I know that my husband in the past called the other woman on his way to work to "tell her to have a good day"-at least thats what he said he said ( he would leave messages on her voice mail) I would love to maybe purchase a digital voice recorder to really hear what he has to say-any advice on this and any other snooping advice Thanks!

I got a digital voice recorder and it worked well. I purchased mine from circuit city. It cost $100, but that was 1 1/2 years ago. I'm sure the price has gone down. You'll need a bunch of batteries and you'll need to put it somewhere that he won't see, but is not drowned out by the car's engine noise. Think it through, find the best place and then go for it.Good luck.

Click here------> SPYING 101

~ Marsh

I was tempted to do this myself but never did.

I recommend a few things. Get a keylogger for your computer. You can find free ones on the internet. You'll have to configure or disable your anti-virus and firewall. You'll get his passwords for his e-mail or any other site he uses. You'll also be able to see where he goes to surf such as myspace.

This is how I found out about my ex. She would never have told me otherwise.

Also, you might be able to access his cell phone records if you have a family plan. Family plans list both bills online and both account activities.

Here is, however, the greatest piece of advice I can give you. If you discover something major, DONT tell him anything until you've gathered enough evidence.

There's two reasons for this. If you gather evidence it will be indesputable. Also, if you will be able to track and monitor.

Finally, you can get quite a bit together to use against him in court if you have to resort to that. I didn't do this against my ex. I tipped my hat the first night I found out about the infidelity. She changed her passwords and I couldn't get into her site again. I would have been able to gather tons of e-mail exchanges to use against her in court to show how irresponsible she was in leaving our children with a sitter to go commit adultery.

I have a friend who didn't tell her H for 3 weeks and gathered evidence the whole time. She has text messages, pictures of him with other women taken by friends of hers who followed him out, countless inappropriate e-mails, pics of him drunk, evidence of him drinking while he was supposed to be watching his son, pictures of pot in his office.

Don't get me wrong. Your emotions will be so strong you'll want to confront. Don't! Don't let the emotions control you because you'll just lose out in the end.

Good luck and I'm sorry you're going through this. A WS is horrible to live with.

In regards to recording husbands conversations in his truck-I have had seceral people tell me not to do it-it is a horrible idea. They say that I am taking the control away from God and trying to find out things I should let Him reveal to me. One friend said that I may take the conversations in the wrong context-any thoughts on these comments??

Also-can the person in the vehicle hear the recorder stop and start? It relly scares me to think he would find out. Also any tips on which recorders are the best-if I do go ahead and do it.

Thanks

Hmmm....here's my thought about the "taking control from God" comments.

Perhaps God is causing you to have concerns so that you take this exact course of action?

My wife had an online EA about 2 years ago. And I was SERIOUSLY starting to suspect something was going on. I prayed to God to let me know if there was something truly going on that I needed to do something about. I got my sign...it was personal, but to me at least it was irrefutable.

How can you know what to do without knowing the truth about what's going on? Something has led you to have concern about this...so now you need to find out whether or not your concern is valid.

As far as snooping....it is your right as a spouse to snoop. I realized with signs and symptoms that something was going on. I denied it at first...saying my marriage of 25 years to this man...he can't be having an affair. I read about affairs, heard about affairs, and refused to accept the affair. Until one day...I had had enough and decided to take action. I snooped, found the very explicit sexual emails they were sending to each other....phone calls...he even recorded him and her on a tape having oral sex over the phone. I hired a detective to spy on him...while he went to her state...and yep....they went to a hotel to have their biology lesson. I did'nt realize how much money he deposited in a safe deposit bank in her state with his & her name on it only.

You have all the rights to snoop. I too, held information back and gathered it all. Not all of it...for more came out later...amazing how much they can hide and not tell.

For if you bring the subject up early...they will be more careful. While they are in their euphoria and lust...they are soo... wrapped up in each other...they don't have their guard up.

Get the tape recorder in the truck. That is what I wished I had done...for evidence...for that is their safe spot.

Take care...sorry about all the pain you will face...you will get beyond it in due time. Just will take years to get through it...get through the deep pain...and get on with your life.

Blessings.

The thing is he has already admitted the EA-I know he is still calling her and I dont know if it is for work purposes or what. I look at his cell phone but it only shows the last 10 calls made. I will recieve the bill but it will be about a month until it comes. It did show he made a call to her yesterday for 3 minutes-I would like to know if it was regarding the house or is he telling her he loves her and wants to be with her... Knowing that info would help me to know what step to take but planting the recorder scares me too.

jrobin,
I know what you mean about being scared about planting the recorder. I remember I did it while H was in the shower. I was really nervous. I taped it under the passenger seat, making sure that the tape wasn't over the microphone. He has a truck which is loud anyway, so it picked up other noise, but it did allow me to hear the "jist" of their conversation. I took it out the next day. I really wish that I had done it sooner.

I remember thinking to myself that I never heard H talk to OW on the phone (I had always heard his other friends' conversations). Have you ever heard your H talk to OW on the phone or are their conversations always private? That should tell you something. Does he always walk into another room, etc? If so, it's time to check it out.

The digital recorder is silent. Buy it, play with it awhile until you are comfortable with its functions.

You have a right to know.

As far as taking things out of context...I don't think so. If you were sitting right next to him would you take the conversation out of context? Either they're talking about the house or A babble. I don't think there will be anything in between. You'll figure it out.