Here is my story: I had an affair and fell madly in love with the OW. I even asked my wife for a divorce. My wife is very confused and hurt (I lied to her and told her I was not having an affair).<P>Last Wed. a friend told me I should check out this web site (www.marriagebuilders.com). I got the book "His Needs, Her Needs" on Thur. I read the whole thing in about 4 hours. I felt really stupid because it seemed as though Harley was writing about me in many cases.<P>I think the simple fact is that after 15+ years my wife and I were not meeting each others needs and we drifted apart. For the sake of our children (b 11, g 8), I think my wife and I need to give each other a chance to meet our needs.<P>I called the OW on Fri. and told her its over. The OW calls me Sat. and pulls me right back in.<P>I am really in love with the OW, she just hits all the right buttons every time.<P>Please I need help to get out of this mess.<BR>

In the book Surviving an Affair there is a chapter on ending an affair. Get a copy of this book. It will be a great help to you.

You've made a decision about your marriage. That is your conviction.<P>Now you need to act on that conviction regardless what the roller coaster of emotions brings. <P>You've decided that your marriage is more important, so you have to cut ties with anything that would hinder your efforts....namely the OW. You got to do that for yourself, your family and even for her. Her future is not your future. That is your decision.<P>I would also urge you to stop lying to your wife. If she does not know what she is dealing with, she will not be able to fight for her marriage effectively.<P>You two are a team, not opponents (which it may seem at times) but a team. She will be devastated, but she is already, isn't she? <P>I guarantee that this will be harder than you can imagine right now, but if you read these posts, you'll see that it can be done and you can go on the have a better marriage than ever...but only if you have both feet in your marriage.<P>Best of luck. You'll find much support as will your wife if you introduce her to this site.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Letter: I have been stupid. I realize that you are not worth losing my family for. I was weak and lonely. I'm sorry for my mistakes. Please do not contact me again as I will not contact you.<P>This was copied from a reponse I posted on another thread. It is what I would have my wife send the OM if it was up to me. It probably shows the hurt and anger these things can create.<P>If you are truly sincere then why even bother? Why not let her just fade away? It is possible, I just did it.<P>Friday i had a conversation with my OW from two years ago (unfortunately this is my daughter's mother and ex-girlfriend) I told her that we can not see each other anymore even in exchanging our daughter for visitation until we are both much stronger and more comfortable in our respective relationships. No matter if my wife and I reconcile or not (she left with OM) my relationship as it stood had to end with OW.

Surviving and Affair has a great letter in to send to OW if memory serves me.<P>And the no contact thing? Take the advise of everyone here and believe it!

You're doing the right thing by writing the letter.<P>Please don't give the OM any incling that you still love her. She will continue to pursue you if you don't give it to her straight...that you will never leave your wife for her.<P>Tell her you love your wife and children and that you made a big mistake by straying.