S&C
I would love to be able to do those things but at this time she doesn't even want me around her. She has a wall up and i can't seem to crack it. She is getting her EN met by this OM and will not let me in on anything. The only thing she wants from me is money.

I had a decent conversation with WW on Saturday and even got her thinking about us. Then on Sunday it was like Dr. Jeckell & Mr. Hyde. She was conveinced she was done again. I think everytime she gets around OM she turns into this other person. When she isn't around him for a day or 2 she starts coming back to reality. The whold thing now is he is telling her that my parents hater her and don't want her to come back to me. I told her again that I was committed to her and my marriage and bent on getting it restored. She said she had no desire to get back with my family. I said what does my family have to do with me.

She also told me that I wasn't capable of doing what it took to make her come home. She said I just don't have it in me and I never will. I told her God was preparing me to do just that but I didn't understand what I don't do that he does so well.

This whole thing is about my family and not about us. He is using her to make life miserable on me and my family and she can't see that. He is trying to get back at them for what went on between him and my parents years ago.

The devil has been throwing stones for about 5 yrs and now has thrown and boulder. My God is bigger than Satan and he will take care of him. In the meantime, my WW is getting farther and farther away from me. She looks sick and not happy but her will is so strong she will not back off. God created her and can break her. I will quit rambling now but if anyone has any suggestions let me know. I am out of options and have just turned it over to God and I am getting out of the way.

HB,

Getting out of the way right now might not be such a good idea. I'll tell you why. SHe's saying that she doesn't believe you will ever change. If you stick to a good Plan A while you're around her, she will see those changes & start to believe that you are changing. If you Plan B at this point, you just might prove her right.


This just reminded me how important NC is after an A. Your W's not there yet, but once there, you can see how it's so important. That's when "reality" sets in.

How can I effectively do a plan B while I have children?

Here is a note I wrote and sent to her last Tuesday...
"I’ve been through some very tough moments since you decided to leave, as you know. My love for you is so profound that I just couldn’t face the possibility of life without you. To a person like me, who expected to marry only once and to remain committed for life, it is a severe shock to see our relationship begin to unravel. Nevertheless, I have done some intense soul-searching, and I now realize that I have been attempting to hold you against your will. That simply can’t be done. As I reflect on our courtship and early years together, I’m reminded that you married me of your own free choice. I did not blackmail you or twist your arm or offer you a bribe. It was a decision you made without pressure from me. Now you say you want out of the marriage, and obviously, I have to let you go. I’m aware that I can no more force you to stay today than I could have made you marry me in March of 1992. You are free to go. If you never call me again, then I will accept your decision. I admit that this entire experience has been painful, but I’m going to make it. The Lord has been with me thus far and He’ll go with me in the future. You and I had some wonderful times together. You were my first and only real love and I’ll never forget the memories that we shared. I will pray for you and trust that God will guide you in the years ahead."

I have only talked with her about twice since I sent this to her and it was like I had just released her to do whatever she pleases. She is staying with him nightly and it is tearing me up inside. Let me explain that, My wife and I met in high school and we have never been apart since. She has only been "involved" with me and I have only been with her. We saved ourselves for each other and now that bond has been broken and I am torn up inside. I know God can heal all things but this is something that we held with each other and now she has broken that trust and bond and acts like it doesn't bother her one bit. Her daughter was her life. We tried for several years to have a baby on our own and then after 7 years of marriage we adopted my precious daughter at birth(1 hr after she was born). She is now 8. I just don't understand how all this can happen and she not care.

Please advise on what I should do about this. Thanks

Thought I would give an update. Basically I am still hoping and praying. God answered a prayer on Wednesday when he allowed us to meet face to face and talk for over an hour. Although I did not get any hope, I feel that God removed a block from the wall she has built. Then she up and left on Thursday for a weekend trip with OM. Back at square one. I did contact the OM W last night and there are a lot of lies going on and he even asked his wife to come home. She told him NC and they needed to date and build trust and he was not willing to NC. My W was not up for that either. He has been lying to her and she has been lying to him but they still seem to want to be together even though there are 5 kids and 2 hurt spouses that have all begged for each of them to come home.

I asked God to reveal to me his plans for me this morning and show me whether my WW was part of the plans. Although he has not completely shown that to me yet, He did show me that I need to put him first in my life and be obediant to him. That is my commitment to him now because I know he has plans for me. Jer. 29:11

Any suggestions from anyone?

Alot of things have happened since my last update. Everything that has happened has been bad. But last night she called me and she was broken and fragile. I went over and LISTENED for about a hour. She cried and was visibly in depression. She looked at me and said "I will try to find feelings for you again if you will let me" I Can't describe how that made me feel but I give all the glory to GOD. He did this for me and I will thank him daily for this. Now I need to move to recovery and try to help MY WIFE! See ya at the next thread.

Well I thought I would be moving to recovery but I have no idea what is going on in her head. She is now saying that there are no feelings and don't think there ever will be. In the book Surviving an affair Harley speaks of withdrawals. I wonders if this is where she is or if her and the OM decided to lay low through the holidays and then pick back up. I don't know and looking for help because I am so CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

((((( paranoid HB )))))

I just read through your thread. Sadly to say, I have not been reading the Prayer Request forum for a number of months now, mainly because of frustration from past attempts to have a conversation with people who posted a request and then never even acknowledged that they had read any responses. So please accept my apology for the lateness of responding to your need.

I will respond on the Recovery thread, as I tend to "hang out" there the most. But I do feel as though I need to ask you one question before proceeding too far.

Is your wife a born again Christian? I have read enough about your to know that you are, but nothing about your wife and what her relationship with Christ was prior to the affair.

Lastly, on this thread, let me state categorically, that if your wife IS a believer, she WILL return to your marriage. The details of what you will be facing I'll leave to the Recovery forum thread. All that will remain, and believe me when I say this, will be YOUR ability to truly forgive her and to rebuild a marriage with God's help that brings honor and glory to God. The road is long, but it is worth it, for we live in the "here and now," not the past.

God bless.

She professes to be born again. But many claim to know him yet continue to walk in darkness. Only God and her know if she is saved

Okay, forgive me for being "blunt," but you attempted to evade my question. I'm not one for "playing games" much, as others who know me can attest. So let me ask the question again...


In YOUR opinion, knowing your wife better than anyone else, her childhood, her family, her previous conduct, her previous testimony, her life with you prior to the adultery.....IS your wife "born again" and now backslidden or was she NEVER truly saved.?

If I offend you, I apologize. But no more "equivocating" on the most crucial issue concerning your wife, okay?

God bless.

I beleive she is saved and backslidden. She even made the statement that in a couple years she will ask for forgiveness and everything will be ok. That is why I question her salvation.

Okay, thanks for the information!

I have to take my parents to the airport now, so I'll not be able to respond more until later.

Hang in there, it WILL get better.

God bless.