Please pray for my wife. She has been involved in a A for nearly 3 mts now and showing no sign of letting up. I ordered the book Surviving an Affair today but I really have a burden for her salvation and heart. I pray a hedge of Thorns around her hourly almost. God has given me a forgiving heart right now and My 7 yr old daughter and myself so want to put our family back together. Please pray for her.

(((((paranoidHB))))))

Just so you know someone has read your post and will pray for you and your family.

If it might help, please read the "For Encouragement" link in my signature line.

God bless.

P, what kinds of things are you doing to bust up this affair and save your family? What actions have you taken thus far?

Please respond to Melodylane....

Prayer and supplication are wonderful tools. God hears the prayers of righteous man. But, in addition there are things you can be doing to better your chances of ending her "fantasy" affair, including exposure. Who knows about the A? Who can be told that can put pressure on ending it? (family, friends, co workers, the OM's wife/girl friend/parents, superiors, pastor, etc)

Read up about plan A and plan B if it becomes necessary. There are many wonderful people here who can help you if you listen. A lot of what they may tell you may run contrary to your emotions and instincts, know that.

Also, just in case, and I know you don't want to think about things not working out but need to, start documenting everything, get proof of the affair, find out who the other person is, background, history, "dirt", etc, spend all the time you can protecting your child from your WW (not your wife, the wayward wife) and be prepared to protect yourself financially and for custody rights in case things don't work out. But, you sound as if you are a long way from that but its never to early to be prepared.

Everyone knows and they really aren't shy about it. Her whole family knows as well as mine, the church we go to and just about everybody. But it doesn't seem to stop her no matter what is said to her. 2 families are being torn apart here and she doesn't seem to care.It makes her happy! She keeps saying they kids will be fine. That is what he is telling her because he has already left 2 wives and 3 children. Is there anything more I can do besides trust that God WILL work this out.

Who KNOWS about her affair and who told them what? Has your pastor been told? Who is this OM? Is he married?

Are you seperated? Are the kids with you? Have they been exposed to her affair partner?

Can you please give us some background?

Everyone knows. She told them and I told some when I found out. her parents and sib's, the pastor and staff and many more in the church, my family and my daughter whom she took with him and his daughter skating together. She is not shy about it. We have been separated since August. The other man is my ex bother in law who has one kid by my sister and 2 more from his wife now. who he has left. Anything else you need to know other than this is a terrible situation that these kids are being put in and the rest of the families. My D(7) asked me if her cousin was going to be her sister. She now don't even want to see her.

So the family members and your pastor all condone this affair? I find that just amazing. Have you spoken to them YOURSELF to ensure they have the TRUE STORY? What church do you go to where the pastor condones adultery? Do none of these people know right from wrong?

Have you spoken to the OM's wife? What does she say about all this?

P, why are you allowing your children to be exposed to this affair?

Are you seperated? Did your wife move out?

ML,

Don't mean to jump in here, but I don't think anyone's condoning the A. He stated in his post above:


I think people are trying to talk her out of it, but she's not listening. That's how I took that statement anyway. Sorry if I got it wrong.

ST, I am not getting that there is much resistence here at all, which is why I am trying to flesh out his incomplete story.

Gotcha Mel. Carry on! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

She is met everyday with resistance. From phones calls to her family members rebuking her. Her Mom even got physical with her. She has turned a deaf ear to everyone. She will not listen to reason. My D even told her that she didn't want to stay with her ever again because of the A and she said I sorry this had to happen. and yes she moved out

She's deep in the fog if even the impact it's having with her relationship with her daughter isn't making a difference. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I hope you are going through all of the articles on this site for help in dealing with this situation. I'm a FWW, and when my situation go to the point that it was going to affect my children, that was like a light switch, it made me realize what I was doing, and that was the beginning of the fog lift. It wasn't smooth sailing, but it certainly opened my eyes to my irrational, selfish behavior.

I hope she can see this OM for who he is very soon...

Thanks for the clarfication, P. Are you in Plan A now? Do you know about Plan A and Plan B? What have you read so far about Marriage Builders?

Has the OM's family been informed that he is carrying on with a married woman? Any exposure opportunities there? What does he do for a living?

Nothing seems to be opening her eyes at this point. She is "in love" as she says it. I never said the things he says to her. She has a history of depression and I have to beleive she is running from this once more trying to find a happy place. I told her happiness is only found through God. she says don't preach to me. As far as the daughter is concerned, since all this started she has stay with me for 49 days and has spent 11 days with her Mom. She stays home almost every night because she doesn't like to listen to her mom talk to him on the phone at night. She is only 7. Her mom trys to blame it all on me but I am at home praying for her and our daughter sees that.

I'll tell you now, HB ('cuz I hate to call you paranoid!). Talking to her about God right now will fall on deaf ears. She is not ready to hear about it.

She definatly don't want to hear about God

Did she have a good relationship w/God before all this started?

Yes pretty good. She was raised in a very strict Baptist Church.

Okay HB.. I am going to be the more direct one here.

This woman is so lost I am not sure that she can be recovered. I know one thing that will not get her back is enabling her affair, doting on her, telling her you love her and so on. ******, she doesn't even care what her own daughter thinks of her or the possiblily that by choosing this lying (I bet you money this is not his first affair) piece of crap that she barely knows could cost her "everything". I just love being in love, I like the way it feels, he makes me feel special (and the others b4 you) and so on is all she can think of. The hormones, endorphins, chemicals are on overdrive and I love how I feel so this must be love and must be meant to be. Damn the torpedos, full speed ahead with my affair and its devestation.

Do a search on a user named "Hiker". He has a thread on Romantic Affairs. This sounds much like what your WW is into now. Women in these type of affairs will give up everything to be with the OM, kids, careers, friends, family only to find out later that it was no different than any other relationship and that it was the fantasy that made it feel the way it did and that they have given everything for something that no longer exists. My EX WW is in this same boat and is on the path to total destruction and I'll be damned if I let her take our 21 mo. old son with her (I won custody by the way). I say this to say that you need to be doing whatever is necessary to protect you, your finances, your home, your child from the wayward wife bent on self destruction. Do it quickly and if by God's grace she happens to turn around then praise him for it.