My wife and I are christians , and because of that fact I have stuck in a bad marriage for over 8 years (we've been married 17). But truly when can a christian finally give up and move on. I've tried to help our marriage but my wife has an apparently different path she wants us to take and she doesn't seem to respond to me. As I stated earlier I have been trying for at least 8 years but this is a bad marriage , I'm miserable, having to take meds for hypertension and also a anti depressent. So truthfully when can I give up?

How 'bad' is your marriage, and did you speak to your wife openly how you are feeling about your M? Does she have the good understanding of your feeling and issues?

Welcome to MB paintdoctor.

I'm sorry things in your marriage aren't going well.If you're looking for someone to tell you when to walk out then it's not going to happen.No one can answer that for you.Have you taken some time to review the concepts on this site? As a general "rule of thumb", you have to earn your way out of a marriage.Have you done all you can to save your marriage? Have you sought professional help?

From a christian standpoint,other's should be by to address that hopefully.

You said that you have been married for 17 years,8 of those being bad.What were the good parts of the other years? Do you think you can try to regain that now?

When I wrote that post I was really having a hard time with a bad marriage. Now although the marriage is still far from what I would hope for I realize as a christian that walking out of marriage would be the wrong thing. I'm terribly unhappy but I really think that as the leader of the house that also means I have to "serve". And sometimes that may not be in happy circumstances. But all I can do is hope that through serving my wife that some things will change and give me some reasons to love and chrish this marriage. I'm sorry that I posted in this section of the site because divorce would be the wrong thing to do..........

What are the things that are wrong in your marriage? You say that you are in a Christian marriage. Have either of you talked to a pastor or prayed about this? I know that alot of times we tend to take things into our own hands and only pray about it when we realise that we have really messed this up pretty good. LOL.

A book I would really reccomend you reading is Things Wives Wish Their Hubbands Knew by James Dobson. When I read it all I could think was boy, I sure wish that I could get my husband to read this. It seems that even if we try to tell our spouses something a thousand times, we assume that we already know what they are going to say and kind of tune them out like they are just nagging. And vice versa. Seriously listen the next time that you all have a conversation that what she is really saying and to if she is really listening to what you have to say.

We think that we know them so well that they could not possibly be going to say anything that we have not heard before. But when we hear it from someone else about their marriage or read it somewhere else, it seems easier to think to ourselves " Hey, I have heard that before." Maybe my spouse does have a point.

8 years is a really long time to be having a bad marriage. What changed from the first 9 years?

paintdoctor,

Don't worry about posting to this board.There are several other's here that address many issues.

If you like,there are a few men on another board who can really help with the Christian aspects of marriage.Even though they have dealt with a cheating wife,they have sound advice.

Seek out ForeverHers and Mortarman on the general questions board( GQII).They and other's may be able to guide you.

Good luck.

My husband, a Catholic, was unhappy for six weeks, met someone else, and dumped me like yesterday's trash after 16 very good years. We did everything together, laughed all the time, wrote love notes to each other to hide in our lunches, and constantly spoke of the future. However, he now seems to be sleeping just fine at night, I hear. When he first told me he was leaving I suggested he talk to his priest but he said, "He's just going to tell me what I don't want to hear." That was it. I had no idea during the six weeks that he was contemplating leaving the marriage, let alone unhappy. He never said a word to me, though he was a little distant. He told me he was just tired, or that work was bothering him. My point is, you can apparently make anything right with God. Oh, by the way, his mistress is also his first cousin. That's cool with God, too, according to WH. If even good, happy marriages can disintegrate that quickly and easily, why bother? I always assumed there'd be years of growing apart so I guess I missed the signs. How do you trust again? How do you make peace with a God that condones infidelity?

paintdoctor...don't give up here! You'll get alot of help from people on this site. I recommend the book RachelSue suggested too. And definately do as AmericanBeauty said. Put ForeverHers and Mortarman in your title and you'll catch their attention.

With God, all things are possible. You know that. He promises to show us the way...if we just keep asking.

Paint- You say that you and your wife are both Christains. Obviously you are both different kinds of "Christins". A lot of things hide under that title "Christians". What exactly are your complaints? What does your wife believe about your feelings? Why are you ready to hit the road? Is there mental health issues? We need much more info. Being a "Christian" is not a fact it is only an opinion. Johoman

Shandy--You post proves to me that people use religion for thier own purposes. I am religous but I am very private about it. After all people flew into the World Trade Center in the name of religion. How do you trust??? You trust by putting your right foot in front of your left foot and walk toward trusting again. What you experienced with your husband was not God's work but your husbands own work. By refusing to trust others your husband wins. It is like hating-it only hurts the hater. Should your husband have a change of heart and want to come back??: I don't know how I would handle that but I would not count on it as us guys have a lot of pride and would rather die than admit a mistake. The most important thing to to take care of your self and trust again!! Johoman

I appreciate each of you and your advice. I'm still encountering difficulty in my marriage , but to be honest I don't know if I'm at fault for a lot of our problems or its my wifes desire to be in control

Zip on over to the emotional needs board. There is always great advice there.