Hi, New here
I found out two months ago that my husband was cheating (emotionally, I think that this is worse than physically for us at the stage we are at) on me, with one of his coworkers.
I found out because I use his email here and there when mine is acting up. One day, there was an email from her and the next it was gone. he is a pack rat. he keeps everything, even emails. So I looked though all his folders and found over 20 emails from her all ending with "sweet dreams of us."
He drove her to and from work when they worked together and apparently, after he dropped her off, they would hang out together. Especially on the nights that I was working. I work in retail, so I work a lot of nights. All their time together was planned around my schedule.
I had asked him about this numberous times and he kept saying, "nothing is going on, I'm just driving her to and from work." Up until a week ago, he was still driving her to work, much against my wishes. So knowing how I felt,he drove her and I filed for divorce. He is not driving her anymore. And he has blocked her email address.
This coming weekend we will have been married for 11 months. It has been a very rough 11 months, and his cheating was the last straw for me. I just don't know if I love him anymore or if I even want to be with him.
So, that is my story in a nutshell

Sorry you had to find us. But it is a great place to be. I hope you read all of the stuff here to help your marriage be better.

Other than the cheating, what kind of husband has he been?

FP,
I thought it was a typo...11 months. Not long at all. My marriage was at 11 years when he decided that the grass was greener and had two PA's. I am so sorry that you are here. I am sorry that you are only at 11 months of marriage and they have pretty much been difficult all the way around. There is nothing worse than when your spouse decides that it's OK to work around your work schedule to shmooz with a "friend" who happens to be the opposite sex (and everything that you are NOT!!!) Sorry...A little personal crap coming through.

Anyway, first thing I would recommend is printing off the EN (emotional needs) questionnaires found on a link at the top of the page. This will give you good insight into what is important to one another. Your H obviously has some needs that aren't being met. And your H obviously needs to commit to making the marriage work. Read! Read! Read all the information you can about surviving an affair, which can be found in Dr. Harvey's books and on this website. This website was a God-send when it came to my survival and our recovery. I realized that everything that I was feeling was normal. I learned that the A (whether EA or PA) had NOTHING to do with me. My H and I have FINALLY learned to communicate. After 12 years, that says a lot. You are still at the beginning stages of your marriage. That's rough. Just know that you are not alone. We are here to help you through.Unfortunate that there are so many of us, yet very fortunate that we can pull together to help one another.

Remain strong. Remain positive. And pray that God will help you through this awful situation. Take care.

SS

Believer, no, that wasn't a typo, and I wish it was.
Our marriage has been rocky since the beginning. My brother got engaged at our wedding, which I thought was great. But his finacee wants all their friends to be in their wedding. I made my feelings known on that, but my H stood up for her. he was in the same situation a year before we were married with his brother and I talked my head to everyone in his family. Soon after that, his mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. I was there for him, as much as I didn't want to be. And about a month after that, my family dog past away. On top of all this, I developed on ovian cyst and started having monthly troubles (again) and then we were in a car accident in april. So, he was out of work, his second for a couple of months. But when he started back there, that's when his little friendship started.
he hasn't been the greatest. I haven't been happy at all. He is not supportive and by him not supportive, it drove me away, which he says drove him to her. I told him that was his chose, not mine. So yes, very bad year.
Thank you for the support and the answers. Right now I feel like I have the cat and that's it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

FP55,
Is God amazing or what???? I hadn't saved your post so that I could refer back to it. I am kind of down today and got on the MB website....I was going through "active topics" and voila...here we are. FP, it really sounds as if you need help. Right now you may have the cat, but you definitely have God. There have been many times through all of this that I cried and prayed that God would help me through. Numerous times I felt Jesus' loving arms around me, comforting me. He can help you, too.

You are right. Your H CHOSE to be with the OW. Nothing you did made him choose the A. While there may have been rocky points in your M, that was no excuse. You and your H both need to be committed to your M or it will never work. Read everything on the MBs website...(links at top of page). The ENs (emotional needs) questionnaire was a great starting point for us. It helped us to understand one another. It helped us to communicate. Then start on the rough road of recovery.

FP, this will NOT be easy. This is a rough road before you. In your marriage (without As) you have ups and downs. At first the ups will be anthills and the downs will be craters. But you can overcome, if you want to. You have to want it. You have to decide whether your M is worth saving.

I applaud you for coming to this website. It has been a God-send for me. I am hopeful that I can help someone through my survival of the experience. They say your M can be better than it was before the A. I am not there yet. I still live with the fears, images, and doubts. But the pain isn't as intense as it was eight months ago on D-Day.

Fill me in on information....how did you meet....how long were you together....etc. etc. Take care of yourself. Talk to you via this website soon (I hope).

SS

Soulsurvivor,
We met through online dating. We were together for about 2 1/2 years before we got married, during that we had a long engagement. When he proposed, we had been together for about ten months. We knew it was something that we wanted, but we knew that finacinally we weren't ready and that our relationship wasn't ready yet either. So we set a date a year and a half later. Which was good. I was working so many hours (I was the one with two jobs for 3 years) and I was (am) going to school, as well as planning a destination wedding (in Palm beach, FL), so that time was good.
I understand what you are saying about the craters. I told our marriage counselor something to that effect last night. His response was that to me it might seem little, but to H it seems huge. I told him that it seems that we take 1/2 a step forward and five steps backwards.
I'll try to check out the questionnaire, but I have done a few others, not on this site, on a psychology site, when I doing some research for a paper and the results were not promising. I have been asked by a few people in my life if I love H and what made me love in the first place, and all the things that I loved about him are gone. His A took all those things away and took away whatever shread of love I had left for him.
Thanks for listening. I feel like I'm whining and wallowing, as my mom would say, but it's not easy to get over.
Maybe at another time in my life I would take your suggestion about God, but I'm not too happy with Him right now. I had a tough life before this. tough experiences, I guess is the right way to put it and to put it in my mom's words " you're to young for all this stuff to be happening to you." I understand that some people get it the good end of it and some people get the bad experiences, and it makes us stronger, builds our personality, but sometimes, I feel like, Why me? Haven't I had enough? Can't I just have smooth sailing from now on? I guess not. That's life though. So, that's why I am mad at HIm.
Again, thanks for listening:)

HI FP55,

I’m really sorry you have to be here. It sucks. And I wish I had great advice, but I don’t. I’m still going through the dark days myself. What I do want to tell you though, is that it is OK to be angry. You believe in God – that’s great. You don’t want much to do with Him right now because you’ve been through some pretty awful things. That’s OK. Though this might sound like flowery cr%p…God loves you so incredibly much – He formed you in your Mother’s womb, He designed every part of you – you were not a mistake. He sees every tear that falls from your eyes – He has even collected each one ‘Psalm 56:8 – You have stored my tears in your bottle and counted each one of them’. You are precious to Him, though you might not feel it. You matter to Him, though you might not believe it. Could I encourage you to view this: http://www.fathersloveletter.com/fllpreviewlarge.html

It’s ok to tell God you’re angry with Him. Just start there.

Keep talking on this site, there are so many people that will help you through and will give you great advice.

HI FP55
I have to agree with the other posters on the topic. God has been my last bit of hold and faith that is getting me thru my "dark days". A few days ago I have a break down. Crying for my youngest son (my other two boys live with me) finding myself on the floor in tears. Begging God for help.I got my father's bible and throw it the floor, yelling "show me what you want me to read" I started reading a psalm through my tears. It lift my spirt and soul. Helping me to get over my depression. It was like God was taking away my pain and telling me that it will be alright! God can be a great source of strength and encouragement. Please give God a chance, you may find something you didn't see before. I hope and pray that you and your H can work this out.

lucyloo
Thanks for you web link!

Thank you everyone for your belief. As you all know, some days are better than others. But sometimes I wonder how everyone on here can believe in God so much. I think it's great, but I never had a big belief in Him before and now, I don't know, now I am just very angry. I guess I should try, has anyone found that He has helped you?
Today, before, I go to work, i am finally going to go through all the questionarries on this site and answer them. But some days, I even wonder if I will make it to work. I think right now, that work is my sanity.