I am a 44 yr. old SAHM (2 children). (married 9 yrs.) Started having an afair 2 months ago. He is also married with 4 children. we felt an immediate mutal attraction to each other. The physical attraction is overwhelming at times. I think about him often. We see each other whenever we can. the sex is intense and passionate, to say the least. Neither of us plan to leave our S. But at the same time, neither of us want to end our affair. We both feel guilty for our behaviors, but that hasn't stopped us from continuing.

I have been overwhelmed with guilt. I'm not proud of my behavior. But, he made me feel things that I thought had long since died in me, both physically and emotionally. I haven't had much of sex drive since my children were born, but I now realize that it's because I no longer feel that physical attraction toward my H. My sexual desire with the OM is unbelieveable! I can't get enough!

I know I should end it...........better sooner than later...........but I can't seem to bring myself to say goodbye to him! I have no one to talk to, as I'm fearful to share this info. with anyone for fear of getting caught. I could NEVER tell my husband about this, because I know he would never forgive me. I don't want to end my marriage, mostly because of our children.

Other women our there???................who have been in this situation...........I would love to talk to you and get your advise / feedback. what to do? how to cope and how to "end" it and deal with the sense of loss that I know I'll feel without the OM. Please help
the real "Deserate Housewife"

Dear DH
STOP NOW!!!
Nothing is worthwhat you are doing to yourself or to your DH or that family of yours . NOTHING! It will slowly eat you to death from the inside out. You must end this affair befor it goes any farther. If he really cared for you he wouldn't be doing this.
Restart the fires at home and keep them hot. Use your imagination and really heat things up. I've been where you are and when it all falls apart the added pain you've caused your family will far out weigh this temp. pleasure with your OM. Just end it now and let your H know what you are going thru together you can rebuild your love life.
I'm Doubledose, write to me again if you would like
FWW @ FBW

I have just joined this site for support in my own marriage. I just found out by accident that my husband has been unfaithfull to me. He never thought he would get caught. I am sure you may be thinking the same thing. Let me tell you what it feels like from the other side. There is nothing in this world that can disolve the tremendous pain, grief, shock, dissapointment, failure and insult I feel right now. If you have any respect, love or honor for your spouse than get your self into conseling to help you break it off with friend and learn how to improve your marriage. You will or should have to tell your husband and deal with the consequences but that is beter than destroying someone elses life for your pleasure. If you dont have any intentions to stay with your husband than divorce him now and stop leading him on.

Did you think about your family before you got involved in this? Wait, let me answer that…NO! If you did this would not be happening! This is not just about you and the OM. This involves your H and kids, OMs W and kids, your siblings and parents and anyone else who cares about you!

Neither of us plan to leave our S.

Really? Well you many not have that choice anymore. Should have thought of that before.

But, he made me feel things that I thought had long since died in me, both physically and emotionally.

Wow, maybe you should have looked inside instead of out!

I'm fearful to share this info. with anyone for fear of getting caught.

Exactly! Affairs are well hidden in dark places, born of lies and deception. The fear of getting caught is what gives you the rush. Once you shed light on this affair the excitment will be gone and can no longer thrive. Exposure IS the light! If you really want to end it, tell him before someone else does!

I know what I have just said is not easy to hear and probably sounds pretty mean. But what you are doing is WRONG! At least tell you H so HE has the CHOICE on how to proceed. He has that right. If the tables were turned and your H was the one cheating, what would you want him to do? Would you want him to be honest with you? Would you want to know so you could choose? Maybe you weren't thinking about the family before...you should think about them now.

MB
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Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.
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Desperate:

Welcome to MB. Disappointed by the circumstances that brought you here, but you are here. Even as the Wayward Spouse, (WS) there is a place for you here. You can rebuild the marriage (M) that you have with your Husband (H).

Just so you know, it can get harsh for WS on this site. But, we are working on saving marriages here, not affairs.

You are having a great time, with passion and excitement that no longer exist with your H. But, you lost a lot of desire when your children were born, and your H lost interest as well. But it can be rekindled. This site has the info to allow you to do it.

The first step. END THE AFFAIR. Nothing else matters until this happens.

Order His Needs, Her Needs (HNHN) from this Website, as well as Surviving An Affair (SAA) for your spouse. Do not wait to "find" it at the bookstore. They may or may not have them and then it takes to much time to look at another place.

I can help. I am not a Wayward Wife (WW), I am the Wayward Husband (WH) I have been there and done that. Nothing you are feeling is different and new from what happened to me. I thought the A was sooo different from what everyone may have experienced. The details are different, but the script is the same. I have learned much since discovery. The Formerly Wayward Wives (FWW) will come to your support if you stick around.

Imagine how you would feel if your husband was doing to you what you are doing to him? Does your husband really deserve this from you? It is a matter of time before this will all come up and both families with children will be destroyed and devastated. How very sad.

Um if you want support for continuing your affair you came to the wrong place. Gloryb is --> that way

I am a WS too. I got caught over a month ago. i can tell u that it is not worth the pain u put your family thru. Stop now. Its better to stop on your own than to get caught. If i could take it all back i would. I never thought my husband woulf forgive me but he did. At first he only knew that we had an affair but then he found out we had a PA. He had told me that if he ever found out that i had had sex with this guy it was over for good. Well he is in the recovery process now. He is still here which is wonderful. I hate myself for what i have done. PLEASE stop the affair. Take care of yourself. It is not worth hurting you family. Trust me. If u need me i am here for u.

Did anyone notice that DesperateHwife has not responded here?
Hmmmmmm <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

I've found it's only harsh on waywards who keep trying to justify and stay in the affair.

If you demonstrate that you really want to work on the marriage, and demonstrate that the energy and emotion that you are putting into the affair, you turn towards your husband and marriage, I suspect most, if not everyone here will be cheering for you.

I wanted to be my wife's greatest cheerleader.

She chose a man who would cheat on his own wife to be with her.

Personally, I think it was a bad choice. How do you trust someone who cheats on their spouse to be with you?

The feelings are fun, but also fickle, they will go away.

If you don't have a foundation of trust, it's impossible to build REAL intimacy.

Methinks she was just trying to plug the TV Show... LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

If you are lurking, come on back, Lots of support here!

Desperate wants to have her cake and eat it too.

Desperate,

Advice from a FWW:

You want your A because it is filling some of your needs but you don't want to divorce your H because he is filling others. You can have the relationship you want with your H. It is possible. Read the articles here and get the books.

But first, you have to discontinue any and all contact with the OM. It will hurt, you will have withdrawal (you are addicted to the feelings you have with him). But it is your only chance.

If you don't, sooner or later, it will all come out. You are putting off the inevitable and setting your H and children up for a world of hurt, the longer it goes, the worse it will be.

But in my opinion, I don't think you're going to take the advice you've been given. There's no easy way out. You are in deep fog. I'm afraid something drastic is going to have to occur for you to change your behavior.

But I could be wrong.

Desperate, put the shoe on the other foot, then let us know how it would make you feel finding out your H cheated on you. It is so wrong to what your doing along with the OM. My H cheated on me with a married woman, let me tell you, it's not a very good feeling when you find this out. Wake up, stop what your doing. Get out of the fog and be with only your H, not someone else's H.