Hey Luna B!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you. We'll give you time to catch up and then want you to jump in and help. ok? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hugz,
L.

Hi LA and Orchid,

Thanks for dropping by...

Orchid...I worry about the 'jump in and help'....not sure that I can or how...other than 'confirming' and 'reconfirming' that PLAN B is the only way to go for a BS to protect herself/himself from continually being 'hurt' from a die-hard WS whose moral compass seems to be literally non-existent, and that life can be good, AGAIN... and putting myself out there as PROOF! ...as I am truly enjoying my life...everyday! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

...sure, sometimes I feel I am being bombarded by triggers....but then....I have gotten a LOT of practice on how to deal with them...and I am winning the fight.... I have gotten the knack at identifying triggers... acknowledging them... and then.....MOVING ON! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hats off (and hugz) to the veterans...for being so generous of your time in helping out people on the board....two years ago I was a basketcase <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />(to the point where I drove the vets crazy enough to consider going off the board, as Pep once confessed!) ....and you guys were there for me....and you all have a special place in my heart!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Good to see you again, and glad that Plan B is helping in at least your personal recovery. It sounds like you are very busy and life is good.

Hi B,

How are you doing?

Hi Luna,

You sound happy.

We never made it to your part of the world for a vacation and won't until money for a vacation pops up.

I start full time school in Sept. and I'm looking forward to it,I love school. I'm a little nervous that art certification won't be very marketable so I've been thinking about cross certifying in reading but I won't make that determination until I've been in school for a while. Reading would take LOTS more school and I don't know that I can manage that.

I don't know that I've seen the ages of your boys before. Mine are 16, 13, and 12 and I was married in "84 as well, but of course that's over now. The boys relationship with their father has not gone well of late, much of it due to ex's lack of flexibility and understanding.

Just wanted to say hello.

Lunamere,

All the more reason to post. Your experience and insight it invaluable to to this board. I was a personal challenge to MB myself. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Many thought I post to help.... ok.... but in the heyday, I posted mainly as therapy. Good thing there were strong MBers out there. Yep..... I needed that MB 2x4 many times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So when you can, please help out. We can sure use you and you will find it will help you keep centered and on track. The WS will have a harder time trying to throw you off cource.

Aloha,
L.

Hi Nams, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Great to hear from you!



I am...and it's about the only good thing about surviving an A...I feel I can move mountains after THAT!



I am not going anywhere! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



Good luck...doing what you 'love'....is the only way to go!



Yeah...sometimes I feel bad for my boys...because I know WS is in denial about what they are 'experiencing'...I just hope ONE DAY he will 'listen'...but this is out of our hands, Nams...I just work on MY relationship with my boys...whom I LOVE to death like you probably do yours! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />



I am so glad to you did...please keep in touch and let me know how you are doing...

Hugz

Hi Orchid,



You don't have to 'butter' me up, Orchid...LOL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> ...I certainly want to 'give back'...as I would not be where I am without the help of many here...so... I can start with.... 'support'...'understanding'.... as I still feel 'advice' is out of my league! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



Yeah...right...I can see that! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


As the saying goes...it may not be what you want to hear...but it's all about what you need to hear! ...uhmmm.... I am not sure why...but ML just popped into my head <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ...LOL...I will have to check out her 'favourite' thread....and bump it up if I can <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />...LOL!



...Are you in sells, Orchid?

Big hugz to you, my friend!

Orchid: ML. Now why am I not surpised? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
Mel is great in posting....you know exactly where she stands. You might not like it but if one takes the time to see past the hurt, there's a lot of valuable info there. Plus, occasionally an opinion or 2 to boot! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



Orchid: Funny you should say that. My aunt wants me to join them in selling Melaleuca (sp???). I can talk convincingly about things I am passionate about. On the other hand my H says I am not good in sales.... I talk too much. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Well...in that case, Orchid....LOL...you can make better use of your talents here than in sales! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

...you know, Orchid....I still remember you once giving me your 'virtual' hug...years ago...you know...«put your arms around your shoulder, etc»...so....some feedback here.... IT WORKS...keep on using it on whomever you think might need it!

uhmmmmm HUGZ back to you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Update.

More or less, WS has been 'out of the house' for 2 yrs... and I have been just as long in PLAN B (one month later after he left I went into it.... literally for my own 'sanity' as my signature says)... WS is not 'officially' living with OW (both have apts.) but WS is continuing on his path to 'ligitimize' his A with OW.... he is off for 4 days right now with the boys 'vacationing'... and I believe he has taken OW along...(but can't really confirm it as I am in PLAN B)...at the same time, he has taken NO STEPS to legalize the separation nor steps towards D... and believe WS is still holding on to the fantasy that we will do friendly co-parenting, amicable separation, etc. (anything else, I think, would mean that the price for the A was too high and ruin it!)

A few weeks ago...DS16 had to pick up something at his dad's so I drove him there.... WS took that opportunity to approach me hoping to convince me that it was time that we 'sat' together to discuss matters.... I calmly said that I was there to drive DS16 to pick up something and not to have a discussion with him.... (now remember....at this point... WS clearly knows my position: any discussion or exchange with me required, first, end of A... and only if interested to discuss reconciliation and recommittment to his family .... for anything else....ie. separation or D.... there were specialists he could consult)

I think it may have been the first time...seeing that I could look in his eyes... that he realized that I was not playing any games, that I was serious, that I was strong, that I was fearless.... that he could NOT bully his way into making me do what he wanted!

Within a week, unfortunately (or fortunately), seeing that we are still co-owners of the house I live in.... we needed to communicate to consult about an urgent plumbing work that needed to be done.... the situation allowed us to see how well in fact we can still 'work together'... the decisions were quick, easy, no arguements... and it forced us to SEE each other (even though no major exchanges took place)... and I did notice WS doing double-takes and 'checking me out' a few times.... (let's just say that my figure has not changed in 25 years and friends say I have good taste in my choice of wardrobe!)

.... even I have to admit, 2 years later, I have come a long way.... 2 years ago I was a basketcase.... my friends had to literally pick up the pieces off the ground... I was so much in shock...in PAIN... feeling powerless... fearful of the future and the impact of the separation on my life, on the boys.... hurting for the loss of my H....family...

...whereas NOW as I am sitting here writing this....I have managed to reach a certain 'peaceful' state.. that whatever will be will be..... and I KNOW that if WS consents to my conditions.... I will give it my best shot at recovery... same as I am doing in my personal recovery right now.... and if he doesn't.... I will be OK... my life is OK as it is RIGHT NOW.... and I am no longer FEARFUL of the UNKNOWN...

...I am so proud of myself....so proud to know you all... so thankful for having the Board to come to share... and I thank you all for sharing your experiences... as they are inspirational to me..... inspite of all the fear, despair, loss and pain... I see courage... hope... determination....

...all that make life worth living and fighting for!

Wow, Luna! just WOW! You amaze me.



This is what I think so many long for, especially those in plan B, plan limbo. You show us all that all things are possible.

Hi SL,

Yes...I know... PLAN B is a scary proposition for a BS... which is one reason why I am putting myself 'out there'.... because in the face of an incorrigible WS.... eventually.... it's the only way to go for a BS....in order to heal....to protect oneself... to allow A run its course....

The big challenge in PLAN B is how to live and stay and enjoy the PRESENT and keep growing...and not be in a WAITING or HOLD MODE or SIDELINE of life....because that's not good!

...hat off to you, too, my friend.... I am trying to catch up on your thread.... and I see that you are in M recovery yourself.... and so, you are also 'showing that all things are possible'.

LET ME REPEAT MYSELF....

Being in PLAN B is how I was able to put myself back on track...back on my List of priorities.... and learn how to be kind and good to....myself!

....and for a BS....a major point on the TO DO LIST is to stay AWAY from a WS... who has chosen a path of lies and destruction.... and unless A ends and there is a recommitted to M....a WS is harmful to the well-being of a BS's heart and soul!

It was probably the hardest decision I've had to make.... and make it while I was DOWN.... uncertain... broken... fearful: to 'remove' WS from my life.... the man I chose to share my life with... the man I loved.... the father of my boys....the man I shared with 20 yrs of my life...but then, again... if taken in the present, he was NO LONGER the man I married.... his family was NO LONGER his priority!

When I see WS....I see a man in turmoil! ...and wish him the best in his journey....whereever it will take him.... either back to me...or not!

Update.

Needed to dot the Is again with WS...finding all sorts of excuses to 'talk' to me...

Note to WS (translation):

I have been deeply hurt by your choices...and as long as this remains a consequence acceptable to you...I ask you to please respect my choice to not want to speak to you 'directly' unless it's an emergency... (etc etc re communicating info)

I am just back from a long weekend with the boys from NYC (again, I know!).... we had a great time!...Life is good!

Hugs to you all. I have become a 'lurker' for a while until I have more time to devote to the Board...

I am proud of all of you...newbies and oldies.... for fighting the 'good fight'.... self-discovery.... self-recovery....M-recovery.... whatever you want to call it.... but it is what makes life worth living!!!

((((((((((((((((((((((THE BOARD)))))))))))))))))

Thanks, Lunamare

BTW....think I was wrong...saw some pictures from boys and WS's 'vacation'..... looks like WS went...alone...no OP in sight... (unless he insisted she not be in any of the pictures!)

Sdguy,

Thanks for dropping by.

<waves> Hi Luna.

HIIIIIIII BIIIIIIIGGGGGGGKKKKKK!

«waving back!»

Just bringing up thread.... I may need it soon.

WS making again attempts to be in contact with me (with no mention of ending A)...for the boys' sake, of course!

...some guilty feelings surfacing about it! ...I am working hard at not letting them get to me....

Not sure whether to TOTALLY ignore attempts or keep dotting the 'i's and give him a copy of PBL .....could a WS be in that much fog?

BTW...

Anyone have a good joke to tell....I could use a laugh right about now!

Also...I am starting to get the idea of BS being a threat to M recovery..... after two years in PLAN B.... I am getting to a place where...even if WS were interested..... I may be the one not up to consider it soon!

I think I will go and do some very deeeeep breathing for now.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />