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I know..I know...
We're definitely GROWN- UP WOMEN, aren't we! Yeah, when I read your post I pictured you in a dark parking garage wearing a trench coat and carrying some 'secret' paperwork that we were to exchange. You gave me a good chuckle! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Yeah, when I read your post I pictured you in a dark parking garage wearing a trench coat and carrying some 'secret' paperwork that we were to exchange. You gave me a good chuckle! LOL..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Well, not exactly SECRET PAPERWORK but I do have a few catalogs and websites that I could tell you about!!! Well, to be specific, one catalog and one website.... OH, MY!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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and thankful that no one knows who I am.... Well...hate to bust your bubble....but I know who you are.... You're MIMI! Bwahahahahaha1 Gotcha yea! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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of buying some sort of a Rabbit!..... I know about the "RABBIT" thingy..in my catalog..but I wasn't THAT daring.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I think the rabbit would make me too 'easy' at this point (no SF for 4 mos--eegads) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />!
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Since you are talking about this GFs.... hoping that no one is listening very closely and thankful that no one knows who I am....You do know that there are ways to take care of the PHYSICAL aspect of this without a partner, right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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EDIT - Incident 2:
Well...got home on Friday night to find 'message' from WS with details re life insurance....
Now...I would have thought that a WS who is serious about OW....would go the other way....seeking a Dv...continue to cut ties...etc etc
I would appreciate any insights from FWSs....
Could feelings of guilt of WS be THAT bad...that he needs to make sure I will be 'financially' secure were he to die!?!?
Last edited by lunamare; 12/04/06 11:52 AM.
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I agree with Bob that your PLAN B is working.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! My Birthday is Monday.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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uhmmmm.....I wonder if Mimi read my last post of 12/02/06 Now...if my calculations serve me right....Mimi....your birthday will be on Monday...Dec 4th.... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIMI...!!!! (in advance)<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Actually, I met a couple when I was in CA....apparently they adopted the idea that they would celebrate the WHOLE month of the date of their birthday....I thought it was a terrific idea...may adopted it myself!!! What do you think of that idea, Mimi?
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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I'm for that, Luna...
Let's start TODAY....
Let's dedicate ourselves to being SUCCULENT WILD WOMEN..actually this is a book by SARK that Bramblerose recommended to me a long while ago..I just pulled it out..
SUCCULENT: ripe...JUICY...WHOLE...round...exuberant...Wild...rich...deep..firm...rare...FEMALE
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Luna I think your fog speak interpretation was not harsh at all. Spot on. As for the insurance ... who knows .. he least at all. Keeping you on the line? Thinking of you and the kids? Guilty ?? All of this and more at the same time? All I see is your plan B working and he does not like it. Mimi Happy Birthday too. My daughters birthday was today .. NOW I feel old. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
Life may feel as if you are constantly getting kicked on a daily basis, living is about picking yourself up each day and going on and on and on regardless.
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All I see is your plan B working and he does not like it. Thanks Aussieswife. Yes, I agree, WS does not like PLAN B... he would like to be 'talking to me'...for the boys' sake...of course he would!...I am sure 'sharing' about the boys with OW is not quite the same as 'sharing' with me! ....I am sensing some 'impatience' on his part...WS thought that by now...I would have 'moved on'.... ...and WHAT does he need to do....except N/C with OW...to get me to 'budge'!??!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Hi Luna,
Took me awhile, I got lost several times but I finally tracked you down. I am still learning to navigate my way around this board.
I just read you post from a couple of days ago on TKO. It takes me awhile to catch up as I don't have a lot of computer time.
I was worried about you. Are you okay? Holidays can be a tough time to get through. When I think what was going on in my life this time last year though I just shake my head in wonder. We really are a tough little human race.
If I can help at all Luna just let me know. I hope everything is improving for you or at least becoming less painful. You are doing an incredible job with Plan B and I admire your strength. Be proud of yourself.
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I was worried about you. Are you okay? Yes, I am, Beth. Thanks for checking up on me. The holiday season is quite a 'handful' for me....my boys' b-days are in December...as well as WSs...D-day was in December... I KNOW it will be better than last year....but, still.... I expect it to be a major ENERGY drain.... ...like on a rollercoaster.....that's going up.....trying to HOLD ON TIGHT....and ready....for the big drop....so I don't FALL off!!! ...I read TKO but will post when my mood is 'lighter'.... I see Todd and Pio working hard to keep things going.... inspite of the fact that things are far from 'rosey' in their lives... Keep up the swimming and surfing...it's the kind of activities that will keep you 'afloat' sometimes.... and keep the insanity of your situation in perspective... (((((((((BETH)))))))))
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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Luna -
Hi! I've been off the boards for a little while, but see you are doing ok. Still Plan B'ing with me! I admire your perseverance.(sp??). I'm going to go the distance with you!
Kim
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Hey Luna,
Just checking in on your thread. I noticed that you've had yet another message from WH, about insurance? Whatev!
I am sensing some 'impatience' on his part...WS thought that by now...I would have 'moved on'
I have a question about this statement; why would he need you to move on. Is it guilt of you being alone? Just wondering...
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Hi Kim, Nice of you to drop by... How are you doing? Are you updating us...and did I miss your thread? Hi SL, Just checking in on your thread. I noticed that you've had yet another message from WH, about insurance? Whatev!
I am sensing some 'impatience' on his part...WS thought that by now...I would have 'moved on'
I have a question about this statement; why would he need you to move on. Is it guilt of you being alone? Just wondering... WS DECIDED that what would be the best is 'friendly co-parenting', and wants me to do whatever it takes to move on....and cooperate...while all along refusing to see any link between that and the fact that he lied and cheated and abused my trust.....and that I should..... - get over the A...and SOMEHOW forget about the whole thing...and, if not, at least ACT as if we 'separated' amicably, so we can establish a friendly co-parenting to focus on the boys!....so he can feel less guilty about HOW his choices affect us, the boys and me, and so...help HIM maintain as long as possible lalaland illusion with OW - to be in another R, like him...this way, he won't have to worry about me, and for sure, it would help him feel less guilty about leaving me, etc....and we can ALL live happily ever after - support him more in taking care of the boys...WS being a free-lancer...it would really help if I could be on 'stand by' to change the boys' schedule to fit HIS needs (which I am not doing at this moment, I AM flexible only with sufficient advance notice on his part) - because, if I choose not to talk to him, why?...does that mean he did something wrong? Whatever the reason...it looks like PLAN B has become a big aggravation to WS, and HIS plans! ...one thing is for sure....it's ALL about him and how to make his life EASIER to live...never mind the cost and pain to others! ...and it doesn't look like WS is set on seeking a Dv...either he can't be bothered....or he can't take any more guilt by doing so..... WS getting life insurance I believe is his way of trying to do the 'right thing'....and again...feel less guilty! ...I know that he has introduced OW to the boys, his family and some friends....to try to legitimize his ACTIONS and A....by defending and justifying his right to leave family if HE felt unhappy...and why would he 'give up' OW for the uncertaintly of 'repairing' a damaged M (...that a lot of the damage was done by his A....is besides the point!) ....but as the saying goes....you can run but you can't hide... I really don't know what WS thinks at this point....all I know for sure is that I do not want WS in my life in any way or form....whether or not S will show up on my doorsteps one day.....I will just have to see, IF AND WHEN, that happens...where I am emotionally....and what he is prepared to do to regain my trust, etc etc....what I also know for sure is that this won't happen tomorrow....so I might as well make the best of the situation....and try to enjoy life....and not WASTE it...waiting around for S to come home! who knows....I may very well be the one to one day ask for Dv....and close the door for good on WS!
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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I may very well be the one to one day ask for Dv....and close the door for good on WS! I guess that is where I'm a little stuck. I know that I need to remain in Plan B for however long it takes ME to decide to move on, but does that mean I then file for D or wait out WH doing it? I intend on Plan B'ing him forever, really, or only having contact with him for DS's care, events, etc. I am surely NOT ready for any kind of R with anyone else right now, but will want the choice should I find that I am ready. I've heard many say to wait for WH to file, but, as you can see, the chances of that are slim with many. I consider another form of fence sitting and cake eating is to remain married (even with BS in Plan B) and have R with OP, and that is what I can see my WH doing in the future. Man! This [censored] is so painful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I read others' threads who are beginning Plan B around the same time as me, and see how discouraged they are (as well as myself). I'm ever so grateful when I read a post about someone who is as far as you are in Plan B, and surviving, even happy. I find moments of happiness now, that I could not see before; I've missed so much of the joy of having a DS between the ages of 3 and 4, because I was soooo bogged down with pain and resentment, that I wallowed and couldn't see the forest for the trees. The good thing is that I am able to focus on self and DS now, so I've got that going for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for your response to my question, every little bit helps... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Reading your posts with interest. If you saw in November - I broke my well enacted Plan B and met WS - and was well supported by MB in my fall out of guilt and despondency. So am heartened that other people stuggle with it. I have been contacted again by WS - and it is nearly a year since I started Plan B - him moving out to a love nest on December 7 2005. Found the interpretation of you WS note by others to be really helpful. It is difficult but keep the faith.
Me (BS) 46 - moved in December 2004 to be with WH - no real support network to call on
WH 44 - moved to new job in June 2004 - 200 miles from home
OW 43 - Head of HR in same workplace - but met soulmate so it does not matter about work issues
D Day May 2005 - Plan A (with OWH in Plan A too)until December 2005. Plan B - did OK until lapse at end of Oct 2006. WH and I met in 1983, friends until 1989 when started our relationship - moved in together in 1992, and married in 2001.
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I know that I need to remain in Plan B for however long it takes ME to decide to move on, but does that mean I then file for D or wait out WH doing it? I intend on Plan B'ing him forever, really, or only having contact with him for DS's care, events, etc. I am surely NOT ready for any kind of R with anyone else right now, but will want the choice should I find that I am ready. I've heard many say to wait for WH to file, but, as you can see, the chances of that are slim with many. I consider another form of fence sitting and cake eating is to remain married (even with BS in Plan B) and have R with OP, and that is what I can see my WH doing in the future. Hi SL, ...me thinks you are answering your own questions <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />.... basically....give yourself a timeframe....the Harleys suggest an average of 2 yrs in PLAN B...so that's what I have chosen to do...that way I don't have to think about it...and helps me to stay in the present (the only drawback, or uhmmmmm...... rather the purpose, is so that you cannot start a new R...or you are no better than WS!...and you cannot be in contact with WS...unless conditions are met!) ...for me, I will see WHERE I am in the summer of 2007....I may want to stay a little longer in PLAN B, or NOT... but for now...not thinking about it... and not thinking about new R...not thinking about WS..... ...I agree with you....to continue to stay in PLAN B forever...and stay M forever...can also be a form of cake-eating for WS..... ...as you yourself have said...when you think you might want to be 'open' to another R, you Plan D....or.....Plan D so that you WILL allow yourself to be open to another R.....that's where the 'individual' comes in... ...because, as you say, as it looks like may be my case... WS does not have the need...and may actually prefer to STAY married...while at the same time have GF...which, bottom line, is just another FORM of cake-eating Man! This [censored] is so painful! SL.....That's exactly why you are in PLAN B...NC with WS...No D.....No starting new R.....for that exact reason....you might just think it might be solution to your pain....they are not....you need to 'work through' your pain....trying to 'avoid it'....'ignore it'.....'deny it'.... will do nothing but prolong and postpone it...again... what better purpose can PLAN B have....because you have soooo much time on your hands....than allow you to give your 'pain' a voice!!?? ...see it as a friend...a messenger..listen to it...learn from it....it may just be coming from way back when.....and not from WS's actions only.....who knows.... ...now..you might consider LA's thread on 'owning your own villagers'.....I am 'warming up' to the exercise....but more or less....what I have learned so far.... (only got up to page 4!)...is that we basically have a whole 'village' in ourselves.... and some villagers we prefer...and some we don't (..and ignore....and actully....go as far as 'disown').....when all along.... these neglected 'villagers' are there for US.... and it's about time they have 'their day'.....PLAN B is a perfect opportunity to give them some 'recognition'... ...that's what PLAN B is for.....to keep the 'noise' down so you can listen to what is coming from inside...and help YOU become a better person...ENJOY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> ...console YOURSELF....be there for YOURSELF....learn to trust YOURSELF.... learn about YOURSELF...hug YOURSELF.... be proud of YOURSELF... you are your own cheering section! ...because you are MEETING a NEW person, that you never took the TIME to meet before,....... YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> ...so that in future R....you will NOT be dependent on anyone... you will CHOOSE to be with someone....out of choice and not dependency....and by so doing... you will NOT tolerate any abuse...you will be able to PROTECT yourself....and 'call a cat... a cat' when you need to....rather than turn a 'blind eye'...out of fear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I'm ever so grateful when I read a post about someone who is as far as you are in Plan B, and surviving, even happy. ...Yep....happy and proud of herself!.... but in no way is it EASY... but then again....something that is worth it....will generate the needed energy for the effort, n'est-ce pas?....and I value myself and my boys enough.... that the hard work IS worth it! ....and it has nothing to do with 'colouring my hair'! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I find moments of happiness now, that I could not see before; I've missed so much of the joy of having a DS between the ages of 3 and 4, because I was soooo bogged down with pain and resentment, that I wallowed and couldn't see the forest for the trees. The good thing is that I am able to focus on self and DS now, so I've got that going for me. ...this is excellent, SL...continue to stay in the present....don't dwell on the past...other than trying to learn from it.... and do not dwell on the future....other than for making TERRIFIC plans for you and your DS..... ...and let life 'unfold itself'... with some effort NOW....but the further you move on...the more it will seem 'effortless'...and...guess what??...it will and does get EASIER! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> Thanks for your response to my question, every little bit helps... ...you got it!....SL....keep your eyes open....the 'pearls' of life are NOT where you think they are! ...and you will see that in the end, like Dorothy.....you have unimaginable power in building the life you WANT....and you ALWAYS had it! ....and for that....PLAN B can look 'boring' at times....until you open your eyes, be open to the possibilities, and all of a sudden it becomes 'exciting'..... Keep on 'exploring'! This is my theme song: Michael Buble - Feeling Good Lyrics Birds flying high You know how I feel Sun in the sky You know how I feel Reeds driftin' on by You know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good Fish in the sea You know how I feel River running free You know how I feel Blossom in the tree You know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don't you know Butterflies all havin' fun you know what I mean Sleep in peace when the day is done And this old world is a new world And a bold world For me Stars when you shine You know how I feel Scent of the pine You know how I feel Yeah freedom is mine And I know how I feel It's a new dawn It's a new day It's a new life For me And I'm feeling good ((((((((((((SL))))))))))
XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
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