After being told for the first time and really hearing it that my wife does not love me as a lover but more as a friend we decided to go to marriage counseling. A couple of days before that I called her mom and stepfather and told them everything that she was doing. Oh boy I realized after doing that it was a big mistake and she was pissed. So pissed that now we don't undress in fron of each other anymore, we don't take showers in front of each other anymore, we don't kiss goodby before I go to work anymore. We are civil to each other. We went to our first counseling session on Friday and I was thinking to myself "why did I not do this a long time ago?". It was so good and this lady was so insightful. My wife liked her as well but the big issue right now is that my wife is looking at the counseling session for a way for the counselor to change both of us for the better to move on to another relationship and I am looking at it to save our marriage and bring us closer together.

Can anybody out there give me some attestment to marriage counseling. That they were maybe in a worse situation they I describe above and conseling saved them because I am really hurting and trying to cope with the situation. I am devistated and have not really slept or eaten for several days.

duro- It depends on what you want. It looks like your wife is at cross purpose to you. Marriage counciling can do several things. It can clarify issues for the departing spouse to try and get the other to see it is over or it can make the marriage stronger if that is what the parties want. She may have a lover. Who knows? This is sad esp. for the spouse that wants to keep the marriage intact but that spouse is unable to see that the other is done and that spouse can't see it because their own needs are in the way. How long you been married? Kids? I have been through this. It will get better. I have been at that stage not eating not sleeping etc. It does get better. You know in the final analysis we are all alone whether we are happily married and surronded by 12 kids or are totally alone when we leave this earth. All marriages end one way or another. Good luck to you. Duro- Just back off and live you life as best you can. johoman

duro,

My friend it appears that you are in a lot more complicated situation then just needing counseling. Your wife's statements are exactly out of the book of adulterous spouses. Counseling is almost always useless when one person is in the throes of a hetero or homosexual extramarital affair.

Copy and paste ALL your posts over in the General Questions II section., We have a lot of very experienced people that can help you.

Best of luck

Counseling with the Harleys did not work for us. But the Harleys have saved many marriages. My ex didn't want to do the things that the Harleys suggested. If both people want to work on the marriage and go to counseling together...the chances are that the marriage will work.

We counseled before with another counselor locally. I didn't like the counselor...but my husband did. The counselor didn't take notes. He didn't write things down. When we would come into our next session...he would ask us what we would like to talk about. Duh!!!! I discussed this with my husband...and he wanted to continue...for his emotional need of conversation was being fulfilled. I am an intelligent woman...but what he talked about with the counselor I was not able to fulfill.

Good luck. Pray and leave it up to the Lord.

Lovinhim- It sounds like duro's marrriage is done. When one peson makes up thier mind to end it there is not much anybody can do to reverse it. The the spouse being left it would be healthly to heal as fast as possible and re-establish another relationship. johoman

To answer the question in your title, Yes, marriage counseling can work great. It helped my marriage when things were going bad early on. One key to counseling is both husband and wife must want the counseling to work. We tried counseling a couple different times early on in our marriage and the first time did us no good because my husband was not committed to the counseling. Once we both got on the same page it worked wonders for us.

Here to- Your'e right if both spouses are on the same page then MC can do wonders. If one wants out the other wants the status quo then MC help the status quo seeker adjust to the new reality. This is a disposable world we are in. johoman

johoman - I agree 100%.