My H and I dated for 3 yrs and then lived together for 9 mths until we were married. During that time we were very happy together. We cared for each other, wanted to spend time together, enjoyed each other’s company, felt all the things that “loving couples” feel. But when I said the words “I Do” some deep-seated change occurred in me. On that day the feeling of caring for him went. It’s like some switch turned on or a barrier went up in me to stop me from caring.
26 years later we’re still together but only just. In that time we’ve had 2 children (now 16 and 14), have been comfortably happy on the surface, have nice house, middle income, are a “normal” married couple. From what people see, anyone would think that we’re a happily married couple. But all these years I haven’t felt really close to him like I did before we were married – I’ve kept my distance emotionally, haven’t cared for or respected his feelings. In our day-to-day lives we’ve cruised along and every now and then I’ve done something to show up my underlying lack of caring and we’ve talked it through and I’ve tried to work out why and change things. 8 yrs ago I had an on and off again affair for 12 mths, taking H to the brink of a nervous breakdown. Since then we’ve been battling my problem of not caring. I need to know why the change before/after marriage and I need some things I can do to pull down the barrier that marriage put between H and I. We are both going to use Dr Harley’s basic concepts to help build the loving feelings again, but they won’t work with the barrier still there. I need to get rid of it. Can anyone help?
