Well a little background....DH moved out of the house 2 1/2months ago saying he was miserable..he moved in with MIL..Iknew he had friends(female) that he talked to and well he was saying inappropriate things....Well his mom kicked him out and he moved home for a week...one night he lied and said he was going to help a guy friend fix his truck..he went out with this girl(mandi)...and was out late drinking with her(he's an alcoholic also)...Anyway he moved out to amotel closer to work(which is an hour and a half away now since he got transferred)...Well a week into the motel and she moves into the motel too adn now has a job in the same town..THEY ARE LIVING together.

Im not sure what phase I should be in. ive read plan A and plan B...but do i need to wait until the affair is over until I can start? Im doing bits/pieces of it now..what I can..The affair has been exposed to his family/my family and his friends....Right now Im guessing he is in the fog and thinks thats what he wants.

We have 2 dd's(age 3 1/2 and almost 2) and are expecting a baby boy in january. He pays me half of his paycheck each pay period. Im not sure if I should file separation papers or what? I LOVE him and want to work on things, but how can I if they are living together?

last night, I met dh at the local walmart for him to give me money..I had my sister in law with me, and he brought the girl.....Truthfully she is trashy looking and although Im overweight and pregnant..she is like 115lbs..but she looks unhealthily skinny(like on drugs)...DH is paying for everything..her meals, the motel, everything.....

Anyways so I guess my main thing is..What do I do first? At first when we talked I talked about our relationship and I was always crying/depressed..Now Im actually OK b/c I saw her and realized she is NOT better than me...I look better for one, and dh and I have the bond of 2,almost 3, children. Ive fixed a lot of stuff dh didnt like(love busters I guess) which were the house not being clean all the time(ive learned some organizational skills) and I am now working.

But one, how do I show him these changes if he isnt here, two, do i need to wait until their affair ends?(she also originally lived about an hour away from the motel they are living in now.....so she has removed herself from her family..so im worried they wont break up b/c of guilt b/c she moved there with him ya know?)....Do I just try to Plan A him as best as I can? When she was at walmart last night I didn't say anything about it and ignored her adn talked to DH as little as possible.....I think he did it for reaction b/c this morning he went to MIL to pick up clothes and he brought her also...he got no reaction either time.....

Anyways just my thoughts..its pretty long..so I hope someone will read it and give me some advice. Im so happy I found this site..its really helping me A LOT!

Katie, I wouldn't try Plan A with an alcoholic. He will just use that as an opportunity to exploit you. There really isn't much you can do until he does something about his drinking. His first love is alcohol and he will not be emotionally available for an intimate relationship until that is resolved. You would be much better off in Plan B.

Here is one of many articles about alcoholism written by Dr. Harley that might be helpful: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5048a_qa.html

You could also benefit greatly from Alanon.

Thanks Melodylane....What about when he quits alcohol? Im not there so I cant say if he is still drinking or not..I have no idea.. I agree I could really use Alanon I just havent gone..I guess I feel embarrassed?

My mom was also an alcoholic and committed suicide while on alcohol(2years ago), so I do not touch it b/c there is too much risk.

Katie, send him a Plan B letter and tell him to contact you when he stops drinking and has entered a program of recovery. That is how you will know.

So sorry about your mother. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />