any input appreciated.......

***** Agian I'm with you here. Wife sees what a f up it was and wants to be with me, but now what???? NC, my wife talks to me very softly in almost a cowtow way. Its weird

M2L

Good to hear from you buddy

I can't wait until I get to the torrid SF part. How long after the first NC did that take? My prescription for ADs runs out next week, and I was hoping not to renew them, but I am going to be HORNY AS ******!

Yes I do. My W hasn't said ILY 2 me in 4 years now. Before d-day, there was an 8-yr gap.

If it doesn't mean anything, it does not mean anything.

It's hard 2 know what this means, really, but I wouldn't put a lot of stock in it. Be kind and grateful. Validate her when it's appropriate. You've both still got a ways 2 go here.

...and I'm surprised about the OM picking up your son. Here, that'd be illegal without your knowledge, I think.

Kids get kidnapped and murdered that way.

-ol' 2long

just picked up my son.

check in later.

Got his report card and lets just say it is NOT GOOD.....i never knew the effect this A could have even on my DS, it is pretty shi###.

I am talking a straight a studient to someone scoring 5%-46%

it makes me sick.

The teacher wants to meet with us and talk about it.WW is majorly depressed about this. Guess when is grades started falling.....yup u guessed it! in A land.

Teacher is saying that he is not connecting and that he is just not doing his work.

How do i fix this?

Maybe you need to get your son some IC to help him through this rough time.

How do i fix this?

you already know what to do. Your a good father!!!


NC, I have a question for you that Marsh asked me over on my thread. Do you feel like you can live without your wife?

M2L

Also, let your WW know that you aren't blaming her for this, but that it shows the importance of you two working on your marriage for the sake of your son. Maybe you can convince her to work more on counseling and MB principles. Take this and turn it into a positive.

Jim,
Way to go with your raise!!!!

Sorry NC - nothing here for you this time.

Jim,

You are one lucky man.......Great!!!!!!!

let us know how $$$ restaraunt work out...remember listen and repeat. good convo.

good luck man!

Yes Jim,

This worked very well with my wife. I would listen to her and then repeat some of it back to her. She fell all over the attn it gave her.

Try it tonight a little at a time.

NC, maybe we should talk with Jim on his thread, even I'm getting confused.

M2L

gotcha ....going there.

Mimi,

Now that our w are feeling like they do (guilty and sorry) how do we get them to fall in love again?

I am trying to meet all the EN I can right now. No LBs and trying to get the 15 hours a week. My wife has told me that she is now content at home and doesn't want the kids to be split up. She wanted me out of the house less than 4 weeks ago. This will be hard for her to face just how wrong she was. She told me today "I don't want to have to talk about this every day."

Part of me wants to show some of the true hurt and let her comfort me for a change, but I don't think she is ready for that yet.

My taker just got feed this past week and now he wants to pig out.

NC, is this the way you are right now? I'll wait till Monday from you buddy.

thanks
M2L

That is exactly how i am feeling buddy.

Mimi,LA,MM heck anyone......what do we do now?

SF last nite after watching some comedy and WW was in a light mood. even had several good convo. over the weekend.

So here is the glitch........WW had office party and came in late saturday. I was not aware that i didnt have my poker face on........you know, the neutral one.

So she came home told me in detail about the party and then lay in the couch beside me in my arms.

I got up made her tea and gave her a foot rub and sent her to bed.

The next morning i got DS ready for church and while doing so WW asked me how was i looking so last night.

I lied........pure and simple. I avoided the conflict.

I told her i wasnt feeling well from last week and probably was stressed out.
What i didnt tell her was that i thought she might have been with OM, and i dont trust her........even though i could account for her time. (i have friends who went to that party too)

So yes ......really some baby steps with SF in the mix (yeeaaa),

But where do M2L and myself go from here? Soon Jim will be bringing up the rear and might as well smooth it over from now.

Here is a question though.......Is it possible that after all this hard work, you can loose your dependence and "cant do without love for your spouse" feeling?

While SF i realize that, it was just a need being filled on my part......nothing more.

Still dont trust her.......even though i see her slowly testing the waters to see if i am genuine in my forgiveness.

am i evil for thinking this? the feeling that i deserve more?

2long,

I spoke to WW about pick up and the new job allowing me time to get our DS. So she got the point of me NOT wanting OM around for any reason.

How do you keep resentment out of your heart? I am looking at the wake of emotional mistrust and destruction created because of a "simple" A.

hurting me is one thing......but hurting my DS is totally another.

I will love my WW out of choice. nothing more.

Who knows? maybe my feelings will change later.

NC:

You avoided answering my question.

There is absolutely no getting around the need for a NC Letter and exposure to the OM's wife.

I don't think you will have a successful Recovery without these two things.

I don't think I'm helping you if I don't encourage you to first and foremost resolve these issues.

I would feel like I'm party to enabling your wife's likelihood of rekindling her A at any moment.....

Any contact with him WHATSOEVER..even briefly by phone... makes her a WW again and CEASES Recovery....

ETA: You know my thing about "WORDS"...it's ACTIONS that count..my H said "ILY" to me lots of time while he was still in contact with the OW..also we had SF during the time that he remained in contact...

I would not have reconciled with him without the NC Letter..in fact, prior to his last known contact with her, I HEARD HIM TELL HER..as I listened on the phone..that he would NEVER SEE OR TALK TO HER AGAIN because HE LOVED ME....

Check this out NC..I know you've probably read this before BUT....

The stick of Plan A


Exposing adultery where it matters most. Exposure that takes the form of a swift and sudden unexpected tsunami of truth.

Not appologizing for exposure or speaking the truth in a kind yet direct way.

Directly communicating the hurt and devastation that the affair has caused.

Not accepting blame for the infidel's choice to become adulterous.

Let the consequences of adultery and infidelity fall freely upon the heads of the adulterous.

Establishing boundaries that disallow the affair to effect children of the marriage, financal security of the marriage, and otherwise ruin innocent bystanders.

Standing up to infidelity as a beast that must be slayed for the good of the family.

NC,

I know how you feel. I had a bad weekend. I was feeling resentment over the fact my WW still refuses to work on the M after all she has done to me. First of all, my WW didn't get home from work on Friday until 10pm, so there was no dining out. My WW went to a wedding out of town by herself this weekend. Well, her sister and some mutual friends were there, so I could account for her time, but I couldn't help think that she would hook up with some guy in her hotel when she was drunk. She even admitted that one of the groom's friends was really drunk and tried hooking up with her. She thought he was a total sleezeball. I told her if she wore her ring or actually told the guy she was married she would have never had that problem. Meanwhile back at home, I went Christmas shopping at the mall and saw all these hot women hanging on their men, and thought to myself, heck I deserve that. I got my haircut, and the girl cutting my hair was flirting with me. I wanted to ask her what she was doing later that night, but I resisted. I went out clubbing with some friends from work, and I wanted some female interest. I talked with a few women, but nothing more. I wanted more, but I wanted my wife to give it to me, not some stranger. And I resented the fact that she wouldn't give it to me (and I'm not just talking about SF). Sunday was okay. I told her how I was feeling, how I had a bad weekend, and all she could do is muster up one hug. I guess that is more than I had been getting from her, but I wanted more. She and I were both tired from staying out late drinking the night before, so we just laid on the couch together watching some DVDs I rented. She still isn't planning on going with me to my parent's house on Christmas Eve, and everytime I bring up a vacation she tells me she doesn't want to talk about it.

So, I know how you feel. It is completely natural. You have been doing all this hard work to restore your marriage. Don't jeopardize it. Just ask M2L, it will pay off in the end. Keep your eyes on the prize. It is okay to share your feelings with your WW, just don't LB. You are perfectly human for feeling the way you are feeling. Afterall, it is just your taker acting up. He's been silenced for a long time, and he just wants to be heard again. My taker made an appearance this weekend as well. We'll get through this. Just think of the happy times you've had with your WW before, and how things will be even better than that in six months. That's what gets me through.

Yes mimi......guilty as charged.

I will talk to WW again about doing an NC.................

It never went well last time and it started some MAJOR LBing and AO on her part ..........i dont even know how to begin doing this again.

Mimi........like i said i tried not once or twice but at least 4 times..........

maybe i am just fooling my self. I dont want to step on the mine again.

can you understand?..........anyway you have never given me false advice before, so i am going to try again this week..........will let you know how it goes.

nuff luv.



Jim,

Please for God's sake......stay outa trouble.
you will make it.