We shall see. I have an IC session today.

We are really fighting a lot lately. She has done a lot of damage.

She may be seeing the light who knows.

Good luck to you. The brink of divorce works for a while but I am done threatening. She knows my deadline. After the holidays.

Hi NG,

I'm a FWW, and IMHO, SOMETHING'S UP!

Confronting your WW won't work unless you have proof.

OTOH, you don't want things getting out of hand w/ your neighbor and WW if its only just beginning.

You could have an "innocent chat" w/ the guy next door. Strike up a friendly conversation about someone you know whose wife had cheated on him, and how he exposed to the OM's wife, family, friends, church, and neighbors....tell him casually, that the OM's life is ruined and how sorry he is that he let himself get caught up in something he shouldn't have.

~ Marsh

Thanks for your input Marsh. My resolve is really hardening this afternoon. That comment from my daughter is haunting me right now too.

Yup, and especially your WW's reaction to it!

If she's NOT having an A, then she is thinking about it. It sounds as though she never let go of her WW thinking (WWT).

WWT is poison to any M. She's trying to make you question YOURSELF in order to either have an A, or have an A more often.

Don't let her snow you.

~ Marsh

Well, nothing turned up yesterday either. Last night was painful again. She's still got a wall up; she'll talk but no affection or intimacy. She actually started some R talk to me and sounded like she was warming up but the kids came around so we had to stop. Later it was more of the same. I asked her why she was doing this and she said she just needs time to figure out her feelings. I said it hurts when she treats me this way and she said she's sorry and that it hurts her too. I said if it hurts, then stop doing it and she said she can't just turn her feelings on and off like a lightswitch.

Sunday is going to be her "day off" to think. She says she's going to the library and to the mall. Monday is counselling.

Normal,

Go slow. Just because you are thinking the worst(understandably so) doesn't make it true.

You can't work from the presumption of innocence anymore but you also can't work from the presumption of guilt either.

You see something that is bothering you, again rightfully so, and you don't want it to go any further.

You can talk to the neighbor. Is he married? I know he has kids. Let him know about the time you spent in jail. Because a guy made a pass at your W. Say your FWW likes to flirt and get guys all interested and then when they make a pass at her she calls you because she loves to see you protect her honor. One time it got out of hand and the guy ended up in the hospital. Then say anyway what's your story. LOL.

Or just tell her you are very uncomfortable with the entire sitch. That's part of being open and honest.

Good luck but you can't let it kill you or the progress you might be making.

Neighbor is married, and he's in bad shape now because they had a death in the family. We watched their kids last night. I'm starting to think that was just a bunch of coincidences.

She's been in withdrawl for 2 weeks now. Date tonight (she didn't cancel our date); thats going to be tough but I'll do my best to have a good time.

Whats really bothering me is her withdrawl for the past 2 weeks. Maybe this suspiscion is just me trying to figure out a reason. Going by her word, she is trying to decide if she wants to be married.

I keep trying to reach out to her to change because I can feel this killing our marriage. If we keep doing this it will be completely dead. Silently, calmly, without fireworks, just killed. There is only so much rejection you can take; it makes me feel sick inside. She's nice and friendly when we talk but if you reach out or anything, she pulls away. She even worries about upsetting me, asks me what I think about decisions, etc. It seems like the ultimate "lets just be friends" situation.

Normal,

Are you going to IC as well?

You are at the six month it looks like and from what I understand most men can plan A for six months. You may need to recharge your battery a little.

Forget about her etc. I don't know if the 180 is good for you or not right now but what I will say is part of the 180 which is to take care of you is what you should be doing.

Maybe get a massage at a reputable place, or go his some golf balls, or go to an arcade. Just for you.

What is going on here will give you self worth issues if you are not careful. Don't let her make you think less of yourself.

Good luck. If she just wants to be friends tell her no thanks.

No I haven't tried IC. I had a lot of problems with self-esteem and confidence after the EAs but I feel ok now.

The radio program just talked about withdrawl and gave me a lot to think about. Seems I've been doing some of the wrong things to do when someone is in withdrawl... Good timing for that subject to come up! :-)

Normal,

Maybe that is the case with the withdrawl. You are not expected to be perfect in this thing. All you can do is try hard.

You know I was resistent to go to IC but our MC really wants us to go. It was a darn eye opener. I am thinking about updating my post when I can do it without writing a novel. You may want to go for a session or two.

How did you go about picking an IC? I have no clue where to start. Felt the same way about MCs so we ended up just using MB phone counselling.

Went through my insurance. Called a few. My MC uses the Imago therapy so I picked one that does that. Sounded like a nice guy so I tried him out.

Come to find out I liked him. Just because you go once if you don't like them find another. I just think I got lucky.

I looked into our insurance and apparently I have to be declared mentally unstable or insane or something in order for them to cover counselling!!! hehe. I'll look into it anyway.

Hi guy,
Just pick a counselor that your insurance covers. There are plenty of DSMIV diagnoses that can be used for us BSs. The counselor can take care of that. But of course, talk to them about your insurance concerns. You should not be stuck with the bill that your insurance can pick up. Of course, you probably have a maximum allowance. If your insurance is from Jan. to Jan., maybe you can get several sessions in for Nov and Dec of 2006 covered by your insurance and then get new coverage for the new year!
Lake

OH MY GOD!

Just listened to the recording from yesterday and W is getting a hotel on Sunday and meeting the neighbor. She told MIL all about it and yawned and laughed while doing it.

IT IS OVER!

She's at a hair appointment right now and I'm going to the neighbor NOW and then going to get her crap out of the house.

Talked to neighbor and get this; she had already hired a PI. She wants us to wait and catch them at the hotel.

NG, I haven't followed your story, but this sounds urgent. Please don't do anything that would jeopardise your situation re. your kids; ie don't attack the neighbour's H.

What does the neighbour know and how does she know it?

Can you keep yourself under control tonight so your wife feels 'safe'?

I'm fighting my emotions so hard right now. Neighbors wife says that if we catch them it could help with D. I don't know whats right but I can never trust her again so I have to think about the D. Evidence might help me. I don't know how I'm going to make it through tonight without letting it out.

Time to take the kids on a get away trip to the zoo - wrap yourself up in delighting them today - stay away from the house and away from her. Exhaust yourself - then take a stop at a health food store, get some melatonin and valarian root, make yourself a hot chocolate tonight, turn on the soft mediative tunes on your ipod and mellow out to sleep.

Think of MortarMan and his battle plan emotional mind-set.

We're stuck together today because her car is in the shop so she has to use mine. I'm going to suggest we go to a movie and try to have fun with the kids. I think I can do this for them. How cold blooded can she be... The past two weeks have been absolute torture. Just read how pathetic I've sounded. Time for some peace.

My poor kids.