I am a newly wed. I have been going out with my husband for 6 years, and we finally got married a few months ago. For a while now my husband has been a marijuana user. Over time I have become less and less okay with it.
When I try to express this to my husband, he is full of excuses as to why he believes he want to keep using the substance. He also says that he will never stop, and he likes using it too much and that either I accept this or divorce him. I love my husband very much I just have a bad feeling about the substance being abused. Here are just a few reasons I don't like my husband smoking:
- We are just starting out and don't have a lot of money, and it is expensive
- I believe we should enjoy life in a more natural state of mind (without being impaired)
- My family never abused the substance, and I don't feel comfortable doing this in my adult life.
- I own my own business, which is connected to our apartment. I don't want my customers to smell it or find out he uses the substance. Or worst, I don't want them to think I abuse it.

I also don't like that I can't talk about this problem with my mother (who I tell everything to) because it might make her not like him anymore. What should I do about this? Am I wrong? Is marijuana wide spread and okay to the masses, and there for should be okay to me? Should I just get over it and let him have fun and smoke pot? Should I tell my mother so that I at least have someone to talk to it about?

OMG! Girl I've been fighting my husband about his marijuana use since we met. We've been married for 14 years now. He started when he was a teenager and is now 43. He quit once many years ago and it was the worse 2 months or so of my and his lives. I hated him. Hated him! He was nasty to me and the world. Became a caveman. Never smiled, always grouchy, slept all the time. I kept telling myself these things would go away and I did everything I could to help him. He refused any professional help. He couldn't stand it and tole me if he had to live without pot he'd rather be dead!

He says he's "normal" when smoking and that he's not hurting anyone. Tells me he has to smoke it to deal with me! (HA! the jerk!) I'm a hyper bubbly person and he's very quiet and asocial.

I don't know what to tell you. However, I will say this. If I had to do it all over again. I would NEVER had continued dating him. I didn't know it would be like this forever. But forever is what I said yes to when I said "I Do" to a pot smoker. Now, 14 years later I still regret it.

I may be way out of line saying this, but here goes:
If marihuana use is more important than his marriage, you may have bigger issues going on. If he was using before you got married, then I can see how he would be complaisant about it. It is better to deal with issues like that from the get-go. Good luck.

Hi,
Is your husband dependent on marijuana, or just an occasional user? I think you have very good reasons to ask him to quit smoking in your apt. and when with you. Would it be okay with you if he smoked occasionally?
I had a boyfriend a while back who was dependent, but it really didn't affect our relationship - he smoked after I went to bed at night. My current partner has a drinking problem, but smokes pot once in a while.
If you no longer smoke, it's possible that he will quit on his own, since he will find that you no longer relate to him when he's stoned, so it's not as much fun anymore. But if it seems like he is choosing to zone out on his own over being with you, then it's a problem. I am trying to set standards for what I will accept with my boyfriend - he seems to be accepting this, maybe because he sees that he his drunken behavior has hurt our relationship.
Good luck - do talk to your mom, unless you think that she will only be judgemental and not helpful.
Good luck!
J

Sounds like your hubby is self-medicating. If he can't seem to do w/o, he's got some issues(anxiety, ADHD, etc.)Why not suggest he see someone. If money's an issue, there's lots of free help available. I was married to an alcoholic(who is now my late husband)and I know what dependency looks like. If you love him, which sounds like you do or you wouldn't be on this site, tell him your concerns and ask why weed is so important to him. You didn't mention his backround but I'm guessing he's not happy with is life.
Self-medicating can be dangerous. Good luck.

I worked for a psychiatrist for a while and Marijuana can lead to mental issues such as depression later on in life if used regularly over a long period of time.

Hopefully he will grow out of it. My husband did ~ after 6 years.

I know how you feel. I just got married 4 months ago. He has always smoked weed VERY heavily since I have known him. I used to smoke with him. Problem is, I decided to grow up about 2 years ago and he hasn't. He always told me that he would quit if I asked him to and I left it at that. It never really bothered me until recently. So I decided to use my "wild card" and ask him. He got angry with me and ended the converation. Normally I would argue with him but I have decided to approach this in a different way. I have spent the entire morning online printing off the short term and long term effects of HEAVY pot smokers. We want to have kids and I know that marijuana has been linked to a low sperm count. It hasn't been proven, just linked. All this information I have is going to be neatly organized and pasted together with my thoughts here and there. He is leaving for Tennesse on Saturday for a fishing trip for four days. I am going to put it in his suitcase so he can find it when he gets there. That will give him four days in isolation and solitude to think about how I feel and how what he is doing does effect me. I just want him to know that I really care about our future and his health as well as my happiness. No more laziness, no more anti-social attitudes and no more drug-induced euphoria. Hopefully this gives him something to think about. [color:"pink"] [/color]