I agree it does not solve any problems, but I guess I was just enjoying the attention--someone telling me I looked great and paid attention to me (and this was just all talking. I admit I did stop over at his house one night after work, but after that is when I got real confused and realized I did not want to throw away our marriage for what would most likely just be a fling--but I guess I was missing a bit of ego stroking and I feel so awful that I would even consider anything like this and it made me feel guilty and bad because then what does that mean I think of you?)

Also, I have always hoped you would be a bit more of a go-getter and more dominant in the relationship. When we first met, you needed to be taken care of and I think I did a pretty good job of that. Once we had established ourselves, I was looking for more of that from you. And I am not talking financial, you are very giving with the check card and I due truly appreciate that. I am looking for those instances when just for the heck of if you do something, even if it is silly. Like take your picture with Tigger and not be so standoffish about it, or when OD asks for Chinese, you actually take our orders and go get it!! Or if I'm craving a pumpkin shake, you'll go get me one, or make my lunch sometime or take YD out just for the heck of it and give me some free time alone, or let me sleep in on a weekend--I think you get the hint. But it's is not like I haven't asked for this before. I think you are a great husband and father--sometimes I almost cry when I see you and YD together at times, ever since I met you and the first time I saw you playing with your brother's kids when they were much younger, I always wanted to have kids with you because I never had a good experience with my first marriage, and I am just so glad and feel so blessed to have Natalie--I wish we could have had another one, but I guess too much time is going by.

I know you want me to be happy, and I know I am stubborn a lot, but the way to make me happy is not to let me have my way all the time (or to at least make me feel like I do) You don't have to be mean about it or anything, but I would like you to take charge sometimes. Not so much with the kids, you know how I feel about doing things for them, and I agree I do over do, but they are not going to be kids forever and will soon be going off on their own, so let's enjoy them while we can. I don't need much and am much more happy doing and getting things for others, which gives me a million times more joy than getting anything.

Communication for sure is they key, but it needs to be started on both ends and not just from mine, as it always seems to be. I want to get back to the closeness we once had, not just mentally but also physically. I truly enjoy our short trips together and would like to go on more dates, but I would like more of that to come from you--in one way I am still a bit old fashioned and I think the male should be doing more of that instigating of things like that, and in all honestly, we did not really have much of a dating period when we first met. I would like to get back on that track and get back to more physical closeness. I don't even know why we don't more often because it is always a wonderful experience. and actually I enjoy the quickies because it does not take me long and you think we can find a few minutes every now and then! One of my favorite times with you was when we went to that little cabin in Wisconsin and locked ourselves in the bedroom--I know neither of us can last that long anymore--but we need to experience more things like that, and talk about what we would like to do with our future, where to go, what to do with the house, what are our plans for retirement and all that sort of stuff.

I am sorry that I have even been thinking of cheating, but maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis or something. I just really want to work in this because I know we have had problems before, but things have just gotten out of hand and it has scared me to think what I may have done to destroy our relationship.

This person has been a friend of mine for years and I never considered anything till just recently and I figure that means we really need to work on getting this repaired. I do love you, you are a great person and I want to fall in love with you all over again.

My wife and I had a brief discussion last night. In her opinion there was nothing inappropriate about going over to this man’s house after work. She said the only thing inappropriate was the kiss he gave her as she left. She informed me this sort of thing happens all the time in her office. “Friends” as she calls them go to each others houses for lunch and after work all the time. She seems to find this as normal behavior.

"You never have done this before. There's a good reason why...look at what this led to!"

This cycle continued until the present when she finally consented to go over to “see his new house”. She went there and they drank a couple of beers and as she was leaving he kissed her. She said she left immediately, but that she was confused and she admitted she was tempted to sleep with him.

She refuses to tell me the man’s name and to send a NC letter. I told her this was absolutely essential to reassure me that she is committed to me. Her response was that it was immature and childish to send him a letter and that it would serve no purpose. She did tell me she told him not to contact her again and he sent her another e-mail and she did not respond to it. She absolutely refused in no uncertain terms to send him a letter that I approved. So now what?