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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 195
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 195 |
My WH and I having been discussing divorce for a few months now. Talks got put on hold after I had our fourth 3 months ago. After he had scheduled a move-in date for 5 days after our son was born. The A is still such an issue after 6 months that I'm reevaluating the situation. And I fee like I'm currently sitting in the 6th dimension of marriage ******. Everything is so tense and uncomfortable that it feels like divorcing is our best option. But I'm scared. First how do I know that this is what I want but also do we tell the kids before the holidays or after? I don't want to ruin their xmas. Any help?
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person"
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BS (me) 28
WS 26
Married in Nov. 2000
DD-11 yrs old
DD-5 yrs old
DS-4 yrs old
DS-17 mos old
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714
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Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 6,714 |
Hugs, MellySue. I hope you and the kids are doing well.
No one ever wants to get divorced. At least, I don’t think so. For me it was more like, “Anything at all would be better than this.” I simply couldn’t continue to live with him any more. I would have gone insane, or killed him or myself. It sounds dramatic, but it was the truth.
Second, there is no good time. It doesn’t really matter. It may actually be more pleasant for the children if you two are apart if things are that bad. Keep as many of the traditions of Christmas as possible to provide stability. Keep extended family included and in the loop. The holidays can be a great time to emphasize divorce doesn’t mean then end of family.
Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 195
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 195 |
Thats kind of what I was thinking. And I would definately like to be doing anything else. We're not fighting horribly but it's definately tense and stressful. I just can't seem to put this behind us and I know it's only been 3 months but shouldn't there be baby steps. It hurts to be around him most of the time and everytime it seems a little better he brings up the OW i.e. I don't know a good gift for you but I know the perfect one for her. I don't feel like I know him at all anymore so everything seems fake. I don't believe he loves me anymore due to the A and his subsequent actions. How could he see how much he was hurting me and still stay the course. It just feels like we might do better apart. Thank you so much for your help-I don't have too many people I can turn to.
Mellysue
"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person"
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BS (me) 28
WS 26
Married in Nov. 2000
DD-11 yrs old
DD-5 yrs old
DS-4 yrs old
DS-17 mos old
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 4
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 4 |
I kind of disagree. If you are kind of getting along, why not try talking to him one more time about trying to put each other first through the holiday season. You and he may just find that doing that will not only make youself feel better, but will also make the other partner do the same. Feeling good about ones self can be passed to the other person and the downward spiral of bad feelings can stop. At the very least, you get to feel good about yourself through the holidays and if things still aren't improving, there's no time like mid or late January... It may also help the kids not associate the holidays with sad times. That can last a lifetime.
What do you have to lose, its only another couple of months to risk for possibly saving your marriage and family. I'd take that chance.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 451 |
mellysue,
Don't tell the kids anything until you are 100% sure that you and your H will D.It sounds like you are not there quite yet.
I have never had regrets before.And I don't really believe in them.However,I will never forget the look in my youngest's eyes when I said that X and I were getting a D.That is the only thing I regret to my soul.That look.I destroyed that innocence and I should have let my cheating exH say it as it was a product of his choices even though I made the initial decision.I wish I could take that day back.But....
Also,don't connect that horrible discussion with any holiday so my vote is for after holidays,way after.
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